h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: A Guide to the German Federal States - A5646648
Author: SchrEck Inc. - U120894

I've been working on it some time, but finally it's finished. A not so short cultural/geographical/historical overview to Germany's federal states. Please be gentle, and please point out any 'Germanisms' that still may have hidden in the text.

SchrEck Inc.

PS - Just in case someone asks - no, I don't want to divide it into smaller parts (dunno where to divide). And no, I don't want to rework it into an uni project (the sections are too small to merit seperate entries, and I don't want to expand them further).

Sehr gut, mein freund I have these suggestions for the first section.

Para 1: widely spread > widespread. ...are often a bit > often being a bit. Last sentence - delete 'This is where'.

2: there is often...mentioned > a gap between...is often mentioned. the 'old' federal states - delete repeated 'the'. the diffrerential > differences. meaning that... [to end of para] > as the South is generally better off than the North, due to more industry, higher wages and less unemployment.

3: there are also...until today > there are still cultural differences. 'cold war' and 'iron curtain' should be capitalised. centralistically-organised > centrally planned

4: you could > you can. translate > change. are even offering > even offer. take a step further > take things a step further.

These are all little mistakes by the way, and the content is fine

BW

Para 1: is located in > delete meaningless 'located' because the inhabitants...thrifty > due to the inhabitants' legendary cleanliness, diligence and thrift. in the public opinion the whole of...> the received opinion is that... just a part of... in Bavaria > in fact only part of Swabia lies in Wurttemberg, the rest being in Bavaria.

2: very attractive for tourists > notoriously attractive to tourists. not only...notorious good weather > partly due to the fine climate; It may be ...exquisite cookery > Gourmands please note have their restaurant in > work in. could expect > can expect. tributed > attributed.

3: Colon in 1st sentence > full stop. areas belonging to the church > glebe lands. sovereign > monarch. which themselves were > which were themselves.

BY

1: with borders to > bordering on. very powerful economics > a very powerful economy. From times > From the time. aversion for > aversion to. so much that the > so much so that.

2: the primordial > historic. [Join paras 2 and 3 together]

3: the Alps foreland > the Alpine foothills. relaxing at > relaxing by.

4: back until > back to. fifth > 5th. first world war should be capitalised.

Thanks very much, I'll address your points later.

Hi SchrEck!

It may be taken as rather condescending the way you introduce the entry: "As many hopefully will know". Without wanting to alter your style, I would make the tone of this introductory para a bit more matter-of-fact.

Leave out "As many hopefully will know" and start with the simple fact that "Germany - ... - consists of 16 federal states."

The rest of the paragraph could be something like: "While these divisions are purely political, there are many characteristics which are typical for each state."

This way you avoid implying that "You lot might know a bit about how Germany is divided up - at least I hope you do - and I'm going to tell you a bit more."

The intention of *any* entry is to provide the reader with information that he hitherto did not know about, so the sentence: "More detailed information is not so widely spread though, even just the names of all the states are often a bit of a difficulty for many Germans. This is where this article will try to fill the gaps." is somewhat superfluous.

As the rest of the entry goes on in the matter-of-fact style, delivering facts and figures in an orderly fashion, the chatty style of the opening paragraph does not fit in.

Having said that, I would be very upset to have someone say this about an entry if it was mine, so I apologise if by commenting on your style, I have offended in any way.


Other tiny weeny nitpicks are:



"translate the ü umlaut to 'ue' where appropriate"
the "where appropriate" can be deleted, as you always translate Ü to UE in web addresses.

BADEN-WÜRTTEMBERG

"the inhabitants are said to be extraordinary cleanly"
->
".. are said to be extraordinarily clean and houseproud"


"This is often tributed to French influences"
->
"This is often attributed to French influences" (or "to the influence of neighbouring France")

BAVARIA

"From times when Prussia and Bavaria were still independent kingdoms (18th century) there is also an aversion for the Prussians"
->
"...aversion to..."
or ".. the Bavarians harbour an aversion to the Prussians"

BERLIN

"having approximately twice as much inhabitants as Hamburg"
->
"having approximately twice as many inhabitants as Hamburg"



"It eventually became the residency of King Frederic "
->
"It eventually became the residence of King Frederic "



"The newer history "
->
"More recent history"



"and it was only allowed for West Germans to cross the border "
"and West Germans were only allowed to cross the border ..."

(Foreigners were only allowed to cross at Friedrichstrasse. I still have nightmares about the day we went to East Germany and I had to go through a different channel from my husband) And of course, it was near on impossible for citizens of the East to cross from East to West.



Also in the paragraph about divided Berlin, you may have to define who the Allied Powers, in charge of the Western half of Berlin, were. These days, a lot of people might not know.



"a vote of parliament in 1991 it was decided for the parliament and federal government to be relocated from Bonn to Berlin."
"... it was decided to relocate the seat of government from Bonn (back?) to Berlin"



I'm at work here, so I can't carry on with this for the moment.

Brilliant idea, anyway - should have thought of it myself!!!!!

So now you get two versions to chose from

Berlin:

1: twice as much > twice as many. Delete 'the second largest one.'

2: offers a lot for > has a lot to offer. Charlottenburg palace > capitalise 'palace'. better use > it's better to use.

3: 'only' > remove inverted commas. until > to.

4: The newer history > The city's more recent history. the partly damaged > badly damaged. western allies - capitalise.

5: after > due to. DDR - deitalicise. massive protests of the population, > mass protests... Delete 'in the first place'. by a vote...Berlin > in 1991 a motion was passed to relocate the Bundestag and federal government from Bonn to Berlin.

BR

[Join first two paragraphs]

2: the main... of Brandenburg > Brandenburg's main tourist attractions.

3: Electorate Brandenburg - switch words. founded not - and again. Prussian Kingdom > Kingdom of Prussia. Delete 'the former'. in the German reunification > after Reunification.

HB

1: Weser - deitalicise. which made > which has made. extremely important for > extremely important to. are coming in via > are via. thus providing > thus provides.

2: Parks to relax > parks to relax in.

3: again gaining independence > regaining the level of autonomy. which had been lost during the Nazi reign > lost during Nazi rule.

4: begin > beginning Delete comma after 20th. at this time ... emigration to America > at this time emigration to America was at its peak. End sentence. the emigrants > Emigrants. they were > were. Delete 'with accommodation and food'.

Hi
I just checked BW and Berlin, but found at least one mistake.
The Wall was built at 13th of August 1961.
Maybe you should also explain DDR more directly.

AXR

Very good SchrEck! I especially liked the history parts.

I think there was a typo: "wants to go TO Sylt"

And I thought, maybe you could include Bonn to "other cities in NRW", as it was the country's capital for some time. And possibly Passau to "other cities in Bayern", there is also an edited guide entry on Passau, and the importance of the town will increase dramatically in my opinion, as I shall be moving there very soon

You mentioned in the Hamburg section something about a Hamburger being the inhabitant, not only the fast food. Sho has written an entry on that subject, I don't know if it's still in Peer review, but maybe you could put a link in a footnote, or something

Here's Sho's entry A9157223

I've recently been told that linking to non-edited entries is a no-no.

Hi, Schreck!
This entry looks really comprehensive and informative.

I can appreciate that you don't want to make this any longer, so I'll keep my comments to places where your English idiom may be slightly off, or perhaps a bit unclear. This post covers as far as Brandenburg--please excuse any duplication compared to other people's comments!

--I think you should write each figure for the state area as km2, not just footnote it. It would be different if you had them in a comparative table where you just labelled the columns at the top, but here the measurements are widely separated and the lack of units is distracting.

--"...just a part of Wurttemberg could be called Swabia, while a major part is actually located in Bavaria."
==>It's not clear here whether you mean a major part of Wurttemburg is in Bavaria, or a major part of Swabia is in Bavaria.

--"As Bavaria has always been a state with very powerful economics..."
==>"...with a very strong economy..."

--"...the Alps foreland,.."
==>"...the foothills of the Alps,..."

--"...the low-mountain range in the East..."
==>"...the lower mountain range in the East,..." or "...the range of hills in the East..."

--"The history of Bavaria dates back until the fifth century AD,"
==>"...dates back to the fifth century AD..."

--"...having approximately twice as much inhabitants as Hamburg,..."
==>"...twice as many..."

--"...and there have been thoughts to make one state 'Berlin-Brandenburg' of these two;"
==>"...thoughts of making..."

--"...demanding freedom of movement and travel (Reisefreiheit) in the first place."
==>"...demanding freedom of movement and travel (Reisefreiheit) as a basic right."

"...by a vote of parliament in 1991 it was decided for the parliament and federal government to be relocated from Bonn to Berlin."
==>...by a vote of parliament in 1991 it was decided to relocate the parliament and federal government from Bonn to Berlin."

--"Brandenburg became a part of Prussian Kingdom, and together with the Prussia's capital Berlin one of the major political powers in Europe."
==>"Brandenburg became part of the Kingdom of Prussia, and together with the Prussian capital Berlin, one of the major political powers in Europe."

I'll have a look at the other half tomorrow!

Azara

Continuing with HH...

1: Delete *all* the locateds by the way. No need for them.

2: towh hall > the Town Hall. still are > are still. It lost > It has lost.

3: at the Elbe river > on the River Elbe. since... is > since... has been. with just about 50,000 inhabitants, but grew...process > when it had around 50,000 inhabitants, after which it grew rapidly due to industrialisation. In the newer history, > Recent events include a big fire... the allied bombardments > the Allied bombings.

HE

1: and it borders > comma + bordering With an origin in agriculture, > Once mainly agricultural, is now focussing > now focuses western Rhine-Main area; > End sentence Germany's finance centre...Frankfurt > Frankfurt is Germany's financial capital and has its largest airport. People living in Hesse > Hessians [?]

2: Delete 'a scenery of' Delete 'and so on'

3: in a letter of > in a letter from middle ages > capitalise reign > rule Philipp > Philip

MVP

1: It borders the Baltic sea, Poland.. > It is on the Baltic Sea, and borders Poland... consists mainly of agriculture > is mainly agricultural thanks to the beaches of the Baltic sea > thanks to the beaches on the Baltic coast could roughly > can roughly semicolon > colon.

2: coast > coastal something > anything semicolon > full stop Of touristic interest > Of interest to tourists resorts on > resorts of but also > and also

3: Slavian > Slavic got under > fell under in Germany's reunification > until Germany's reunification

Und jetzt, NS...

1: Delete 'and is' before 'still' It borders the North Sea, > It is on the North Sea, and borders... not to forget > also lower German > Low German for anyone not being born > to anyone not born
2: low-mountain range > [uplands? hills? mountains?] Thus it contains...mentality > Hence it is a diverse state, not just topographically but also with regard to its people and their mentality. Delete 'of course' coast > coastal ...and the better economy could > ...and greater wealth can a big circle > a broad region that bordered > bordering iron curtain - capitalise the reunification > Reunification Delete 'still'
3: real [slang] > really reign > rule again speak > speak again

NRW

1: West > west the federal state... inhabitants > the most populous federal state Delete 'indeed'
2: plate > plateau [twice] scenery > landscape big > large Of touristic interest are of course mainly... > The main tourist areas are...
3: has never been > was not East > east was... since > was... from Delete '(Rhine Land)' - no need for it. Second 'Rhine Land' > Rhineland.

RP

1: Insert 'the' before 1st word.
2: touristic > tourist namely > including Delete 'just to name a few'
3: Insert 'the' which > whose Rhine land > Rhineland [twice] Hesse > Hessian much > many
dates back until > dates back to where > when they are > are

SL

1: known for > known for its history with unsteady reign... France > history of changing hands between France and Germany
2: river; it is one... woodlands > river, and is one of the most densely wooded federal states also incurs into > is also partly in reaching > dating may be suited > is suitable
3: and about > and are about It was part > The region was part middle ages - capitalise it got French > it became French semicolon after 'until 1935' > full stop the more left... Saarland > Saarland's left-wing and liberal parties the majority in a referendum > in a referendum the majority voted for > voted in favour of it was decided > its people decided a referendum > another referendum colon > full stop thus it is > it is therefore

And the final part, starting with Saxony

1: Czechia > the Czech Republic tributed > attributed saxonian - capitalise best economy > strongest economy the reunification > Reunification
2: could > can middle > central
3: Delete 'King' in the following times > later Kingdom - decapitalise (re)founded > refounded

ST

1: middle > centre thus is > is therefore even if > although
2: is getting more > becomes more
3: The area... of Germany > What is now Saxony-Anhalt was an important German cultural centre middle ages - capitalise semicolon > dash are stemming from > stem from Thirty Year's War - remove apostrophe
4: Delete 'mainly' semicolon > full stop [we really don't like long sentences in English!] further on > Later on districts, these were > districts that were and became a unified Anhalt again... > reunifying as Anhalt not to confuse > not to be confused

SH

1: Having such a long... Baltic Sea > Having two long coastlines Sylt is > Sylt, which is crowded by > crowded with
2: not to forget > not forgetting Baltic Sea coast > Baltic Coast pictoresque > picturesque fjords > inlets [?] Put 'also' before 'makes'
3: the relation > its relation has once been a part > was once part Duchy of Holstein - precede with 'the' both the Denmark > both the Danish but was in fact mostly > but has in fact been mostly Only... Denmark lost > Only... did Denmark lose went back to Denmark > was returned to Denmark this has somewhat > this is somewhat

TH

1: the middle of Germany and borders > central Germany, borders it's not only sausages, but also castles... > there's more than sausages: castles... so that > and
2: is... foothill > are... foothills centres (obviously) mostly > mostly centres
3: and was > and the area was Kingdom - decapitalise reign > rule then was > was then in Ihe > In the with the exception of > except which went to > which became part of re-reunited > reunited once again

Hope this helps,
Jack

My that's a lot of corrections - hang in there SchrEck!

Most of them are suggestions, little improvements etc. Please don't take them as being hypercritical, Schreck

Excellent entry indeed. I would definitely mention Bonn, at least in passing.

I just wondered whether you wanted to say anything about Germany's federal structure, with them having a lot of power in aspects such as environment?

sprout

Thanks y'all - I've incorporated most of the suggestions. Made the entry a lot better, I think.

AXR: I've deliberately left out are some more info on the DDR - as a Wessi I'm no expert and it truly deserves a seperate, exhaustive entry on its own.

Zat's it it for now...

for all the changes! for your patience!

Two general points, on looking back over the whole thing:
--It isn't always clear which states were part of the DDR and which weren't. I found this a bit confusing reading about Thuringia, for example. It only applies to 5 or 6 states, doesn't it? I think it would be better to actually list them when you mention the DDR in the beginning, or otherwise mention it specifically in the section about each state.
--The numbers for area and inhabitants could be clearer: as I said in a previous post, it looks as if they were put this way to fit into a table, but it doesn't make much sense to do it that way where all the numbers are separated. Giving a population of, say 11,000, and then footnoting it 'in thousands' really is much less clear than just writing 11,000,000! Likewise, giving the area units only in the footnote, especially when many English speakers will be used to square miles, not square kilometres, is a bit distracting.

A few other things that struck me on a second read-through:

I think that in the Berlin section, Hitler and the Nazis deserve at least one mention, something like: "From the Reichstag fire to the death of Hitler in his bunker, Berlin reflected the rise and fall of the Nazi regime."

You say: "Geographically, Hesse is dominated by low-range mountains that are spread throughout the country, such as Rhön, Odenwald, Taunus, Spessart." I could have sworn that Spessart was in Bavaria (I worked there as a student! ).

In the footnote about Hannover, you say "This dynasty still has a connection to the English Monarchy since Electoral Prince Georg Ludwig became George I King of England in 1714." I think you should change "England" to "the United Kingdom"; it would also be worth adding: "The British monarchs were also Electors of Hannover until Queen Victoria, who as a woman could not inherit the title, which went to her uncle instead." to that footnote (but of course not if you think it would make it too long!)


Azara

this is fantastic! (and not just because of the link to mine which made me and :D)

As I grew up there, I was a little disappointed to see no mention of the Lüneburger Heide, which is a big tourist attraction in Niedersachsen.

I didn't see that you had included a reference to the fact that Bonn was the seat of government (as opposed to capital, I think most people would agree that it was always Berlin?) after the country was divided until very recently.

(oh, and can I mention how totally brilliant I find the area of Ost-Westphalen? What a name!!)

Can't wait to see this on the front page.