h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello, sorry I'm late, I had an unforseen and unexpectedly urgent meeting with the bonnet of a car. I've only just remembered who I am. Sorry about missing my appointment, when are you next free? (if you're not too annoyed at me)

*Hangs head disappointedly and shuffles away

No wonder you allowed three hours

~sticks head around the door~

I just popped in from my place to let you know that something really important came up and Galaxy Babe had to rush off. She asked me to apologise and to give you all one of these as gesture of goodwill

~hands out vouchers for free treatment~

I'm sure if you drop by later she'll be here.

~leaves~

*makes off with a free voucher, even though he missed his appointment himself*

*flutters in, somewhat dishevelled
Right, I'm here now!
*reads messages
*makes a mental note to supply Mina with a book of free vouchers
I'm available now, anybody!

How about 2:30?

btw did you see the tornado yesterday?

I would have been able to see it, if the sky hadn't been navy blue & I had my son off school, so I decided to wait till the afternoon, before going out! So, I only got to see it in all its glory on the front page of my local newspaper...what a sight. A hundred footer, right on our doorstep. You must have got the thunderstorms we got too, we had 3 in a 24-hour period.
Oh, well, enough of RL.
Back to h2g2land.
If you'd like to go behind the screens, remove your clothes, hop onto the massage table and relax, while I mix your oils...

Mix my oils? Are you massaging me or painting me?

I've just seen your photo - if you don't mind me asking, what were you doing when it was taken? Lying on the floor and - ermmm - holding the camera?

Sorry - got all excited.

*removes clothes and lies on table

*GB smiles as she remembers she *forgot* to warm her hands first...

*Shellers winces as he realises GB hasn't warmed her hands

Just be careful with those, will you?

I'm very tense - it's sitting hunched over a hot PC all day

GB smiles as she rubs her hands with glee, sorry, scented oils.
Placing her hands on Shellers' shoulders, she begins to massage the tension out of him.
Soon he is asleep, with the pleasant sensations coursing through his body.
He dreams he is on a faraway desert island, where the executive producer of a Survival programme is about to stand trial by kangaroo court for unspeakable crimes, oh, well, he pinched the prize money.
He wakes, to find a beautiful Angel standing over his naked body, rubbing him all over with sweet-smelling oils.
He thinks he died and went to Heaven

Damn right he does!

Oh GB that feels wonderful

I can feel the tension draining away

GB whispers: Soon, you'll feel like you're in Paradise, Shellers....relax, enjoy the feeling of floating....you have no worries....until you see the size of my bill, that is, ahem! Oh, I forgot, you have a free voucher, right, you have no worries then!
You have no worries....drift away while I carry on massaging you....

Oh this is wonderfully soothing - I can feel myself just drifting away (or I could until you mentioned the bill)! Just keep working on the tension in my shoulders (please).

btw where do you get those fish n chip scented joss sticks?

Of course I'll keep massaging your shoulders....I got those fish & chip joss sticks because I knew that, coming from Scunthorpe, you'd appreciate a nice smell....

Did I drop off? It feels like I've been lying here for hours...

I'm still here....well partially, at any rate.
I'm so lucky, with my Angel wings I can flit between different threads so fast!
Now, turn over please, I have to massage your front, now.
btw, you have a great bum.

Sorry, my hearings not what it used to be - was that 'have' or 'are'?

Oh that's wonderful

Glad to see you are enjoying yourself, Shellers,
I hope you'll tell all your friends about me? I mean my Shoppe?