Managers And Management

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So Long, And Thanks For Laughing

Brilliant Quotes Of Management

  • As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
    building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken
    next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two

  • What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will

  • E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
    should be used only for company business.

  • This project is so important, we can't let things that are
    more important interfere with it.

  • Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No
    one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
    working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and
    I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.

  • My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal
    that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was
    damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was

  • Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what
    I say."

  • My sister passed away and her funeral was
    scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so
    that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He
    then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said,
    "That would be better for me."

  • "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is
    not going to discuss it with the employees."

  • We recently received a memo from senior management saying:
    "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding
    the subject mentioned above."

  • One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
    concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow
    would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would
    have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"

  • Speaking the Same Language: As director of communications, I
    was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training
    programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the
    sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the
    training manuals.

    The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was
    called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive
    Vice President wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I
    asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts"
    (pedophilia?) working in her company.

    Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I
    be fired - and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR
    manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in
    his dictionary, and made a copy of the definition to send back to
    her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it.

    Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out directing us
    that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday
    newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I
    resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my
    resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.

  • This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated
    memo from a large communications company: "(Company name) is
    endeavorily determined to promote constant attention on current
    procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on
    innovative ways to better, if not supersede, the expectations of

So Long, And Thanks For Laughing

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