h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

" Morning Gwennie! Are we white today? Mine are black 'BOSS' today. Not the real designer, Thai rip offs, and I suppose that could be literal depending on the lady."

Good morning yersel' Sultandude!

Yes, white it is (I'm predictably boring on the undies front)!

Black doesn't show brown stains, does it dearest?

And as for ripping off pants, "ladies" shouldn't go around ripping the pants off men and besides, they shouldn't need to if indeed they ARE ladies!

" Brown stains? Not to mention accidents a la Thai tummy."

Is Thai tummy another term for "had to much to drink and my bowels are erupting like Mount Etna"?

My better half, John used to work on the fruit orchards during his back-packing years in Australia and had such an accident following a night of partying, due to being bounced about whilst driving a tractor! (Probably a very embarrassing situation when one doesn't wear underpants and is wearing a pair of cut down jeans!)

*writes in her notebook: Do NOT rip men's pants off of them...
even if it dosen't make sense...*

Yes, they may be packing more than one expects in the trouser department!

More what?!?

Why! Rolled up pairs of socks for one thing...

There was this time down the Red Cross shop, where I work as a volunteer and I was hanging a pair of men's trousers to go out and became aware that there was something in the pocket...

It turned out to be a cardboard tube that had been shoved into and wrapped around by a very large sock!

Well, it beats a padded bra any day! 8-D

Have you seen the new 'AIR BRAS'??? You pick the size you want to be! AAAAAH-HHA! Isn't that false(y) advertising?
What if someone in a crowded pub turned 'round with a lit smoke & you became deflated on one side?

Yes, I have seen them advertised although I've yet to encounter one "in the flesh" (So to speak!).

Hmmm! That scenario could prove rather interesting (and embarrassing) couldn't it? I wonder whether we could make a fast buck by marketing a make-up bag size puncture repair kit, especially for said air bras!

Er, wouldn't any type of plastic, etc. patch thingy work?

There's a new lazer 'bra' treatment, for those of us who have begun to point South It ONLY costs 10 thousand dollars!
*begins to dig in the sofa for change*

oh come on, Pandora, you can't be starting to droop yet!

Wha? Who me? Droop? Er, no...I'm looking for money to give Gwennie. *gwennie s over & gives Pan a swift kick in the shin* OUCH!!! *takes out her notepad & writes: remember to buy and wear 'shin pads'*

LOL! I've long since given up with my body! I may weigh about the same, but things have definitely relocated themselves (downwards). Oh the joys of having children and growing old!

Psst! Pan...Any donations to that "restructuring" will be most gratefully received and sorry about your shin!

That's okay Gwennie...everytime you kick me it takes the skin off all the way to the bone! Then when the skin grows back...I have no hair folicals there & thusly, I have less to shave/wax/pluck/etc.

LOL! I gave up plucking my eyebrows during my early 20's when I decided the natural look suited me far better. At that same time, I also gave up under-arm and leg shaving which used to gain a few comments from the occasional diplomatically-challenged and never-travelled-to-the-Continent (where many women don't shave under their arms) female that used to amuse me no end.

It's only when, in my 30's, I took part in a body-building physique display that I started shaving again and John then told me that he'd rather I kept it up (Or should I say "off?).

The things us females do for men, hey?

I, for one, don't care how much, or how little hair a woman has, as long as everything smells good.

*Wonders just WHERE Cloughie has picked up his...er, his, well,
erm, him GIRLfriends?!?*

My cousin Becky, who lives in Montana never shaves anything...I just don't understand. I have seen the "Eurpoean Look" and I must say, I think it leaves a bit to be desired. My hairdresser laughs at me because a few times a year I shave my arms. (I like to slather on the lotion & feel sliky) One day she pulled up her sleeves & showed me HER arms!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
This 'stuningly' beautiful woman has as much hair...actually MORE than Bear does!!!!! My arm hair is very light, & fine, but like to feel Smooooooooth...like a baby's behind. And I always smell good too. (me thinks this may have something to do with why everyone guesses my age WAY younger than I am.)

Here I am with flying cow under arm. too late as usual