h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Kudos snickers to himself and activates some good-old-fashioned heat-seeking missiles. In typical Kudos fashion, though, instead of actually trying to lock them on the beam sources, he fires them wildly about.*

*The Krylma Leader pushes a minion out of a chair and uses the terminal to retarget all of the Eric Evari Rays onto a single point on the tank to try and increase their heat*

Let's see if those heat seeking missiles do their job properly...

*The surface of the tank sizzles and bubbles under the combined force of the beams. The heat seeking missiles begin to twitch toward the tank...*

[Kudos] oh

*...but then the top of the tank opens up, ejecting Kudos into the Stadium stands. The tank puts up some reflectors that redirect the beams in the direction of the control room...*

[Kudos] OOOOF. Blasted tank! Get back here!

*The tank growls.*

[Kudos]

*The Krylma Leader frowns and quickly shuts off the lazers, keeping an eye on the missiles. He picks up a microphone to address the alien*

KL-Kudos! Why did you eject yourself from that tank, and why is it growling?

*one of the reflected rays has hit the vendor's replacement umbrella, and she is once more hovering under a spray of smoking struts*

in 'eck.

[Ray watches all this with interest.]

*The Krylma Leader waits for a response, still keeping a wary eye on the tank*

*the vendor pulls out a handheld device and starts shopping for non-flammable umbrellas*

What's the delivery address here?

I smell hot dogs...

*Kudos attempts to pry himself out of the bleachers, in blissful ignorance of the incoming cartoonish allotment of heat-seeking missiles.*

*Winces at the sight of the missiles now coming towards the stadium and tries to raise the stadium's minimal defenses quickly*

I suppose I could put up a VPB in the meantime, 'though I've no idea how they handle flameballs. *stretches a VPB over the still-warm struts of the umbrella and watches with interest as the transparent material reshapes itself to accommodate the spines*

*Slaps his forehead for not thinking of it sooner, and he activates several of the fire traps in the hazing grounds of the arena floor, since that place is being repaired anyway*

*The Krylma Leader orders several minions to go to the basement and requisition one of the gigantic spherical boulders. With a service elevator, the boulder is taken to the top of Kudos' section of the stands, and the boulder is pushed down, as in a giant game of plinko, haphazardly bouncing down between the seats towards the alien*

*the vendor finds herself in the path of the boulder, maybe, and is momentarily paralyzed with indecision as to which way to run*

[Ray moves out of the way, and regards the vendor.] Hmm ... maybe I should telekinetically hold her in place ...

You should, you should!

*the boulder hits the umbrella and bounces off the VPB, careening in a new direction but downslope of the vendor*

*The Krylma Leader grabs the control room's microphone and laughs maniacally into it*

KL-Behold, Kudos, as death falls from above! As more and more boulders begin to cascade down, ask yourself...can you survive my Plinko Game Of Doom?! Ah-Hahahahahahahaha!!!

*He snaps off the microphone*

KL-Hmmm...was that too forced?

*A nearby Gecko Warrior shrugs, noncommitally*

*the vendor looks up at the umbrella with interest. One strut is dented slightly, but the VPB is as if untouched*

Well. That's useful to know.

*Kudos holds up a sign saying , ala Wile E. Coyote, the moment before everything hits him at once.*

*Meanwhile, the tank whines miserably to itself.*