h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You want to know why I insulted your mortality?

*slinks up to Mystrunner, with a snap of her fingers deactivates the therom-nuke, then catches him by the chin*

Because I see mortals as good play things... and I usually don't encounter many who wish to stay play things when they have the option of becoming someone who plays with said play things.

But ya know, being a borg drone could be fun...

*leans close, taking Mystrunner's chin in her hand, and leans around to whisper in his ear.*

So how about it?

*Coming in through wormhole thingy and looking around*

Wow! This is just like in First Contact!

*Gets out a camera and starts taking photos. Several drones fall to the ground, their central processing nodes not being able to handle the sudden bright flash*

Wow! Cool! And you must be the borg queen. Y'know, I loved you in that Voyager episode where all the...Hey, sarge. What are you doing here?

*turns away from Mystrunner, distracted by the tourist. She shakes her head, and snaps her fingers, giving the rest of her drones sun glasses to resist the effect of the flash.*

Why hello there... *eyes narrow suspiciously, then an idea flashes into her head* ...How would you like some nano probes to take home. As a souvenir of sorts, you could call it. *smiles seductively*

*sighs*

You think I'm stupid, don't you? Well, I'm not. I am the Dark Avocado Knight, and I'm going to whoop your mechanised ass! Aren't I, sarge.

If I seem especially ill temptered, don't take it personally, I'm in an extreamly poor mood

The tourist appearence seemed extreamly stupid... did you expect me to not attempt to exploit it? There was a chance it was genuine instead of being a face you were putting forth. Besides, if I didn't ask, I wouldn't know if I was getting a new drone easy.

Now I doubt that you'll be able to whoop my mechanicalized @$$ as you say, because 1) I am the borg queen, you may kill me, but I won't stay dead. 2) I am onmipotent to start, and assimilated myself volentarily 3) You're in my playing field.

Now if you're going to come around and start $**t just 'cause I look all mean, yet I haven't assimilated anyone without their permision, then I'm going to have to ask you to get your behind out of here before I am forced to kick it.

If you'd like to reconsider your challenge, and therefore withdraw it, I'll understand, and I'll hold no grudges.

And now I'm going to get off-line for the night, if you have any problems with anything I've done, direct it to my user space, I'll give you an ear full in the morning.

We'll sort him out that what we're here for oh Gracious one

*wonders if she's still invisible, and, on that vein, if that de-assimilation drug she found in her cupboard- told you everything was in there- is actually starting to work yet*

*stalls for time*

The...the button? You can destroy it? How?

Ahem...

*Thinks about assimilation*

What I said in my previous posting wasn't meant to be provocative or anything, I was just going along with the theme of everyone assimilating everone else and everything. So if I upset you any way, I am very sorry. Please forgive me.

*"The Raider's March" from Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark plays blaringly loudly as the HD2 swoops in low*

SM, DON'T GIVE IN!

*CV ziplines down to the ground near Myst* Hey Borgses! You've taken my security guard! NOW IT'S PERSONAL! *shuts off the music and blastst the nearest dron into oblivion*

*blinks, though whether anyone can actually see this is still open to debate*

*watches CV zipline in*

Hey! I want one!

There's only one way to defeat the borg. We have to install Windows NT on the hive mind (thanks for the idea, sarge).
*rummages through pockets and takes out a CD*
Now, where's the CD-ROM drive?

sorry Chubby... good idea, but Myst already tried we assimilated Bill Gates

*to alleviate further temporal discrepancies, 24 activates the sprinkler system, which washes the invisible-cream from shroom making her visible, but also activates the drug in his system*

AHHH!! It's in my arm... spreading... you are clever, mushroom, but that only makes the collective want you more! Do you think you can resist? Good luck...AHHH! Drone, quickly!! Remove my arm!

*A tiny drone the size of a pinhead zooms into the room and screams through, cameras recording everything*

>> RECON4B: Data upload
<< CONN: Receiving... 45102 frames received
>> RECON4B: Initiating self destruct...

*The drone vapourizes*

*Just outside, Krans (dressed in a black jumpsuit) looks up from his datalink*

Okay... lets go.

*The door implodes thanks to the application of several metres of det-cord, and Krans runs through brandishing an EMP bomb*

Put the Mushroom down, or I'll fry you all!

*Presses "ARM", and checks the green light is on*

Just put the cat down and back away slowly...

*Poises finger over "FIRE" button*

No! You'll disable my pace maker! I'll die!

*a small one-person fighter emerges from a nearby dustcloud*

(on board the fighter)

[Computer] Destination reached, engine halted. Probe dispatched.

[Axe] Cool.

*the small probe emerges from the fighter, cloaks and enters the upper atmosphere. At the same time, Axe opens a message box on Saturn Girl's Borg computer thingie*

[Axe] I am Captain Axe Storm of the UBS Tripwire 4.01. As you should know, I am neutral to the Borg cause and therefore would prefer it if you left me and my one-man fighter alone. Please reply, stating your intentions regarding Sgt. Indiana Mushroom.

*smirks*

Ahh... you knights and your silly toys... You really think you can walk into the hive and begin blowing things up?? Besides, an explosion would be much more detrimental to your friend shroom than it would be to me...

*pain shoots up his arm* AHHH!!! Blasted drones! I suppose if you want something done right, you must do it yourself...
*buries arm in the wall, inches from shrooms head, and violently yanks on it, removing it at the shoulder. It gradually begins to deassimilate*

*looks back to shroom* If you won't cooperate, then you leave me little choice. When your cupboard next appears...it will be assimilated into the collective The Grail will be lost to you forever, and the button will still be around, haunting you... *in her ear* Can you live with those terms, my precious?

*taps into Apollo's Borg communicator thingie instead*

Actually, we're not Knights, but whatever...

And yes, we can walk into the hive and begin blowing things up. Unfortunatly for you, EMP pulses don't hurt non-cybernetic beings in any way (as demonstrated in many TV programs and films, inc. the Matrix).

Oh and BTW, we'd prefer it if you didn't make out that you could do anything (e.g. make 'the button' disappear), cause it's annoying. And we know it isn't true: if Commander Data didn't believe it then I don't .

*reads data regarding EMP*

ah. well then, this does present a problem, doesn't it?
*quickly tries to find a shield setting protecting the hive from an Electro-Magnetic Pulse, but discovers it difficult*

I see you have a faithful following, shroom... brave, but they underestimate us. If you join us, perhaps we can spare them...