h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Telephone Sanitizer]


*Puts the Body Debit Card into her pocket, figuring it is a handy little thing to have.*

Do you have any telephones that need cleaning?

[Babel Fish]

Well it's alright for you Mr Vogon! At least you don't spend your life stuffed inside someone's earhole, continuously having to listen to their mindless wittering!

[Body Debit Card]

* transfers itself to freedom and considers sending the telephone cleaner back outside *

[Marvin]

I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. I've asked for them to be replaced, but did they listen? Did they hell. It makes you wonder what the universe is coming to. I severely doubt it will even reach the heat death stage - organic life forms will destroy it long before then with their incompetance and stupidity.

[Babel Fish]

Typical isn't it

[Marvin]

* glares at the Babel Fish for agreeing *

[Telephone Sanitizer]


*Is beginning to feel depressed herself as there are no telephones anywhere on board. Plus, someone seems to have picked her pocket. And her hair is a mess from being thrown out the airlock so often.*

Are there any hairdressers on board, by any chance? There were lots of them on the B ship.

[Vogon Guard's Aunt]
*Takes Babel fish out of ear, and frees it from its life of being shoved down an ear canal wading in ear wax all its life by throwing out an airlock*
Now, appearances are very important, my dear telephone cleaner. Before you do up your hair, I recommend that you buy yourself some more leather. Have you seen my nephew recently? Have you seen his leather? I mean, he's a good boy and goes round shouting and throwing people out of airlocks, and he has the machismo and the leather, but not enough girls yet...

Oh, and vacuum is very good for the hair. It gets rid of all the impurities that hair can pick up. Like oxygen.

[Babel Fish]

FREE AT LAST!!!

*Slowly suffocates due to lack of life giving neural energy...but quite like the vacuum anyway*

[Thor]

*wakes up from two week nap*

Did I miss anything?

* MaW greets jimmiejaz as a fellow lover of the Penguin *

[Marvin]

No, you didn't miss much. It was all depressing anyway.

Keep tux out of this, he was never in the guide

[Babel Fish]

Well I don't think so.... I've been having fun

[Thor]

Tux himself wasn't in the guide, but his flightless friends were.

[Babel Fish]

True, but a very loose conection


*Annoyed at still being outside in the vacuum....*

[Telephone Sanitizer]

*Waves at the Babel Fish through the window. She is standing trying to catch her own reflection in the glass, combing her fingers through her hair in an effort to make it lie straight.

She looks over her shoulder at the Vogon Guard in his leather outfit.*

Eucch! I don't think so, lady.

[Babel Fish]

*Finally gets bored of squirming in open space... and dies...*

Oh not again!

[enlisted Vogon guard]

*squares shoulders and sucks in rather beery gut*
*leers at telephone cleaner*

Don't you think when you look at me that resistance is futile?

[Thor]

*using his godly powers brings the babble fish back to life and back into the ship, puts the little sucker in his ear*

Now, please leave my friends alone, and would someone pass my a drink?

[Vogon Guard's Aunt]
*Hasn't understood a word anyone other than her nephew has said since she threw her bablefish out of the airlock*

[The Body Debit Card]

runs out of credit and becomes a boring slice of plastic

[Marvin]

* sighs heavily and falls flat on his face from utter boredom *

[Bable Fish]

Oh NO, Not again!

*Takes deep drink of Thors neural energy *