h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*wakes suddenly*


Frightfully good dream I was having,what! I was an important person whose opinions mattered! Dellars what say you and me crack open a bottle of something slightly frisky and ring up an employment agency and see what theyve got in the way of young men for the handy man post. We could pretend to interview them

*rummage under chair, pull out bottle, wobble, pull out another one for balance* this is how this excellent brand came by it's name, always drink two bottles ... did we say one dark one blond? Handymen i mean, not bottles...

*carelessly*
I blieve we did....

Application for Handyman

Slim, blond, blue eyes, cute b*m

Two hands!!

Do I get an interview?

i say that was quick!*narrows eyes suspiciously*.Scrawl? You can't be one of the Derbyshire lot,none of them ever get beyong five foot six and behinds the size of the peaks.

No Maam, I'm a Southerner

Slightly above 5'6'' - closer to 5'9''

And no you'd never call them peaks, more like coastal plains but hard as granite

Have I made the shortlist?

6 feet's the absolute minimum i say, so as to be able to reach down them bottles from the higher shelves ... needs broad shoulders to carry them wine cases and restrict access to these hallowed halls to the worthy, keep off the riffraff and Frenchies and gypos with a few well chosen ...cuffs... I say, it's Dolph Lundgren we really want, don't we?

*flustered* we have to interview a lot of people of course.

Ah but can Dolf start immediately?

Does the job come with a uniform by the way?

Och, Dolph can start any time he likes, everythin's interim to that guy i guess, mwah ha! Lets interview lots of likely candidates anyway!

It most certainly does come with a uniform!! *whispers to delicia* Don't let em know were interviewing for the sake of interviewing will you? Give them the impression were interviewing for immediate start!

Ooh I like uniforms, will it show off all my best attributes?

I should certainly hope not! Nothing more offputting than turning round and seeing one of those when youre deep into the Times crossword!

*grumpph*

I say, who's this chappy? Come to dust off the shelves, have you? Good show. There's a bottle of Bishop's Shame on the top shelf that hasn't been visible to the human eye since the Titanic left harbour.

Jump to it, lad. Yes, and you can call me 'sir'.

Theres a bottle of Cardinals Complete Undoing up there as well I believe....

and my silk knickers, if you'll excuse my mentionin' this article in polite society, with which i attempted to lasso a bottle of Queens Quiffy, which must also be up there somewhere...

The less said the better.

That's all very well, my dear old chap, but what about my Quiffy? Not to mention my knickers, which I shouldn't...with lace all round too...

Quiffy? Who or what on God's green earth...?

I'm too old for this.

Lace? There went my heartrate...

Yes, even women wear those sometimes. Perfectly shocking isn't it? An' it was my only one so I had to go without ever since... Quiffy 08