h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The birth of the universe - A697665
Author: Researcher 190068 - U190068

This is the first part of an online story loosely inspired by the work of Douglas Adams.

Any feedback or comments would be welcomed

one nitpick - in the second paragraph, I think you've got your tenses muddled - surely it *would* only be known as Thursday, not *was*?

I quite like this as a start - makes me wonder where the story is going to go from here - and it's suitably epic. Let me know when you write the next chapter.

It's captured my interest too.

Are you quite sure that it's an only child? As an experienced mamma of overblown egos I'm already having visions of the sibling rivalry that might arise if an alternate universe were to come claiming its rightful place in The Grand Scheme of Things... the lawsuits and hair pulling and name calling... I wouldn't want to have to referee THAT bang-up!

Thanks for your comments. And yes you are right. Grammatically, was should read would, but I have got used to skipping around mentally, to different points in the story, so was seemed better to me. In fact, I am in the worst position to judge as I know at least what the next few episodes will look like.

I will post up the next few paragraphs that are already written, as I realise that getting feedback now might help me keep this consistent as they progress.

It is interesting you mentioned the idea of the universe being an only child. At first, I did not want to refer to the universe at all, but rather to the multiverse. Lots and lots of squabbling, fighting, hair-pulling universes, as you say. But it all got too complicated, and in the end I settled for just one. We will have to see if this remains the case.

A Brief History of Time meets Jackanory...

I like it - but I do think that The Universe needs a shortened, slightly more feminine, name...

or if you mean the universe to be gender-neutral, why not use gender-neutral pronouns? IE:

The Universe shrugged hir shoulders - sie was tired out and needed to get hirself a drink...

The Universe will be known as Alecto once she meets someone with whom sha can enter into a real conversation. Around episode 25 I think.

Talking of names - why don't you change yours from 'Researcher XXX' to something a bit more... namelike? You have to click the 'preferences' button, and it's in there somewhere...

Wow, this is excellent stuff, , by the way,I noticed you haven't been with us long, if you put something on your personnal space (just click on the edit button and type hello in the box that appears) someone will be around shortly afterwards to welcome you officially and offer to show you around the site, you won't believe just how big this place is and how many interesting things there are to read (and how many extremely interesting/silly people there are to talk to. Anyway, please keep writing, this looks like it could be a first rate piece.

whisky

I've posted at the entry.
Couldn't resist the link "Click here to be the first to discuss this"

Hibrowser appears not only to have left the building, but to have found a better 'ole and gone to it, which is a shame - a fab name and a good writer gone.

However - this leaves us with the question of what to do with this?

I am Minesweeping at the moment, as y'all may have noticed, (well it beats doing the housework!)

I am going to propose the removal of the thread from the AWW - and technically I suppose it should go to the Flea Market, but I wonder if that is the right place. I am proposing it is moved to FM, but won't dispute any other suggestions.

Ben

The birth of the universe
It's an impressive hole. And a pity Highbrowser has left for it.

I second a removal as what we have here isn't going to go anywhere in AWW. I won't dispute Flea Market.

I'll post it to Anna as it's very nearly still the 2nd of March and will make a bigger batch.
Waz