h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* This is Lord of the Manor's personal sleeping quarters, a thick black oak door bars your path with the words 'Private'... *

* M.K enters his private chamber and stares at a picture of F.C and smiles... *

Who's F.C.? You really meant K.C. and The Sunshine Band.

* M.K gets all defensive about someone intruding on a private moment... *

It's my beloved of course !!!

BTW How is it you wandered all the way past the reception desk unnoticed !!!

...and can I help you ?

M.K*

* M.K finally stumbles into his chambers after a hectic day... *

* He ponders why the Lord of the Manor's always got to do the donkey work of carrying all the bags... *

* He finally slips between the sheets, he takes one last look at the photo of F.C... *

* ...and drifts off to sleep, smiling about G.B's bloomers... *

Lord M.K*

*pokes head round the door* Oh I am sorry I was looking for the stables!

* M.K wakes up from being fast asleep... well nearly *

Just outside to your right...

You might have to go back in threads...

* He grimaces as he closes the door & locks it... *

* Now where were we... ah yes Bloomers !!! *

Lord M.K*

*knock
*knock
It's the french maid, sir, with fresh towels.
Sir?
*knock
*knock
*opens door with skeleton key
Inside the dark room, GB can't find the light switch {first day on the job, see?}
GB stumbles around in the dark, groping as she goes....
*stumble
*stumble
*grope
*grope
*stumble
*grope
*grab
"AAAAAAGH!"
Oh, dear, now what have I done? Er, french maid service here, er, are you alright, er...wha...what IS that?

* M.K rouses and stumbles in the dark... tries to grab for something solid... *

Oooww !!!

* ...perhaps not them... *

Sorry !!!

* Stumbles over some furnisher falling into someone's arms... *

* Finally finds the light switch... *

Oh !!! Dreadfully sorry G.B !!!

I'm sorry I grab....hmmm, well you know...

Could you do these rooms in the morning... I am rather tired...

Lord M.K*

That's alright, sir, I mean your Lordship, sir!
I be off now, then....er, what happened to my skeleton key? Oh, I can't have lost that! Oh, I need it to let myself into all the guest's rooms, even when they have "Do Not Disturb" signs on the doors {especially those rooms!}.
*GB drops to her knees and starts groping
{around for the key}
*M.K* gets on the floor with GB & starts groping with her
{for the key}

NB. That is the story we are going to give FC when she arrives and we are sticking to it

LOL!!!

Lord M.K*

~pauses outside the door and smiles to herself~

GB's a fast worker, and she always heads straight for the top man.

~walks past for fear of what she might hear~

* M.K finally awakes after a pleasant dream about a French Maid chasing him around 'Benny Hill' style with a French loaf... *

* He leans over and admires the photo of F.C & rises... *

Lord M.K*

*The glass in the photo frame starts to crack at the corners ...*

that morning wood can be sooooo painful, can't it M.K*?

* M.K looks innocent... but looks can be deceiving *

* M.K thinks of what Peaceful Earthling will think of Kes's activities since arriving... *

Lord M.K*

Hi there, Pot - Greetings from Kettle. I reckon I'm probably done for already, that's what I reckon

One can only assume a swift divorce will be in the works

*Or something else in the mangle, depending on local custom. What if i bribe someone to cut her local 'phone line?*

*ROFL