h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Would you like some gravy on your chocolate cake?

Knitting teapots is easy. Sewing the pieces together is tricky.

Yes, there he is, I cried across a crowded room

Jack took an axe to the base of the beanstalk. Soon it began to sway, and then it fell to Earth with a sickening thud and lots of foul-smelling gas .

Here endeth the first lesson or is it the second?

I need to sew a hook fastener to a cape, but the hook stops it lying flat and the thickness of the edge of the cape makes it hard to sew the fastener so that the hooks hang over the edge.

Boring meetings are very funny.

This is the forest primeval. The murmuring pines and the hemlocks, bearded with moss, and in garments green, indistinct in the twilight, stand like Druids of eld, sad and prophetic.

Tadaaaahh!

Uncle Stan is hopping mad about not being able to stop hopping up on one leg. It is a strange ritual he has started ever since he started to play hopscotch in his back yard.

Fancy a scotch old boy? Asked the colonel, with a roguish glint in his eye.

Most urgent work turns up just before holidays.

When all is s aid and done, more is said than done.

Is that you Fred? No! Then who is it? Why ask me, do I look like I know who I am?

I heard the rustling of banana leaves in the undergrowth and realized, with horror, that the DFI (Dangerous fruits International) had come out of hiding for one of their triennial conventions. Vines full of ripe Fox Grapes were slithering across a grassy knoll, and the "honk! honk! honk!" of gooseberry bushes rang out from the Sycamores along the river. I picked up my cellphone and called Hazel's Bakery on their 24-hour emergency line.

"Hello, Hazel? This is the chance of a lifetime. Send your pastry chefs here quickly with baskets. The dangerous fruits are gathering around the Old Stone Face at the edge of the Ed Sullivan Forest."

The five minute diesel electric miniature train ride was actually more enjoyable than the one hour steam train ride.

Help! My post has been lost, cried the man whose post had been lost.
Can I help asked the mailman?
No, it's a six foot post I have lost, not a letter!
Letter? Which letter?
The letter of the law.
No wonder you don't want it back!
I don't want its front either!