h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But that isn't changing the fundamental nature of Zero Gravity, merely introducing a period of non-zero gravity, which does not affect what zero gravity, in fact, is. Only by making Zero Gravity into something else, such as Minus Zero Gravity, would Zero Gravity be changed.

<BB<

I wonder if we should introduce the professor to our girls basketball teams - not to mention their cheerleaders?

Bloody hell!!

A zero-G bikini party and I find out about it when the bars just about to close!

shady one !!

* the penguin squawks in protest. There are no more fish *

*The Professor looks round at Pierce...*

What's this? A girls basketball team? and cheerleaders?
Why should you want to interest me in that, for Heaven's sake...

Aw c'mon mate! Do your magic thing with gravity!

* the penguin bites the Professor hard upon the upper left arm *

*Naturally, the Professor is protected by his body-hugging forceshield...*

Get off me you little whotsit!

*He swings his arm outwards, and the penguin flies off...*

Don't meddle directly with the greatest scientist of all time!

*The penguin flies straight through the room and ends up with its beak stuck in the dartboard*

There, that's more like it!

Now then Pierce, what's this you're saying about a multidude of girls?

* The penguin flaps its wings angrily, then performs a highly accurate bowel movement resulting in penguin dung flying directly at the Professor's face. The penguin would squawk in triumph, but it can't open its beak. Instead it flaps its wings some more. *

Hm, seems like that bird was built for basketball. "Dung-ing" with such acurracy while stuck to a dartboard? Impressive!

But don't you normally play basketball with a ball, not with penguin dung?

Not with a penguin-ball anyway...

*The Professor frowns. He's swam in swamps, got splattered by Morph goo all over himself, been digging in the murky dirt-snows of New Xanthos, but never has he ever had anything more revolting stuck to his face.*
*He slowly lifts a hand, and wipes it across his face, so he may see his Watch. He presses a few buttons, and the muck teleports off, particle by particle...*

Urgh! *...he suddenly shouts, as he regains some form of composure...*
That is disgusting!!

*He presses some more buttons, and the shield now covers his face, a bit thicker than usual.*
*No, the shield, not the face!*

* the penguin squawks once more, although it's a bit muffled because the penguin's beak is still stuck in the dartboard. With a titanic, effort the penguin frees himself and goes flying across the room, flapping his wings ineffectively *

*The Professor grins approvingly at the penguin's slightly squashed beak...*

* the penguin tries to straighten it *

* feels sorry for the flightless bird in zero gravity and throws a couple of herrings in it's general direction*

Look out for flying fish, professor - and be thankful that MaW didn't bring an ostrich

*The Professor runs over the prospects of MaW bringing in an ostrich in his head, and promptly contorts his face into a grimace...*

Oh dear...