Welcome to the ACF Archive

This archive has been set up as a repostitory for the history of the greatest armed conflict ever seen on H2G2 .... The Cat War.

Within the archive are records of ACF personnel MIA (Missing in Action) or AWOL (absent without leave), together with the war diaries of various ACF units.

Who Was Who In The ACF Armed Forces

We haven't heard from these ACF Troopers in a long time. Some may have fallen to the Cats and are buried in unknown lonely graves somewhere out there in H2G2. Other may have been undiscovered Cat infiltrators, we will never know.

• Moondawg - Eater of Cats (First Class). Loner in the Great North Woods - possibly Rabid
• Cocker Orange - In charge of the ACF Scientific Research Facilty and responsible for the development of evil secret weapons.
• The Krylma Leader - Nasty Marine Colonel and leader of the 1^st ACF Marine (Lizard) Corps. Currently engaged in the invasion of .... sorry, Day Trip to, the h2g2 Waterworks and Beach. Species representative for the h2g2 Lizards.
• RazorbackX - Arkansas Bad Boy and Cat hater.
• Nineto Okami - Secret agent K-9 and Lead dog on the ACF reconnaissance team.
• BullDawg Black Ops - Commander of the crack Dover Force.
• Ruff Dogg (a.k.a Thog) Cat Piddler-Upon 1st Class. Espionage, Covert Ops and Assassination Expert.
• Slash.Gnr Private Class Grunt 1.
• Rex The Devourer of shoes, Despoiler of carpets and skinner of cats (a.k.a Sam Page).
• Keef Honcho of heads.
• Mantis Schnapperator, Second Class Covert Operator, Lead distraction maker (chief tactic, draw attention to self by dancing with owner's underpants in backyard!).

Cat War - The Early Years

This is a record of the major early engagements of the Cat War, fought against the h2g2 Cats by the Anti-Cat Federation. The ACF was formed by a coalition of the h2g2 creatures that are the traditional foes or victims of Cats and is presently composed of the h2g2 Dogs, the h2g2 Fish, the h2g2 Lizards and the h2g2 Birds. The h2g2 Mice are still considering their position, eating their cheese and exercising in their wheels.

Origins

The Cat War was started for no very good reason other than it seemed a fun thing to do at the time ...... oh and also because it's a thing that's been going on since the beginning of time.

29^th July 2001

• Opening skirmish, the Dog House becomes operational and Moondawg and Red Dog launch a Pearl-Harbour style dawn attack on a cat related conversation.
• The Cats reply by setting up their own Cathouse and start a recruitment drive to supplement Cat Forces. Cats breed faster than Dogs and thus posing a serious menace to the Dog war effort.
• More sniping and stealthy infiltration into Dog conversations by the Cats and Cat conversations by the Dogs. A secret Dog Diplomatic initiative gets underway using the Natural History Museum as cover to create the ACF (don't tell anyone about this).
• Dog reinforcements arrive and the ACF Scientific Research Facilty is established for the development of evil secret weapons under the leadership of Cocker Orange.
• After several days of effort a Trojan Cat is built and hauled to the Cathouse. Cats set fire to the wooden structure mistakenly believing that it is full of hiding Dogs only to find that it is full of stray Cats and a tape recording of Dog sounds. Dogs celebrate triumph. For details go here.

5^th August 2001

• Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory the Dogs failed to realise the Cats had released the strays and substituted them with next-doors Alsatians. In a rescue mission Red Dog is captured and Henna'd by the Cats before escaping. Retiring to the Dog House licking his wounds the slightly pinkish Red Dog starts plotting his revenge.
• Change of strategy for the Dogs - realising the folly of frontal attacks the Dogs set up Poetry Corner at the Cathouse to tease Cats and a new Dog game Pee Marks the Spot to despoil the Cat's sunkissed garden.
• Dog diplomatic initiative starts to bear fruit as the Navy is commisioned under the leadership of Admiral RedFish and the h2g2 Fish join the fray. The ACFS "Crimson Shark" begins it's legendary voyage of destruction with Operation Fish-Quake - an assault on the Cathouse Garden. Supported by Red Dog in the Crap-o-matic AFV and Big Bad Werewolf the raid culminates in the destruction of the Cat's garden, the taking of the Cathouse and the raising of the ACF Flag above it's smoking remains.
• Sea is captured by the ACF and taken to the ACF Scientific Research Facility by Admiral RedFish to be subjected to [evil deed removed by Moderator].
• Sea unexpectedly escapes from the clutches of the ACF and goes into hiding. Cats establish Centre for the Development of Anti-Dog Technology.
• ACF commences cloning of sea.
• More recruits flood in to the increasingly popular ACF - Busterbone, Krylma Leader and Razorback all join up.
• The ACF The Curiositizer becomes operational attracting Cats from all over h2g2.

12^th August 2001

• Cat losses to the Curiositizer grows.
• The Krylma Leader initiates an invasion of the h2g2 Waterworks and Beach. All ACF resources deployed to occupy key sites such as the Swimming Pool, the Fountain and the Beach. Construction of a giant sandcastle begins.
• Fighter Command is established and the ACF takes to the sky as our Squadron of Sopwith Pups is deployed under the leadership of Busterbone.
• Cathouse is drenched by the effluent from the H2G2 Waterworks diverted there by the ACF.
• Granny Weatherwax is shot down by a flight of Sopwith Pups whilst fleeing from the Cathouse.

19^th August 2001

• Cat infiltration into the H2G2 Waterworks is discovered.
• The sea clone soeasilycloned is born, destroyed in a nuclear explosion and reborn all in one week.
• In a tragic accident Busterbone`s Sopwith Pup plumments into a mountain in a ball of flame. A CASEVAC team takes Busterbone to the Cloning Vats in a jiffy-bag for some reconstructive surgery. The ACF suspects sabotage.
• Busterbone is reincarnated thanks to RedFishes Cloning technology.
• The Atomic Kitten creates more mayhem at the Cathouse before finally being captured by a Cat HAZMAT squad.
• The Trojan Cat II is commissioned and is making its way to the Cathouse.
• The ACF celebrate recent victories over the cats by holding a Mess Dinner and Gala Night at the Dog House. Trophies collected from all over h2g2 are on display.

26^th August 2001

• General mayhem and confusion reigns.
• Peregrin and other new recruits join the ACF swelling it`s ranks to unprecedented levels.
• Peregrin presents Red Dog with a magnificent `Kitten Coat`

3^rd September 2001

• The ACF's most wanted list is published in the Dog House to critical acclaim.
• The ACF dare to think the unthinkable and occupy the Musehome in response to Dragonfly`s support of the cat cause.
• The Library is seized by a Dog squad who barricade themselves in using books on Cats as improvised breastworks.

After barricading themselves in the Library communications abruptly ceased from our expeditionary forces at this time. It is presumed that all were lost or captured and are being forced to hug Muses and eat Cheescake against their will.