h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's got to be fairly unnerving
and generally slightly perturbing
to go to brick lane
and see great aunty jane
in positions that are frankly disturbing

Okay, 5 lines...
the 2 first lines rhyme
with the fifth
filling the width
that sounds fine


Do I gots it?

Seven syllables each
sometimes hard to reach
but once it is done
it's time to have fun
it's time to start to teach

A theorist evaluating a weight,
Neglected what he should calculate.
He said: what the hell,
I do quite well,
When two is much larger than eight

There one was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed of eating his shoe,
he awoke with a fright,
in the middle of the night,
and found that his dream had come true!

There once was a hole in a mitten
A husband who'd learned he was smitten
and then he was blue
didn't know what he'd do
so he went out and bought hima kitten!!

This last one is ACTUALLY mine!

(Irish accent, important)

Oh! where has everyone gone
I've been here a'waiting since dawn
Donuts I've eaten a dozen
and still my bottoms a'frozen
My place will be here still for long!

Another one of mine!

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Ogden something was the previous...
I quite thought it'd be obvious
I was called a plagiarist
now, let's be realist
and let's not become obnoxious!

There was a young Canibal Ned
Who used to eat onions in bed
His mother said Sonny
It's not very funny
Why don't you eat people instead?



Bassman

Yes, well that's all very fine
But are they all truly thine
The rhymes in this thread
Must come from YOUR head
Be original to really shine

Feisor has grasped the nettle
Should you wish to show us your metal
Then 'tis needful I fear
to have an original idea
So I'm off to put on the kettle.

McKay if you're making a brew
I think that I should have one too
I like it quite strong
But don't leave it too long
I hate the way folk let it stew



Bassman

Bassman your idea is good
and I'd really join if I could
I've got groceries to do
and lawyers to sue
so I really don't think that I should!

I'm no longer Bassman you see
Had my Bass playing skills stripped from me
I think I should warn ya
'Bout that evil Pandora
And her evil spell which I must flee



Man

I've heard of Pandora before
Though'I'd love to learn a bit more
I heard she's coniving
and sometimes constriving
I have also heard she's sexy gallore

There's many a problem'n'my Nation
I'll probably just play Playstation
Put'em on th'backburner
become a bit sterner
and maybe I'll have some solution!

I notice her toe was a-twitching
I figured she needed a switching
So I picked up a stick
and just gave it a lick
she woke up a-cursing and bitching!

I noticed her toe was a-twitching
I figured she needed a switching
So I picked up a stick
and just gave it a lick
she woke up a-cursing and bi***ing!


Excuse the un-censored version, I didn't know!!

I heard that you had a rebuttal
Right now it's not sounding too subtle
so if you could say it
I'd sure LOVE to slay
and then, I'd be off with my shuttle