h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Really?

Just one warning... I'm not actually using a home ISP, so sometimes I may be on, I may be not, but I'll try and get up-to-date with the posts...

Other than that, as long we can postpone it until Monday, I accept on that condition...

That's OK. Mono a Mono, right?

Just don't wreck my flea market. I'm thinking of turning it into a gift shop.

*pulls out wallet*
now about those darts...

*Caper Plip pulls out her tenis racquet.*

Okay, let's go!

Players are ready. Ready to play - play.

Lle naa haran e’ nausalle!

*Prepares*

Give me your best shot!

*Draws a sword and begins to walk forward*
I am using inventory #2 so far. It's on my page

*lunges forward, and a knife flashed out of his hand, heading for Caper's throat*

*Caper Plip nonchalantly moves one step to the right, and Mystrunner smashes his skull on a wall that has conveniently appeared*

Do you carry all that gear in a Jiffy Bag?

*Mystrunner pulls back away from the side of the building, where a dent has appeared in the masonry from where his rune tatoos (now glowing) protected him from impact.*
*Mashadar, sensing magic, begins to creep towards them*

Aiya!

*Fiddles around with space/time. The wall moves across the street, blocking Mashadar's path for the time being.*
*Mystrunner pauses, and looks into the room that has just been opened*

(Scary thing and many others like it) Hi again!
(Myst) Ed’ i’ear ar’ elenea!

*Uses grappling hook to pull himself up to the top of the building, leaving Caper with the scary things*

Lle anta amin tu?

(Scary thing) *brandishing sharp, scythe-like claws* You play tag?

*Caper Plip disappears in a puff of clakc and reappears as a manicurist with lurid-painted fingernails and a strong Mancunian accent.*

Now dearie (to the scary thing, those nails are SO 1970s! You need a bit of oil on the cuticles and filing done.



Scary things... only are scary because they haven't had a manicure in so long!

Onen i-estel Periannath! Yep, you'd think their nails were fine, but those thick-skinned hands are just so uncouth!



Now, who's going to pay me? (to scary thing) Oh, you can go to the ball now!

*The scary thing thanks the Mancunian Manicurist and disappears in a pumpkin coach and four.*



Oi, Squirrel-boy! Where's my tip?

*Caper Plip picks up the Ultimate Manicurist's Weapon - an emery board with add-ons, including Full Buff and Shine!*

Come down and fight, you cowardly rodent!

Sorry, that should have been 'puff of chalk'

*leaps off the wall and lights gently on the ground*

*in broken english* Come, then, and fight.

*draws both swords, and affixes crossbow to an arm, loading a clip.*

I like it! The Manicurist from Heck!

*Caper Plip changes back into training kit and wields a ripe banana.*

Behold! THE SOFT FRUIT OF DOOM!

Ye gods...

*a knife flashes from Mystrunner's hand, and the bannanna vanishes in a spray of fruit*

*grins*

DO NOT MESS WITH THE SOFT FRUIT OF DOOM!

*The banana clusters home back on to Mystrunner and hits him in the face, causing his head to explode and fragments of his brain and clothing to hang off the side of the wall. Small clusters then appear and cause damage where he is standing, amounting to blowing up a small Greek island.*

I'm actually away until Monday, so I won't be able to post until then. Could we freeze this battle until Monday (after your go, of course

*ten minutes into the future, Mystrunner alters space-time, and pulls himself forward in time to save himself, so that he could save himself ten minutes from now.*

you get all that?

*The old Mystrunner vanishes due to space time reverbs, and Mystrunner dashes forward through the smoke, and switches on the sound dampener. Sound now voided, he flies on top of Caper Plip, and stabs various needles into her spine. Paralasis sets in instantaniously, and her mind is filled with hallucinations of Al Gore in a thong and the Teletubbies speaking gibberish. Slowly, the fatal poison of the Ebon Dragon sets in, turning Caper's mind into a pile of worthless carbon8

Looks like I'm back earlier than expected

Blimey, if you're reverting to time-travel to save yourself you must be REALLY running out of ideas

*Thankfully, the divine part of Caper Plip has enough sense left to go to the local doctor, where she is cured of all ailments at the excellent Chelsea and Westminster Hospital in London.*

*As she looks up into the sky, she spots a massive concrete donkey (whose existence will become clear later) come plummetting down through the air and land on top of Mystrunner, squashing him flatter than a very flat thing indeed.*