h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

well, sure. what do you need to fix?

Nothing now.

I would just like general lessons. You know, sharpening, cleaning, recalibrating. The basics.

okay. we can do that.

sorry, red fox. RL has been... difficult.

allright. so. we'll start with cleaning, since we've got a nice gorey mace to work with.

*sea shows RF the cleaning solution and starts to work*

you can use this brush on the stubborn parts. it's best to let it soak for a while, but not too long, or the metal will rust. five minutes is usually good.

*scrub, scrub*

then, you put it in the dryer. this dryer is specially designed to dry the metal quickly and prevent rust. of course, you still have to treat it with a rust-proofing agent.

naturally, this is a process for weapons that are in good condition. fragile or very very old ones take more delicate care.

That one's pretty sturdy. It's nicely stainless, thouggh, so don't worry about rust

Lemme see!

hi, yo! long time no see. how's it going?

*busy showing red fox how to sharpen the spikes on the mace with a sharpening cloth*

all you need is the sharpening cloth, a soft cloth, and some bandages. just watch your fing--OWWW! dag nabbit. i always do that. well, that's what the bandages are for. then you use the soft cloth to wipe away the dust.

*sea holds up the mace, which shines intimidatingly*

see? nice, huh?

tis good, hows you? ohhhh! sharp things!


geesss, always hurting yourself......gesss!

yeah, well....

but then again, thats why I love ya

Well, small cuts don't bother me much.

that's probably a good thing, in this business...

allright, so once you've got the points nice and sharp, you can test them out. would you like to do the honors? there's some testing furniture in teh back room...

Whooopeeeee! !

(Goes about smashing stuff)

Hey Sea? Isn't that like using the office lines for personal calls?

Hello?

I need a second copy of "The Dark Arts For Dummies".

Any chance you might be carrying it?

hmmm.... i don't honestly know.

*checks computer*

aren't you the lucky one? i do have one in stock.

*goes into the back room, being careful to watch out for red fox and the mace, retrieves book*

and, for payment, i'll need 2 signed pictures of yourself, if it's not too much trouble. any size will do.

Of myself...? Ah, well...

*Signs two copies*

Here.

*grins widely*

pleasure doing business with you.

dare i ask why you need a /second/ copy?

Eh? What?

well, you mentioned you needed a second copy... i just wondered why.

of the book, that is. sorry.

Ah, I borrowed a copy from a friend for some quick reincarnation, and enjoyed it enough to buy a second.