h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Talking points are becomming flatter and flatter. Do you really want the answers to these questions? C'mon get serious...

a) "Who has the responsibility for avoiding unwanted pregnancy?"
Is this a matter of opinion? I think there are LAWS regulating that, no?

b) "Does that responsibility change when a relationship becomes more serious?" see a)

c) "What do you understand by the term 'safe sex'?"
When two safes copulate?

d) "Does a man carrying condoms in his wallet make women think he is responsible or presumptious?" It depends on how you get to know it, I suppose? If he shows it around in the mall, he's probably being presumptious, or a teenager.

e) "If a woman carries condoms is she responsible or promiscuous?" She might as well be a condom representative. Are you being serious with these questions?

f) "Should you trust other people to be honest about their sexual health? Are you?" Aren't we all?

g) "Is it right for doctors to be able to prescribe contraception to under 16s without their parents' consent?" LAWS regulate that. It's a question of moral ethic values a society has.

h) "Do you know where you can get free contraception and advice?" If so, why should this be of interest here?

i) "Would you sleep with someone if they refused to use a condom?" I am not homosexual, can't answer this one, sorry.

j) "What is the best method of avoiding pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections?" Oral sex? Cybersex? Reading 'talking points'? Headache?

Oh my... Bye...

Thats a little unfair Hell. It is hard to come up with topics every week!

Would you like to come up with some suggestions?

Hi Hell,

I don't think this is a subject that need not be discussed.

According to this website http://www.teenagepregnancyunit.gov.uk/ there were 38,690 teenage pregnancies in the year 2000, 44% of which resulted in abortion. Knowledge is a good thing. We have a lot of younger people on h2g2 who may not be that well informed.

You may have a really good and responsible attitude towards sex, preventing pregnancy and all that, but honestly, not everyone does. I've responded to some of your questions, maybe some other people here would like to respond too.

a) "Who has the responsibility for avoiding unwanted pregnancy?"
Is this a matter of opinion? I think there are LAWS regulating that, no?

Laws; are there? No one can be jailed for getting someone pregnant, can they? Underage sex is illegal, but other than that it's a personal decision. From my experience a lot of men think that it's a female responsibility. Aids may have changed that to some extent, but it's still an issue. After all, it's the woman who's left carrying the baby, that has to influence things.

d) "Does a man carrying condoms in his wallet make women think he is responsible or presumptious?" It depends on how you get to know it, I suppose? If he shows it around in the mall, he's probably being presumptious, or a teenager.

Good point. It must depend how you find out. I guess I'd think that someone carrying condoms was a pretty responsible person overall though. The mall senario is a good one though, I wonder how many condoms get used as balloons or run past their sell-by date? I suppose it's all about getting to know them before you have to use them.

e) "If a woman carries condoms is she responsible or promiscuous?" She might as well be a condom representative.

She might be. But would you think differently about a woman who carried condoms with her? Does it make her a tart? I think that even nowadays there are people out there who *would* think that was the case. It may be my age or upbringing, but I'd still blush if someone found some in my handbag.

f) "Should you trust other people to be honest about their sexual health? Are you?" Aren't we all?

Not necessarily. There's a Terrance Higgins Trust poster campaign in London that actively suggests that people shouldn't feel the need to be honest. They suggest that the onus should be on people to protect themselves, rather than expect people to tell the truth. It's okay to expect people to be honest, but if you'd ever had the clap or genital warts or something would you own up to it? Do you think other people would? In a long term relationship people probably would, but one night stands and casual sex does happen, it's maybe unrealistic to expect these people to be totally truthful.

g) "Is it right for doctors to be able to prescribe contraception to under 16s without their parents' consent?" LAWS regulate that. It's a question of moral ethic values a society has.

Not sure that that is the case, particularly in the UK. There was a case a few years ago where a doctor prescribed the pill to an under-age girl, and the mother objected and took it to court. She lost. The court decided that it was ethical to provide the pill to an underage girl, without the parents consent. They had no right to know, even though their daughter was under the age of consent. How do you feel about that, should that be allowed to happen? Hopefully parents will be told by their children, but should the doctor have to inform them, even if the child has asked them not to tell?

h) "Do you know where you can get free contraception and advice?"

Does everyone know this? Even the younger h2g2 members? The high rate of teenage pregnancies seems to show that not everyone does, unfortunately.

i) "Would you sleep with someone if they refused to use a condom?

This could apply to male/female relationships too. Would you have sex with a woman without using a condom if she said she was on the pill? Would you go ahead despite the risk of sexually transmitted diseases? How long would you have to go out with a woman before you'd trust her enough to have unprotected sex?

That's my view. Over to anyone else!

we had a talk bout the diff forms of contraceptives @ school the other day (im in the upper 6th at a girls school so we dint have to put up with any smirking lads thank God!)
the list we were given were (just for the record, incase any1 wishes to know their choices):
~Abstinence (the most effective way to avoid both pregnancey & STDs)
~Barrier methods inc ~male & female condoms ~Diaphragm or cap
~Preventing implantation ~IUD or IUS ('coil') -these looked pretty evil to me but nevermind!
~Stopping ovulation eg ~the pill ~injections ~implants (often under upper arm which slowly release hormones)
~Sterilisation ~vasectomy (male) ~female sterilisation
~Natural family planning ie count the days, take ur temperature, etc
~Emergancy contraception ~emergancy pill ~copper IUD ('coil')

as you could probably tell i just copied that out for you & i expect the majority of people reading this know of the majority of them. the implants were a new one to me though.

ok, to answer the questions....

Who has the responsibility for avoiding unwanted pregnancy? Both partners should but the woman has more to lose (or gain as it were) than the bloke does if anything goes wrong


Does that responsibility change when a relationship becomes more serious? It shouldnt but it may well do. i can imagine blokes taking it more seriously if its not a one night stand thing

What do you understand by the term 'safe sex'? sex with a dramatically reduced chance of STDs/pregnacy (tho only abstinence is 100% safe!)

Does a man carrying condoms in his wallet make women think he is responsible or presumptious? I agere with Hell bout the mall remark. on the whole responsible. even if he is showing off to his mates he has one there if he should need it

If a woman carries condoms is she responsible or promiscuous? same applies as for men in my view.

Should you trust other people to be honest about their sexual health? Are you? yes to the second one. to the first, people *should* be honest about it, but that doesnt necessarily mean they will be. i cant really imagine someone stopping in the middle of a passionant one night stand and casually telling the other that they have warts or summin, can u?

Is it right for doctors to be able to prescribe contraception to under 16s without their parents' consent? depends how old they are. if they're say seven or summin rediculous like that then the parents should be told. if they're 13+ ish then no. if they're gonna have sex its best that they are protected. if they are taking thetrouble to go & get the contraceptives they are being responsible about it at least.

Do you know where you can get free contraception and advice? i get the pill free from the doctors. thats the only place i know i can... there are other clinics & things around, i just dont know them!

Would you sleep with someone if they refused to use a condom? not unless im on the pill (or alternative) & am fairly confident i wont get some kinda nasty disease!

What is the best method of avoiding pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections? abtinence! failing that a combination of say the pill & the condom should be pretty effective.

omy

you seem sweet...
But honest....
you mentioned being "confident", if on the pill, in order not to use a condom...
I'm male and I hate the things...
I really do...
except to fill with water and fling at people..
But I would never ask a lady to assume I'm...
I dont know, "clean"?...
You just never will know...
As nice and polite as some guys may seem....
be safe....
It's a sorry state that it has reached this point...
But, even with the pill...
Take care of yourself honey...

thanx mr 192012
i kinda meant if ur in a steady relationsip where ur at the stage u can talk bout & check these things.
was jus tryin 2 cover all eventualities as it were

omy

I'm sorry sweet one...
I didnt mean to seem judgmental...
If most of the guys you meet are like most of my male friends...
Well, just be safe...
I'm a freak of sorts...
When I met my ex we were both ..
umm...
"unexplored" by many...
So I havent had to deal with the issues you have to...
Well, I guess now I do...
I guess I'm afriad the sweet nature of most ladies will be taking advantage of...
and yes, as far as you know I'm some swine but I just wish you well...
Hey? a "swine"?..

tis ok
i is only really 'explored' by 1 person so y'know. i trust him completely tho. he'd never do anything to harm me & the thought of me gettin pregnant scares him as much as me!
thank you for the advise, tis appriciated

omy

and I'm not being the cynical b*****d I usually am...
I do hope you have true love...
Something the Troubadours would sing of...
I write many poems to my ex, and she seems to enjoy them...
As much sadness her loss has for me, I'm grateful for the love I still feel for her...
I do hope you have that too...

Of course...
She has that restraining order against me...
no..no...
thats a a joke...

Hey? isnt it late where you are at?...
I'm used to no one writting to me at this hour...
on this site...

for my ex...
I think I phrased that wrong...
Of course, theres a image...
sorry...
hehe...

after all...
I'm truly sorry...
it seems no pun is below me...

tis late, 11.50pm.
am goin 2 bed soon
g'nite

omy

goodnight...
sweet dreams...

around 1 am California time from you sweet Brits...
It makes sense now...
Thank you...
I wish you interesting dreams...

Ho-hum... Hello.

So we're talking after all, no? I think therefore it was indeed a little unfair of my part. It is probably difficult to find new topics every week, but even then that should be no excuse. You had this inter-racial thing going on last week which was absurd and now this. Anyways. I am not saying that you are not doing a good job, but before posting *anything* off-the-hip as a talking point I think it would be better to extend the previous one for another week. Then again, this is just me and my monkey. And better suggestions... I probably have some, but they have probably been talked about yet. It is indeed difficult to find something new every week. How about talking more about current global issues (taken from the media) that would be easy to update. I mean from the media rather than talking about generics like contraception, smoking, etiquette... Or more specific aspects of these. Otherwise these topics get worn out.

And now the reply to Peta.

"I don't think this is a subject that need not be discussed."
Right, I don't think either, it's just that the questions posed do not incite a discussion about teenage pregnancy, but about contraception in general and if a man or a woman is promiscuous/careful if he/she is found with a condom in the pocket. See?

a) "Who has the responsibility for avoiding unwanted pregnancy? [...] There are LAWS"

Peta: Laws; are there? No one can be jailed for getting someone pregnant, can they?

My reply: The LAWS are not about getting people jailed (What would that be good for anyways? Having children cannot be seriously considered a crime.). They are about assuming (or forcing someone to assume) the responsibility.

Peta: From my experience a lot of men think that it's a female responsibility. Aids may have changed that to some extent, but it's still an issue. After all, it's the woman who's left carrying the baby, that has to influence things.

My reply: Indeed, a lot of men do think so (that's also a cultural aspect, but that would go to far). That must be changed. So instead of asking people _who_ they think has the responsibility, why don't you ask straight away, why the common male opinion, that pregnancy is a female thing, should be changed. Or even better: How can we change the common male opinion that...

Furthermore: AIDS and pregnancy are two pairs of shoes. Don't mix that up, please.

d) "Does a man carrying condoms in his wallet make women think he is responsible or presumptious? ... the mall scenario"

Peta: Good point.

My reply: Thanks.


e) "If a woman carries condoms is she responsible or promiscuous?" She might as well be a condom representative.

Peta: But would you think differently about a woman who carried condoms with her? Does it make her a tart?

My reply: My opinion will not matter here, but, FYI: No, women carrying condoms cannot be seen as tarts (If I understood correctly what a tart (=easy?) is)

Peta: I think that even nowadays there are people out there who *would* think that was the case. It may be my age or upbringing, but I'd still blush if someone found some in my handbag.

My reply: Then ask it straight like this: There are a lot of people who think that women carrying condoms are tarts. Is it a matter of upbringing? How can we change that?

f) "Should you trust other people to be honest about their sexual health? Are you?" "Aren't we all?"

Peta: Not necessarily.

My reply: OK

Peta: There's a [snipped] Trust campaign that suggests people shouldn't feel the need to be honest. They suggest that the onus should be on people to protect themselves, rather than expect people to tell the truth.

My reply: From a philosophical stand, it might be OK to lie. However regarding sex, especially considering AIDS (other diseases existed before, let's not forget that) it might be hazardous to not be honest. SO the bottom line (IMO) should be, get to _know_ people before you go to bed with them. If you are willing to have sex right after the disco, don't expect people to be honest. BECAUSE, and here comes Peta again:

"one night stands and casual sex does happen, it's maybe unrealistic to expect these people to be totally truthful."

Well, ask it like that: Do you expect people to be honest before a one-night stand? Are you not too playing a role?

g) "Is it right for doctors to be able to prescribe contraception to under 16s without their parents' consent? LAWS regulate that."

Peta: Not sure that that is the case, particularly in the UK. There was a case a few years ago where a doctor prescribed the pill to an under-age girl, and the mother objected and took it to court. She lost.

My reply: Well? Isn't the court apllying the LAW?

Peta (cont'd): The court decided that it was ethical to provide the pill to an underage girl, without the parents consent. They had no right to know, even though their daughter was under the age of consent. How do you feel about that, should that be allowed to happen?

My reply: What should be allowed? The courts to take these decisions? Or to allow a girl to take the pill?

Peta: Hopefully parents will be told by their children, but should the doctor have to inform them, even if the child has asked them not to tell?

My reply: Then ask it like this.

h) "Do you know where you can get free contraception and advice?"

Peta: Does everyone know this? Even the younger h2g2 members? The high rate of teenage pregnancies seems to show that not everyone does, unfortunately.

My reply: OK you got a point here.

i) "Would you sleep with someone if they refused to use a condom?"

Peta: This could apply to male/female relationships too. Would you have sex with a woman without using a condom if she said she was on the pill?

My reply: First one should know people before going to bed with him/her. We discussed that before.

Peta: Would you go ahead despite the risk of sexually transmitted diseases?

My reply: Condoms are no guarantee, there are enough diseases that can be transmitted even using condoms. (They are probably not as deadly as AIDS is, but there is the risk anyways).

Peta: How long would you have to go out with a woman before you'd trust her enough to have unprotected sex?

My reply: From a male point of view it is probably less dangerous to have unprotected sex (as far as VDs are concerned), because of the architecture of our genitalia.

Furthermore: If you ask it like that, it sounds as if every woman is contaminated. Or men, too. Few are. So, providing you know him/her it could be OK to do it without a condom.


Keep on talking,

H

I welcome this discussion.

I don't have time to answer all the points, but I will say that using contraception does not guarantee non-pregnancy.
Be prepared, every time you have sex, that a baby may be the result.

I have had more than one unplanned pregnancy, and one of my daughters - who was only 17 at the time, also had an unplanned pregnancy.

I think this talking point is very clever. It certainly gets people talking, and knowledge, which is certainly available, somehow fails to reach some obviously. Good Show, and Good Idea.

Elle

post series for the Net....
I just love this site...
Yes, I can be silly at times, but I know when things should involve long words...
(ok, I'm being silly just then....)
I just believe in love, as many do, but there are other things to factor in...
The glassy-eyed vision "love" may bring on...
All I know is, if you have found real love...
I'm so really happy for you...
Give that extra kiss from me...
Can we take our clothes off now?...
hehe..
Oh, like anyone surfing has them on...
(I think I just went too far for a pun..sorry Moddies...)

since...
When will get a spellchecker here??..
Forget peace in the Middle East...

I just got a pay raise from my stinky job and my friends have corrupted my spelling...
I blame them...
I should probably not post now...
This really has been a great sharing of thoughts...
and my posts just brought things down to the level of...
gee...
So many things you could fill in the blanks with at this point...
I just thank all of you for your intelligence and kindness to the posters...
I'm going to lie down now...
Over there, I think...