h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I know, delicious aren't they

Mmm! Scrummy. Come to the Sushi Bar!

Where's my secretary? *whistles*

Oh yes nobody's applied yet. Don't blame them.

*bounces up and down throwing Jelly Tots at Peregrin*
Jelly! Jelly! Jelly!
I'll be secretary if it means I get to appoint myself as Jelly Minister...you'll get free fruit pastilles out of it

* runs around catching the jelly tots and eating them *

* runs around catching the jelly tots and eating them *

If I was jelly minister you wouldn't have to catch them they'd just be automatically delivered to anyone who wanted jelly

Mr President, I think this sounds like an excellent idea.

Of course it's a good idea.

*Passes round Fruit Pastilles*
I did try and say that

No harm in me saying it again, is there?

Not at all. Besides I think he's more likely to listen to you so maybe you should suggest it again
*passes over more Jelly Tots and Fruit Pastilles*

I'll be a secretary if you like...

I'll be Secretary of Ministries That Forgot to Appoint Secretaries...

Ooh more victi... er, volunteers! Great!

Right, Tinkerbell is now the Minister of Jelly, and Almighty Rob is Secretary of Ministries That Forgot to Appoint Secretaries. (He's in a class of his own at the moment, nobody else has thought of being a secretary!)

Yay! A secretary!!!

Since you're the only secretary we have at the moment, here's all the paperwork from all the ministery positions for you to go over.

*Several tonnes of triplicate paper land on the desk*


Croz (Minister of Infernal Office Affairs)

Yes and you'll also be required to... oh you're a male secretary aren't you. Never mind.

* bustles through. He has no paperwork - a Linux-powered laptop is in his briefcase (which is invisible and totally weightless) and a Linux-powered PDA in his breast pocket *

You'll be pleased to know that I do not require a secretary at the current time, so I will not be piling loads of typing onto you. At the Ministry of Wisdom, Linux & Toothbrushes, wisdom abounds so that everything can be done on a Linux-powered computer of some sort, all of which come with a stuffed toothbrush.

*See's all the paperwork and looks quietly relieved at the fact that no-one heard her offer to be secretary*

Yeah Told you he'd listen to you MaW, you can have my first official bribe of Jelly Tots for helping me out

*passes MaW a huge stack of Jelly Tots*
Oh and Rob if you're the secretary then I have a job for you...
*fetches out a huge cardboard box*
...I've been sent many new prototypes of jelly sweets and we need to test them to see which are the nicest...I hope you like jelly
*sits happily on the floor munching through different colours of jelly and completing highly scientific looking charts*

Ok I have some filing need doing, where is the secretary when you need her.

I have toupees, wigs and hair pieces all vitally important for the policy and decision making within my department can you acquire a cabinent suitable for their storage for me.

Demon Drawer (Minister for the Folically Challenged)

* accepts the jelly tots gratefully with a hug for Tinkerbell, but is careful not to crush the Linux-powered PDA in his breast pocket *

Thank you Tinkerbell. I can see you're getting into this business like you've been doing it for years. Here, with all that jelly you'll be endangering your teeth. Have a special Ministry of Wisdom, Linux & toothbrushes toothbrush which is so sophisticated that no toothpaste is required. However, it still provides all the benefits of brushing with a high-quality flouride toothpaste. Would you prefer the electric or manual version, and would you like a Wisdom, Linux or Toothbrushes design?

* holds out samples for inspection *