h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And she pours herself another cup of coffee

as she contemplates the stain across the wall ...

Vanity is not one of my sins, Jab

I'm the man on the mountain, come on up.
I'm the plowman in the valley with a face full of mud.
Yes, I'm fumbling and I know my car don't start.
Yes, I'm stumbling and I know I play a bad guitar.

Give me little drink from your loving cup.
Just one drink and I'll fall down drunk.

You don't miss your water 'til the well runs dry
But I believe so strongly in you and I
Can somebody answer me the question why
You don't miss your water til the well runs dry

I never thought it was, really, Chips

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I'll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pain is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.

Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero
I'm holding out for at hero 'till the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I have seen Mr. Apollo
Uproot trees with his bare hands
I have seen Mr. Apollo's
Body building plans


Five years ago, I was a four stone apology
Today, I am two separate gorillas
No tiresome exercises, no tricks,
no unpleasant bending, Wrestle poodles and win!
Play beach ball! Shave your legs! Lope over walls!
Tease people! Brush them aside as though they were matchsticks!
Impress your friends!

I’m the urban spaceman, baby; I’ve got speed
I’ve got everything I need
I’m the urban spaceman, baby; I can fly
I’m a supersonic guy

I don’t need pleasure
I don’t feel pain
If you were to knock me down I’d just get up again
I’m the urban spaceman, baby; I’m makin’ out
I’m all about

In the canyons of your mind
I will wander through your brain,
To the ventricles of your heart my dear,
I'm in love with you again.

'Cross the mountains of your chest,
I will stick a Union Jack,
To the forest of your cheek,
Through the holes in your string vest.

My darling, in my cardboard coloured dreams,
Once again I hear your laugh,
And I kiss, yes I kiss your perfumed hair,(but she's not there)
Sweet essence of giraffe.

And each time I hear your name, (frying pan, frying pan)
My my my oh how it hurts, (he's in pain)
In the wardrobe of my soul,
In the section labelled shirts.

You do something to me
Something that simply mystifies me
Tell me, why should it be,
You have the power to hypnotize me?

Let me live 'neath your spell
Do do that voodoo that you do so well
For you do something to me
That nobody else could do

That old black magic has me in its spell,
That old black magic that you weave so well.
Those icy fingers up and down my spine,
That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine.
The same old tingle that I feel inside,
And then that elevator starts its ride,
And down and down I go, round and round I go,
Like a leaf that's caught in the tide.
I should stay away,
but what can I do?
I hear your name and I'm aflame,
Aflame with such a burning desire that only your kiss can put out the fire.
For you're the lover I have waited for,
the mate that fate had me created for.
And every time your lips meet mine, darling,
Down and down I go, round and round I go,
In a spin, loving the spin I'm in,
Under that old black magic called love.

Got a black magic woman,
I got a black magic woman
I got a black magic woman got me so blind I can't see
I got a black magic woman
She's try'in to make a devil out of me

If ever the devil was born without a pair of horns
It was you, Jezebel, it was you
If ever an angel fell, Jezebel, it was you
Jezebel, it was you

If ever a pair of eyes promised paradise
Deceiving me, grieving me, leavin' me blue
Jezebel, it was you

Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste,
Been around for a long long while, so many a man has sold his fate,
I was 'round when Jesus Christ had his moments of doubt and pain,
Made damn sure that Pilate, washed his hands, and sealed his fate.
Pleased to meet you, won't you guess my name?
Just what's puzzling you is the nature of my game.

I don't want you
But I hate to lose you
You've got me in between
The Devil and the deep blue sea

I forgive you
'Cause I can't forget you
You've got me in between
The Devil and the deep blue sea

I oughta cross you off my list
But when you come knockin' at my door
Fate seems to give my heart a twist
And I come running back for more

I should hate you
But I guess I love you
You've got me in between
The Devil and the deep blue sea

You ain't been blue; no, no, no.
You ain't been blue,
Till you've had that mood indigo.
That feelin' goes stealin' down to my shoes
While I sit and sigh, "Go 'long blues".

Always get that mood indigo,
Since my baby said goodbye.
In the evenin' when lights are low,
I'm so lonesome I could cry.

'Cause there's nobody who cares about me,
I'm just a soul who's
bluer than blue can be.
When I get that mood indigo,
I could lay me down and die.

It’s been a blue blue day, I feel like running away
I feel like running away from it all
My love has been untrue, she’s found somebody new
It’s been a blue blue day for me
I feel like crying, dying, what can I do
I feel like playing, saying I’m glad we’re through
It’s been a blue blue day, I feel like running away
I feel like running away from the blues

Blue skies,shining at me
Nothing but blue skies do i see
Blue birds singin'a song
Ther's nothing but blue birds all day long

That certain night, the night we met,
There was magic abroad in the air.
There were angels dining at the Ritz,
And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square.

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.
Oh but you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.