h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd like to book an aromatherapy maassage if I may. I've heard that they are a speciality of yours, and I really need to chill. Just let me know when it will be convienient, and I will drop back. Thanks.

Hello Mina,
Is tonight OK with you? About 7pm? I'll book you in, anyway.

Yep, that's ok, I'll see you at 7 then.

Sorry, I'm late.

Oh, you are too.

Hello! Sorry I'm a little late, I hope you had a wander round my Butterfly Garden? Helped youself to tea & strawberry scones, which I left out?
Good.....
Now, if you'd like to go behind the screen, take off your clothes, lay on the massage table and I'll be there when you're ready. OK?
*puts on whale music cd
*lowers the lighting
*selects aromatic oils & starts mixing

Ok, I'm here, naked on the table, feeling slightly vunerable...

Silly, no need to be!
Relax, listen to the music, close your eyes, drift away.
Let my fingers ease your tension and the oils revitalize you.....
Isn't that nice?

mmmmmm, that feels really good, well worth the wait...

Wonderful, I knew you'd love it. I hope you'll become a regular customer? These special oils can be used to treat a variety of ailments, much better for you than popping pills, and so much more pleasureable!
Your skin is so soft, I can feel all the tension dissolving away...
As soon as I have finished, you can get dressed, and we'll go to my kitchen where I've laid out a buffet.
Turn over, please, Mina.
Careful! Don't roll off the couch!
*repositions towel
Now I'll massage your feet, ankles and shins.
Are you thinking nice thoughts, Mina?

ohh yes, I am thinking lovely thoughts. This massage is just what I need after the week I have had.
Really, you are very good with your hands.

Why, thank you! Just finishing your thighs, now. Moving the towel up a little, so I can attend to your bottom! My, you have the most perfect rear I have ever seen! Really, you should enter that competition, "Rear of the Year!" I'm sure you'd win! I bet you look fantastic in jeans, or a mini-skirt!
*replaces towel.
Now your upper back....making little circles either side of your spine, do you feel that tingling, Mina?

That does make me feel so good, sort of mellow and warm, and lazy all at the same time.

Do you really think I could win rear of the year? I do like to wear things to show it off. My thong bikini is my favorite beachwear.
I really like my shoulders massaged, but careful, that the most sensitive of my erogenous zones.

Just getting there now, Mina....don't worry, I am always gentle! You should leave here feeling totally satisfied....
*starts to massage Mina's shoulders gently
*applies more warmed oil

Thanks babe.
That feels sooooo good. I like to feel satisfied. How far do you go?
~looks confused~

I mean how far do you...?
~breaks off~
wow, you have marvellous hands, oooh, do that again.....

Mina, I'll do this as long as you want me to....just tell me when you've had enough!
You have lovely shoulders, such a perfect skin, no blemishes, no imperfections....
*moves to a slender arm
Now, I am going to work down one arm, right down to your wrist, paying extra attention to your hands....oh, what beautiful, delicate hands, Mina! You really do take care of yourself, don't you? Do you use a body lotion, after you bathe?
*massaging fingers
There, that arm is finished
*moves round couch
Starting your other shoulder now, Mina.
Or would you like your shoulders doing again?

~melts into the table~

please, babe, please, do my shoulders again.
I'll recommend you to everyone I know.
You have such nimble fingers, so relaxing and yet, strangely stimulating.

GB smiles to herself
Thinks: I could massage her shoulders all night, and I still wouldn't tire.
*starts massaging Mina's upper back again, slowly, gracefully moving up to her shoulders.
*pours a few more drops of oil straight onto Mina's back.
*scoops it up, delighting in the sensuous feel of the oil, looking at how it changes Mina's skin from soft to glistening....
*moves up to Mina's neck, paying particular attention to the nape, back down again to her shoulders....
GB wonders who else will visit her Beauty Shoppe, who else she can make so blissfully happy, just touching them....?

I'll make sure everyone knows tomorrow babe, right now I am feeling very odd. My legs won't work, and I need to sleep now, thanks and good night.

Sleep, Mina, I will massage the feelings back....
Sleep well, sweet dreams....

Y'know, I'm imagining one half of the h2g2 population's reaction to this place