h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmm, the viola seems to be the most ridiculed of the stringed instruments and yet has managed to escape this page unscathed!

Do you know any viola jokes? I'm interested in finding some, as I have a friend who plays the viola.

<BB<

heh, I know a few.

heres three for one for a starter.

Q:Why is the viola bigger than a violin?







Answer one: They arent, the small heads creat an optical illusion.

Answer two: So they can hold more beer.

Answer two: They burn longer. (opt. Why? they hold more beer.)

heres another quick one.

A conductor and a violist are standing in a road. Who do you hit first?


The conductor, business before pleasure.


This starts the typical discussion.
A common violist reply would be, ". . . wouldnt the conductor be a violist in most cases?"

and so a violinist would pipe up, "great, two for one!!!"

Viola jokes:
[URL removed by moderator]

Short joke:

Q: What's the longest viola joke?








A: Harold in Italy.
---------------------------------------------
Longer joke:

A second-desk viola player was also an amateur conductor. One evening, when he arrived at work, the Stage Manager took him to one side, and explained that the conductor had suddenly been taken ill. Could he stand in? The viola player agreed, and conducted the programme for that evening. The conductor recovered that night.

Next night, the violist made his way on stage, to take his seat. The lead viola player asked: "...And where the hell were you last night?" ......

How can you tell when a viola player is playing out of tune?

The bow is moving.


What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a crushed viola in the road?

Skid marks before the Skunk.


And my own personal favourite - passed on to me by my viola teacher:

What's black and brown and looks good on a viola player?


A Rottweiler.

Only know one:
How many viola players does it take to paper a room?
One, if sliced thinly.
Adapted from the large compendium of Alto jokes