h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the members of King 2legs' court can see an oversized tawny owl flying in from a distance. He is wearing glasses and a stylish waistcoat which
allows sufficient room for his wings to operate properly. Around
his neck is a satchel. The strap has several silver date stamps
attached to it, which glint, reflecting beams of sunlight which give
the owl a glow.*

*the owl slowly spirals down and comes to a rest in a courtyard. He reaches into his satchel and pulls two letters out with his beak*

Greetings highness! I am David, the librarian owl and I come as an envoy for the diplomatic legation from Lil's Atelier. I have with me two letters of introduction, and I beg your indulgence in allowing me to read them.

*clears throat*

*the owl reads the first of his two letters*

Greetings to King 2Legs and his Court from Asteroid Lil and members of her Salon.

The Atelier is one of the oldest and most prestigious institutions on h2g2. As such we are always pleased to learn of new entities in HooTooLand.

It is our desire to establish diplomatic relations between your kingdom and the Atelier. We have a diplomatic delegation gathering at one of our residences, Castle Atelier, which is approximately 20 leagues outside the border of your kingdom. We request permission for this delegation to enter your kingdom in order to open negotiations and a guarantee of safe conduct.

Our intent is solely benevolent. We have selected gifts for you from all over the globe that we believe will be beneficial to you personally and will also help to secure the continued success of your kingdom.

The Atelier anticipates a long and peaceful relationship with your kingdom.

Respectfully,
Asteroid Lil, Hostess of the Atelier, Duchess of Munchkinstein, Sage of Continuity, Doyenne of Netiquette, Mother Superior of the Holy Order of St. Fuchsia

*the owl now reads the second of his letters*

To King 2Legs and his Court

Greetings:

Your majesty, the position of Grand Ambassador has been granted to me by Asteroid Lil. It will be my pleasant task to oversee the negotiations with you and your ministers to establish a mutually beneficial cooperative treaty between the Atelier and your kingdom.

I look forward to meeting you and to the opportunity to entertain you and your court in the renowned Atelier style at Castle Atelier.

I request that you present your papers of safe conduct to our envoy. When he returns them to us we will begin preparations to visit your kingdom.

Respectfully,
Grand Plenipotentiary of the Atelier

Pssst : don't ou know that king 2legs is running for president ?
And he's having a terrible which really makes his loyal subjects worried So I'm not relly sure you chose the right time to get our attention

Your majesty, I await your response, which I will carry back to the Grand Plenipotentiary of the Atelier.

*the owl bows respectfully and then waits patiently*

Psst, yes, we do know that 2Legs is running for President, but we believed that this long-planned diplomatic mission could continue anyway. But we didn't know about the terrible headache, for which 2legs has my sympathy.

Although I am his vezier, and should be allowed to act in place of him, I think this diplomatic mission is too important and should wait until our king feels well enough to answer himself.
So would you please give our regards to lil and ask her for patience

*bows*

Of course. I shall convey your message to the diplomatic party at Castle Atelier and return to await the King's recovery.

*flies away*

*after quite some time has elapsed , the librarian owl can be seen on the horizon once more, flying very, very slowly now. He lands with a grunt in the couryard*

My apologies, I'm not used to such a lot of flying in one day. I shall await his highness' return to full strength.

*the owl closes his eyes, which is slightly annoying, since one can never tell whether owls are awake or asleep*

*a large pink cadalac arrives outside to the accompanying sound of scretching breaks over the noise of the music from the In car Hi Fi* *the door opens, and a spandex clad 2legs emerges 'Thankjaverymuch'

I am feeling much better now thankyaverymuch for your concern, but a heavy night of drinking guinness, various real ales, Whisky cider and red wine, with accompanying chain smoking seems to have cleareed my headache Oooo I'll ahve to have a read of this diplomatic pappers, but I think at initial inspection all looks fine to establish close ties with you and your representatives Rgiht, I need to think and read these carefully *puts a CD on the Hi Bi (can't think without the music maan'

Ah, welcome again. Want a or a ? Maybe some with it while you're waiting ?
I'm sorry, I haven't seen my king the whole day, which is quite unusual,and makes me worried
But maybe he was only busy, so let's chat a bit while we're waiting ?

Awww 2legs How nice to see you
The were for our friend, the owl

a cuppatea would be very nice indeed, thankyaverymuch

There you are

Anything else your loyal vezier can do for you ?

I think that'l do nicely thankyaverymuch

Oh -ok then have a good night

Well, you could help campaigning for my party, the MRBP to help me get elected as pressident, so I can decliare myself 'offical' king of H2G2

< A5744946 >

Your highness. I am glad to see you well, and I am most grateful for the hospitality offered by your loyal subjects. The music is also excellent.

Thank you, Mr Traveller, for pointing out the position of Castle Atelier. It was remiss of me not to bring a map.

*looks around and wonders where the king has gone to*

You see, my character can have no idea that King 2Legs has cycled off to Castle Atelier and is drinking cocktails, and is thus concerned that he may have annoyed the king in some way