h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*peeps out into the alley... DISAPPEARS *

*There comes a sound from the deepest shadows of the alley where only the toes of a pair of very large, very sinister looking shoes can be seen. If you squint you might see the form of a big ugly holding a very frail old lady in its claws. The sound comes again...*









urk!

...*the sound of foil being scrunched can be heard from beneath the couch...Pandora digs her nails into the front of the couch and sucks in her gut...* Ooof! Hey, was I asleep for very long? I barely feel rested. And who's the wise cracker who shoved me under that thing? ...*look around for Gwennie as this wreaks of her doing...*
...*tosses a kiss toward the fellas and steps into the alley for a morning...* HEY YOU GUYS!!!! GET OUT HERE!!! SOMEONE'S GONE AND DISTROYED THE ENTIRE ALLEY!
...*wonders how she could have slept through that...doesn't care...* 8-O ...and lookie there ---> It's mari-rae's cane!
Oh my oh my...this just won't do. Someone's taken Mari-rae
... oh but it looks like she put up quiet a battle! ...I need a weapon...*runs into the kitchen and grabs a rather large spoon...*
I'm gon' in. Gotta' save M-rae.
In case I'm stolen by a band of roaving gypsies or somethin'...well...ing come save me you lilly liverd...no, no. I'll save my energy for dealing with whatever's got M-rae

Wha'?















Oh yessss..the task at hand.

...*rubs the spoon quickly on the rug...as the friction heats it up...
Pan kicks open the door to the alley and dives headlong into the darkest corner...*

*wonders where in the alley he is*

...*sounds from the darkest corner of the alley are heard...*
Oooff...Ugh...Grrr...AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HAAAALP!!!! RRR!! Ugh

careful... that´s my nose...

Sorry old chap...*feels around until she's satisfied it's REALLY E. ...*smells the ==~~...* Yep, it IS YOU! E., feel around for mari-rae, will you? And by and by, what sort of weapon are you armed with?
...*feels safer with E. here although not sure why, doesn't care...*

Mari-rae! Mari-rae...ari-rae...ri-rae...rae...ae...ae..ae..ae...

I`ve got a goat somewhere... and my arms are in the right places...

Marie-rae?

Perhaps we should inform Kes about this situation... HE might have an for us, so we can keep and have "no worries"

Hey! Over here!

Watch what you are grabbing there, bub.

Pan? E??? ANYBODYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!









halp ....

*Wanders in to a vacant pub*

Hello? Who covered Pan's couch in foil?

*Notices the open door to the alley, wanders across the bar, peers outside and sighs as she sees the wrecked alley that is littered with shoes and even an old cane*

Harrumph! Vandals! Where ever one goes there are vandals...

*Tuts, closes the door and remembers that once again she has forgotten her spectacles and failed to turn on her hearing aid*

I think I'll just make a nice cup of fresh ...

Hey! There´s a light... what is is... it´s a pair of eyes!!! three of them

Three is NOT a pair E.! Honestly, I don't know where you come up with......*grabs E.'s arm VERY tightly...spoon at the ready...* SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED MY LEG!!!

Oooo...lookie there...two blue eyes and one green eye.
...*digs her nails into E.'s arm...whispers...*don't 'spose that goat of yours was one of them there cloned thingies, ya' know...with like, only one eye???

What IS that smell?

I´m definitly going to leave this alley... is this why you always go in here??? you must be a masochist... well, I guess Sultandude was better at coping with this situation than I am... and YOU ARE HURTING MY ARM PAN!!!

*Settles down with her and a good book, then wonders briefly where everyone is, especially Mari who has abandoned her knitting in a heap on the floor before sighing contentedly and opening her book*

Gee whiz E.! Fine. Whatever. ...*removes the pins from the wax E figure...mumbles something about men always taking the fun of out of things...can't live with um...no hunting season and a whole bunch of other stuff...*

...*...*MARI--RAAAAAAEE!
...*begins tapping out code on her skull...* here I am
where the are you I'm hungry* MARI-RAE!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CAREFUL PAN! ...... ......

What is this smellllllllllll...........

*Wriggles her fingers free of the 3-headed goat's grip enough to reach into her cardigan pocket. There she is happy to find the 3" long darning needle that she always keeps tucked away for knitting emergencies like dropped stitches. She holds the needle firmly in her hand and waits for her moment. Her plan is to plunge it into the one middle green eye of the goat , or into any other softer bits of him that might present themselves.

Meanwhile the 3 eyed goat thingy has begun snuffling and snorting and shaking his horned head around. Disgusting bits of snot go flying out from his nostrils. She notices an odor too..

*


Will this terrible ordeal never end???

Alas!

*Wanders in and takes a stool next to Gwennie*
"Any chance of a bottle of ?"

*Looks up from her book and turns up her hearing aid*

Oh hello Sultandude sweetness... What was that about a bottle of ? I think there's some in the cellar but that appears to be locked. I think there's another way in to the cellar via the alley if you'd like to try it...

*Queue spooky X-Files music*

*Sultandude wanders towards the alley door but hears commotion type noises issuing from the alley, hangs a U turn and decides to settle for a Heineken *

"Gwennie dear, What's going on in the alley?"