h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...but the vodka still tasted like puke, specifically the pretentiously vomited chunks of actor...

Anthony Hopkins. "Clarise!" He moaned, "I said Chiante, not vodka!"
He wandered off, clutching a jar of fava beans, and Jane cried, "Look! We're saved! It's...

...a bird!"
"No, it's a plane!"
"Are you kidding? It's a...

... hot air balloon!


shazz

Everyone looked among themselves in confusion. Jane decide to...

...turn off the gas which had been permiating the air since...

..the bus exploded...

...and stranded them in the Mansion at the end of the road with the twisted sighpost, only twenty-five minutes from big-city...

...if you flew.

Meanwhile, in another corner of the party, a group of tipsy witches had been joshing Balor the Demon King about his golden mask.

"Go on, take it off, handsome", they cackled.

"You're really not going to like this, Balor warned, then, with a fatalistic shrug, he removed the mask.

The witches were instantly turned to stone. Balor gave an unhappy sigh, put back on his mask, and mooched off to the kitchen. It can be lonely, being different.

"Tell me about it," said Kermit The Frog. He was dragging Piggy's luggage up the stairs when she called down to him, "Kermie,...

...Peter really wished Jane would give over with the daft nickname thing. He called her Miss Piggy ONCE, and that was just a sarcastic comment he made in a restaurant a few months back.

Jane was all set to spend the rest of the night in the castle - now that the smell of gas and vodka puke had dispersed. In fact she was rather looking forward to a bit of a passion session after all the excitement.

Peter however, had other plans...

Peter followed Jane into their room, setting the cases down with a large thump as he pleasurably took in his surroundings.

Large and baronial, the room was furnished in a baroque style, all gilt frames, old paintings and a velvet-draped four-poster bed. Candles flickered in teh soft light.

Peter sighed with joy, then caught sight of Jane's face. Jane was staring at him, stock still, the colour drained from her face.

"Jane darling - what is it?" he asked.

Trembling, Jane pointed to the mirror directly behind him.

"Peter" she gasped. "Where has your reflection gone?"

Peater gasped and fell to the floor......

meanwhlie down in the secret basmet something eveil was parpearing something totaly eveil fof the rest of the gests upstairs.........

...A Pot Noodle!

And so continued the festivities with Peter and Jane and their friends and the film crew and the zombies and ghouls and Dave and Jim and Mark and of course, Bailey the Wonder Dog, who by the way showed up with 3 more kegs of beer. ( not an easy feat for a dog, even a Wonder Dog you know).
They partied on, but as the clock approached midnite, some very, very, strange things began to occur...

...stranger than a Pot Noodle
...stranger than Peter's missing reflection
...stranger than finding postings 21-50 after you've already replied
...

... and certainly stranger than finding that the clock seems to be going backwards...


shazz

...Martha Stewart arrived and began to fly about the house on a vacuume cleaner, sprinkling flower petals and cottage cheese. This did not come as a shock to...

Bailey the Wonder Dog, who saw her arrive...

But everyone else was horrified...