h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

coming from you, terri, that's high compliment.

actually i have mellowed a bit. i used to be MUCH crazier. and terri was loving it.

i mean, i shuffle in, bounce up and down onna the table, go "guh guh" and throw several people in the ale barrel, terri included, and she's like, dripping all over the place and she's laughing her head off. and i think, wow, man.

one of the nicer things to come out of ychat.

*blink*

*shrugs at sea*

*follows lauri's lead, shrugs back*



okay, so what's the plan, siun?

"I can't take this anymore!" (throws down his hat and stomps up-and-down on it)
"Mind control, fireballs, and mages? What's next, a visit to the local dungeon where the dragon will introduce us to his Nacho breath? Can't we live a normal life. No, I suppose no, not with two sets of freakazoids here."
(Goes on ranting, stomping the gray derby into the ground)
"And what's all this about magical beings way more powerful than I can imagine? That I have no hope of fighting them? What IS that? Y'know, we need some nukes. Some good, old-fashioned high technology. Okay, I am out of here. I'll go and work on something useful."
(Realized he didn't come here with a hat. Holds up now-tattered headware sheepishly.)
"Umm, so that's it. I'm off."

Siun: I don't think you are. Sit down, and please do shut up.

Canaru: Yes, what she said. And she hasn't been shuddering. Sea shivvered a moment ago, I noticed *blushes slightly* but that's only what I picked up on my scanners, see...

Siun2: ANYWAY! We need to think up a feasable plan. This wizard here, ther probably be;lieve him to be expendible, else they wouldn't have sent him up all by his lonesome.

Wizard guy: I resent that greatly.

Canaru2: *kicks the wizard lightly with his steel-toed boot* Appologise. Now.

Wizard: Ow. Sorry...

Siun2: Right then. Anyone have any good ideas? I was thinking a general "cover and run like hades up the mountain." I just haven't thought up the cover bit as yet.

Siun: what about the ice storm they were going on about? Would that work?

Canaru: Might be sufficient. What do you think, Ice? And Sea, do you think that you would be able to handle it?

Ancient leaden pipes, corroding with age and dripping water onto polished obsidian and steel, glowed dimly in the sickly red light. It flashed on and off, fading in and out to the beat of some daemon's heart. The rat's sqeaked at the invasion of their subterranean lair. A passage has been carved from the old city tunnel, and an awful expanse of hard-edged technology has taken shape.

I watch as the servo-droids, hive-minded robotic organisms, went toiling, driven at their tasks. Watched, as some carried raw materials on their backs, clattering on prelaid tracks that their limbs could hook up to. Others welded here, twisted there, and motored there, as they proceeded to complete the device I would need.

Yes... That was it.

Once those six emitters were emplaced, and their capacitors released trillions of volts of the electricity required to set them off, the geodesic sphere would 'rotate' in netherspace for a nanosecond - and when it halted, thirty-two degrees off mark, it would have recalled into its recieving chamber the one person I needed, besides Pack, to bring some Maat into this world.

Witness the Parallel Entity Recaller.

The speakers beeped twice as the monochrome monitor I'd salvaged came to life. It displayed:

Program ready.

Enter parameters for search:

"HA! They thought they didn't like me, eh? Like me and my technology, huh?" I ran from keyboard to keyboard, entering data, quadruple-checking the alignment, and just generally cackling to myself. Transfer of personality from existing in the same universe as my parralel self, no doubt.

There was a hum as the huge machines started up. The generators that were delivering enough power to blow the entire Isle of Manhattan into high orbit. The huge, interlocking metal sphere.



"Heee-hAhAh!"
I punched the button. Then I headed like hell for the blast bunker. The thermal bleed from this would be enormous.



FOOOOOM!

The room shook! The machine roared! It was like being in a giant's sno-globe as he shook it frenziely while yelling into it! The ground thundered like an avalanche and a stampede, all at once. Flames shot out the sides of the globe as the very air caught fire. Small outcrops of rock softened and melted. And through it all that awful, awful thrumming sound.

HMMMMMMM!

Then, it became quiet once more. I eased myself frommy tiny monolithic shield and went to check a protected-but-scorched console.

Success!

The ball's cooling vents began piping steam, as it chilled the titanium sphere just enough for the hydraulics to function. The automatic systems kicked in, and the gigantic silver ball bearing just daintily settled down to floor level and opened like an alien flower.

Yes! Yes! I did it! MUHAHAHAHAA!

"Heheh," a shadow within the flower giggled back.
"Guh gug guh..."

certainly. i can even make it rain toads, if you like. you just might want to wear protective headgear, is all...

*the sky grows very, very ominously dark. thunder rumbles. a cold wind picks up and bites at exposed flesh. rain starts to fall in small, stinging droplets*

*draws herself a big black umbarella and sits under it, giggles and starts to draw frantically rocking a bit*

*Meanwhile, GL and Vomar have made their way almost to the summit.*

Think this is a good place, Vomar? Earthquake and volcanic eruption, wasn't it? Well, the earthquake shouldn't hurt anyone, and from here, the lava would flow down over there, where there are no dwellings. And Siun has ensured that we have the Wizard's attention, so they'll know we caused it.

*Lifts up his amulet and brings it close to Vomars. Begins chanting the spell that he learned from Vomars spell book.*

*Vomar joins in, trying to recite from memory due to the importance of theatrics in magic*


How long do you think this'll take?


*A rumbling begins*

Siun and Siun2: What the hemoraging Hildor is /that/? *look up*

it's the blue pixies come to get us *giggles*

I woke up. The ground was doing the texas two-step and my head felt like a leaky tin can stuffed full of styrofoam and applesauce. I groaned. This was a really, really, heavy head. I raise myself to sitting position.

As my head came up the room wobbled and tried to stay tilted and my head shattered into bright purple spangles and little jellylike gobs of tissue. At least that's what it felt. I dimly took in the couch, the living room.

Recrash. Yes, that was him. My alternate self had tranquilized me and forced me to go to beddy-bye land.

And it wasn't over yet. I more into I-Love-Lucidity than usual. The rush, the cosmic, insanely intense feeling of being half-cocked and unhinged off a rooster... excuse me, being completely pumped - I didn't feel it.

I helped myself to my feet. I stretched. Felt muscle after muscle as I assessed myself.

Crash was sure good with mixing medication... But my system was strong and I would be one hundred percent soon.

I let myself out the secret hideout and made for my Firebird, conveniently parked across the street. I brushed a stray piece of plaster of the hood and got in. Twisted the key.

Krhrhrhrhrhrhr...

No go.

"Come on, sweetie. Come on, please do it for me, baby," I pleaded, frantically fumbling with the key to get it started.

"Please, baby," I begged. Threatened. Enticed. "I promise I'll upgrade your tires to kevlar mesh and apply three coats of wax - I promise I'll never play alternative rock in the early mornings - c'mon."

KrhrhrrrRRRRR....

I kissed the steering. Caressed the dash. "Yes, that's it babe, that's it. Get those parts moving, get those cylinders running. C'mon, lubricate for me baby, lubricate for world peace, sugar.-'VRRR'- Yes, that's it, yes -'VRRR'- YES!- V!HURRRRRR!

The enormous engine started to life and roared. Flames burst out the twin exhaust tubes. It hummed. Growled. Purred like the lady it was. In a most satisfying way. The machine seemed to speak to me - 'Let's go'.

Crash. I would find Crash. On a subconscious level I could feel him, like a light at the farthest corner of my eye. Yes, I could find my brother.

"You got it," I said, and roared away.

----------


I shuffled out the sphere and into the light.
"Heeheehee... duh..."
It was covered in bandages. Dirty, yellow-and-brown stained old bandages, wrapped every which way on its haggard, tortured form. It swayed back-and-forth, side-to-side. Stared at me with one functional and uncovered eye, hugely dilated and rimmed with red jagged-lightning-veins. Its mouth a perpetual manic grin, the skin horribly stretched or burnt away. It drooled down both corners.

Wires everywhere. Wires and cables stuck out every which way on his body. Tubes snaked down his neck. He was wearing an enormous yellow-and-black striped metal backpack that was chained, stitched, and stapled to his torso.

A large red button was strapped to his chest; it read: "Danger! Do Not Press!"

"Guh guh..." It hobbled a little bit closer. Ratty tufts of hair stuck out the bandages on his head. His arms flopped by his sides, limp and unpowered, like a couple of dead fish nailed to his shoulders.

"Hello," I said. "Do you remember me?"
"eeeeeeee" It said, making the sound from deep in its throat. I shivered. he eye twitched randomly. A few fingers opened and closed rythmically on his left hand. Dirty long broken nails.

"Amazing," a voice behind me said. Pack. "This must be really serious for you to spring him out. Do you really mean to rip this city apart?"
I half-turned his way and give him a sideways look. "Of course. Hero time. But we do things OUR way. The three of us."

Pack leaned against one wall, arms folded across his chest. He cocked his head, like he was listening, or deciding something.
"The three of us." He said, finally.
"hEhEhEH" the other one said.

*Drops of water begin to splash around as the temperture continues to dip down* Excellent...

With the hail, rain and lightning we should be able to make it up the mountain unseen. If worse comes to worse we can just laydown cover fire and do rushes.

*The hairs on the back of Ice's neck standup for a moment as he feels the trickle of power leak across the spectrum. He looks around for a second before shaking it off and worring about the current situation*

*lightning hits a nearby tree, causing one of the branches to fall to the ground*

[sea] *mutters* sorry, guys.

*the wind whips around again, making sea take a steadying step forward as her cloak flaps around her. the rain continues to soak everyone, turning sea's hair to a dirty blonde color. her eyes are a vortex of green and white as she turns her face to the heavens*

*thunder rumbles again, shaking the ground*

*Lauri's hair is almost completley black from the rain and sticking to her face, the umbarella blown away. She sits and stares straight forward clinging to a piece of soggy paper and her eyes open and close very, very slowly. she suddenly looks incredibly tired and whatever was on the soggy piece of paper slowly starts turning real*

*Lauri's hair is almost completley black from the rain and sticking to her face, the umbarella blown away. She sits and stares straight forward clinging to a piece of soggy paper and her eyes open and close very, very slowly. she suddenly looks incredibly tired and whatever was on the soggy piece of paper slowly starts turning real*

Recrash, I swear by the shining hair of Numenor, if you don't move this "The Tales-Pack Style" thing to another thread I shall be extremely callous to you. Well more so. I' serious, move it, move it NOW. It's messing about with my continuity.