h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I never learn, I have tried everything...
The internet is now my medium; at least I'm meeting nice people...the truly disasterous dates are the ones through the "Lonely Hearts" columns....
The truly embarrasing, like the one who collected me in his car then almost instantly broke wind, and I was forced to open my window; another who took me to a beautiful country pub & told me there was a lovely cottage next door, and would I marry him & live there with him?
Yet another who immediately confessed he was married but needed a lot of sex and his wife had a low sex-drive; and would I be happy with an *arrangement*;
Yet another who told me I had a sexy voice, met me & said he couldn't believe his luck, dated me for a month {I was very happy by this time, and engaged} then my Building Society contacted me to ask for my signature on my house re-mortgage papers....Do WHAT???????? This was news to me...he had found out EVERYTHING about me, probably gone through my papers when I'd been asleep, I don't know, but he was eventually caught & served time in prison; 4 months of a 9-month sentence for fraud.
There are others.
Shall I go on?
Ok.
One more.
Another Lonely Heart. With 2 large dogs. And I had 3 little children.
We got on quite well until we tried to mix the two.
I took my kids to his house for the weekend, as he had stressed that his house was in better conditon than mine {and nearer his work} and if things were going to work out {I presume he meant the relationship}, it would be ~my~ house that would be sold {I know...}and we'd all live in HIS house....
Well the first night, one of the big dogs got rather excited with my older daughter {who was 8} and tried to do what dogs do to each other; well I tried to get the dog off her, luckil;y she wasn't frightened, she thought it was funny; but Mr.X {I refuse to name names too} physically dragged the dog off, then told me that the dog was only a puppy and didn't know what it was doing...and that if it ~ever happened again~ when he wasn't around, then I was to get a rolled-up newspaper and hit the dog with it.
Yea right.
You want more??????
I could write a book.
I should write a book.
Had YEARS of experience at the dating game but thankfully my sense of humour is still intact.

Crimeny! You also have someone doing time!

My goodness. You know, I've dated a lot of nice guys and a lot of losers, but no one that wanted to rob me.

Unbelievable.

You'd be surprised. Women expect the men they are dating to abide by certain basic rules of engagement, so they are easy victims when the rules are ignored.

So true
And I ~never~ learn....