Ask Prof!
Created | Updated Jul 11, 2003
The End of an Era...
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Greetings, all! This is Professor Christopher Tonks coming to you live through TimeServ! I'm here at the SB-annual technology fair on the planet of Sqana-5, in the San Alpha galaxy. I'm in the science expo building in the main city, an enormous structure built especially for the occasion - using my very own InstaThere telebuilding construction technology, of course. The fair has been open for a few hours now, and the place is jam-packed with all sorts of people from the entire Catchment Area of my constituency, and a load of other people - or entities, sorry - from other galaxies. I can't see anyone from Milky Way here that I know, but I gather that the galaxy's wormhole shuttle flyers are on strike or something.
The reason I'm transmitting this live - through a TimeServ connection, that allows you to receive the transmission live, despite when you may access the page - is because I simply couldn't miss this fair, and yet couldn't miss another issue of Ask Prof. As you may have noticed, my schedule has been rather pressing as of late, and this column has been coming out at somewhat erratic intervals. Unfortunately, due to more reasons than you'd want to hear about, I'm having to discontinue my writing of Ask Prof. Indeed, I have decided, after absolute thorough contemplation, that I shall take my leave of you. It's be-...
Oh, oh! Come over here! This is what I came to see today! You'll notice from the layout of the place that... Oh, you can't see, can you? This connection only caters for text and sometimes audio. I must make a note to install the new modules for the next release of netblocks. Anyway, I'm in the most frequented of the huge chambers in this building, the weapons presentation. Many of you may be surprised to find me excited at the prospect of seeing weapons at an expo - especially as I am one of the leading researchers into offence and defence technology - but this is something a little special.
It was always my intention to release my technologies to the public at some stage, and my own company - C.T. Enterprises, which I may have mentioned before - has seen to that over the years. It has funded a lot of my research at one time, though money is irrelevant now I'm in San Beta. At any rate, none of my publicly released inventions have ever been put to use in weapons manufacture, and this presentation is for the very first heavy-duty dimensional-capacity manned defence system. The ship builder corporation Zshunga Manufacturers, whose Milky Way branch built my Space Station, have been developing such systems for a few years now, and are a leading figure in the Universal market. (Another success from San Beta, thank you very much.) The modules they bought off me were the same used in the earlier prototypes of the Dimensional Matrix byPasser, the machine I invented a couple of years ago to send matter from one dimension to another through the Dimensional Matrix. These modules allow energy to be transferred to different realities - multiplying it - and then be sent back to the original reality at different angles. Effectively an instantaneous dispersal function.
Oh, hang on, it's gone quiet. They must be ready to give a quick demonstration.
*A fizzing sound is heard, indicative of the entire audience being teleported outside along with the weapon system and its crew. Sounds of equipment warming up are succeeded by an anticipative silence from the audience, and then a very loud boom. A second one is heard, at a higher pitch, and then a final crash. Debris can be heard falling to the grassland below.*
Good Heavens! That was fantastic! Sorry if you can't hear me so well, but the crowd's clapping so dashed loudly. Wow, certainly the best implementation of any of my technology used by a private corporation. An enormous beam of energy shot out of the 2m-diameter nozzle, and vanished suddenly. A sphere suddenly appeared around the target drone, comprised of millions of the same beams, all heading towards it! What an explosion that made! Seriously, that could almost destroy my Space Station if it weren't equipped with even some pretty good shields. And let's not forget that for every invention I create, I almost always have a countermeasure ready. The weapon I have described would be rendered useless if it was used on myself or anything protected by my private defence technology. *laughs proudly, if that's possible*
Anyway, I'm back in the main complex now, heading, quite appropriately for the defence systems area. You won't find many of my inventions here - defences were rarely released by C.T. Enterprises, as they would, as I said, counteract my own offence systems.
Ah, here we are. Oh, look! Some of the smaller stalls are arranged along this side of the chamber, and one's showing off a positively ancient model of mine. Protected against electromagnetic strikes of all basic things. Yes, so it included light, but, Heavens, this is quite primitive stuff!
By the way, I thought you'd all be pleased to know that I've apprehended and detained the great Question Marauder of Galactic Cluster Two. Oh yes, he's confined to a jail cell within my Watch. Indeed, zeptotechnology (way smaller than nanotechnology, which I'm sure you've heard of in theory, and the smallest size I've got feasible technology down to date) is what my Watch is comprised of, and allows for containment chambers within it less than the size of a single atom. You may remember when I talked about kerons a while back, of course. Anyway, I tracked him down on my way to San Alpha. I'd heard a few reports of him being in the area, and it took little time to realise that he was actually following me - a stupid move. I outmanoeuvred him with extreme ease, and brought him to a halt in orbit around a moon on the outer edges of a small intergalactic planet cluster. He'll be stealing no more questions from you, my adoring fans!
Perhaps, if I may be so daring, I shall give you all a little insight into my new range of scientific masterpieces, about to be produced aboard my Space Station. Not for public release, of course, these little beauties will make me the most powerful entity in the entire Omniverse! Ha-hah! If only I could get them working, that is. OK, I shall not daunt you with my aspirations for fair and just dominance over this Universe and its infinite counterparts, but rather tell you a bit about my new shielding devices. Capable of withstanding all forms of both matter and energy - plus magic, and the infinite other entities along those lines, many of which do exist in this very reality, but of which you know nothing - these shields draw power directly from the Space Between Dimensions itself, and permit me total control over their functions. I can have anything touching them instantly relocated elsewhere, completely obliterate the object, or even simply have them smash themselves to pieces. If you see what I see in these technologies, imagine the weapons! The awesome destructive power! That and my power to move anywhere in the Omniverse!
Just a pity I have principals that I must follow. Evil shall never take a hold of my good self.
Anyway, I must take leave of you, my good friends. I'm off to get a drink and give my lungs a rest. I've got myself quite excited. Though this is the end for Ask Prof, never fear that I shall one day make my glorious return to the Post! After all, it is still my duty to report anything going on at the Ministry of Science & Technology.
May I take this moment to thank you all for your excellent correspondence and support from the Post itself, most in particular Shazz for putting up with my erratic schedules and column submissions. Until we meet again, my audience and friends!
[Transmission ends.]
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Yours with sore throat and fond farewells,
- Professor Christopher Tonks
Minister for Science & Technology for the Alabaster House
GalaGroup Overseer to San Beta
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