h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Enters room and leaves ribbon-tied scrolls with horoscopes*

*FC: Ask yourself whether you are really ready to be tied down.*

*Lord M.K*: A treasured Pet will adore you. *

*walks into room with a ribbon-tied horoscope, of which part of it is torn off*

*joint horoscope for Lord M.K* and FC: The planets are a bit ambiguous on this one. The long and short of it is, it's never too late to change your *

*leaves the horoscope and goes to the stables, the chocolate-coated piece of paper still in her hand*

* M.K enters the room feeling tired beyond belief... *

* He manages to look over Petunia's predictions which seem strangely brief ??? *

* He changes and gets into bed and grabs the framed photo of F.C... *

* He silently prays for the necessary strength when temptation comes wandering in, especially in school uniform... *

* He finally manages to fall asleep... *

Lord M.K*

*clatter of high-heels
M.K*? Are you asleep?

Er, Sir, I just wanted your opinion on my costume for the Fancy Dress Party! this weekend, do you think it's OK, or a little short?

Wha? What? Wassat? Who? Where?
It's me, sir, I'm a St. Trinian's schoolgirl.....
*GB twirls for M.K*, who, now almost fully awake.....feels his blood-pressure rising rapidly....

* M.K mumbles something about 'Hezher' in his sleep & something else about 'Masked Ball' & 'Friday'... *

* ...oh, then something about 'F.C' & 'whipped cream'... *

Good morning Pot - this is Kettle here.
How are the cracks in your beloved's photo frame coming along?
Developing nicely, one might say ...?

* M.K finally rises & then finally gets out of bed... *

* He stumbles across the carpet wondering why on Earth there appears to be girls school uniform kitted out on a suit of armour... *

* He grabs the fully intact photo frame... thankyou so very much !!! *

* ...although the picture seems a little bit faded... which is strange as its placed far away from any window *

* He exits in grabbing his dressing gown... *

Lord M.K*

*finally arrives at the guest house, enters the room and collapses in a heap tired from carrying her bags up the stairs...

*note to self: complain about there not being a maid to help with the bags *

*waits for Matt to arrive...

* M.K unprepared wanders into the bedroom and see's his beloved... *

WOO HOO !!!

* He tries to make the greeting seem a little less uncouth... *

WOO HOO !!!

* He had better quit whilst he's way behind... *

My Dear !!! My Beloved !!! My Future Wife !!!

It's been so hard since you haven't been here !!!

* He gathers his dressing gown around him to preserve his immodesty... *

Oh...Oh...I think I had better have some heartpills before there is another incident like last time...

* He just notices the suit of armour with a girls school uniform on it... *

Ah...Ah...The Guys !!!

Such Jokesters !!!

* He moves on to the bed swirling his finger on the red velvet... *

I know we haven't got a tennis court... but I don't suppose you fancy a game of mixed doubles...

Lord M.K*

*smiles as she sees her fiancee* *ignores the maids dress strewn on the floor, will bring it up later *

you got a horoscope done for us, how sweet of you... *runs her finger up his arm slowly, watching his hand as it hypnotically swirls the velvet*


shall I show you what I brought you back? Or have you got other plans for just now...

* M.K mouth goes dry with anticipation... *

* He croaks... *

Well I had plans, but I've funnily enough I've forgotten what they were !!!

* He takes a heartpill in anticipation... *

Lord M.K*

are you still taking those dreadful things? you know how i hate them so... still, the last thing i want is for you to go back to the hospital... maybe we should just go to sleep tonight if you dont feel up to it... especially after my long journey to get here...

*looks at him fondly*

* M.K swiftly moves to the window and throws the plastic bottle away... *

* He leaps like a slightly concussed panther onto the bed beside her, his eyes twinkling with desire... *

* Well, with the male equivalent which usually turns out looking like this... *

Lord M.K*

*admires the robe Matt is wearing, and cant help feeling pleased that he is wearing something so loose and comfortable and easliy removed*

just a minute you...

*gets up off the bed and disappears behind the screen with her bag. clothes are removed and thrown over the top for keeping. she emerges a few minutes later wearing a light blue kimono which makes her eyes look even more beautiful... she sits beside Matt, desperately trying not to laugh as his eyes almost pop out from their sockets... she runs a finger gently across his face*

*sneaks into the room with extreme stealth, wearing a completely black ensemble with cute black facemask, and immediately dives to the floor behind a divan*

Okay, nobody's seen me... time to pilfer the Lady's jewels whilst they're 'otherwise engaged'... Hehehehehe!

* M.K rushes out the door... *

Lord M.K*

obviously the viscount thinks its acceptable to take a ladies jewellery while she is still wearing it... the rest of it is hidden away. you'll need to find the right thread if you want it, and it is on h2g2 somewhere...



now... MATT!!!! *rushes out after him*

DRAT, BLAST and COBBLERS!!! Foiled again!!

*creeps back to his room dejectedly*

*wonders if he will persue the jewellery further*

* M.K returns clutching a can & sees the master cat burgler behind sticking out of the trunk... *

* He grabs him by the ear and leads him out the door saying... *

There are many amusements to entertain you here... one of them isn't my soon to be wife !!!

* He slams & locks the door behind him... *

* The last image Nexus sees is M.K closing the door clutching a number of kitchen utensils & a can... *

Lord M.K*