h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The Royal Armoury is the place where the weapons of the armies of Restite are researched, designed, made, stored and maintaned. There are rack upon racks of swords, pike, maces and other weapons of various eras. The weapons used for direction in the castle are rotated with stock from the armoury so all weapons are sharp, effective tools in any skilled hand.
The weapons captured from agressors are also stored here so you will find research into the weapons that are used against us as well as those of subdueing the enemy. Improvements are always being made and new components added to old techniques. The shear variety of weapons, armour and other tools for protection of Restite in this room are infinate.
There are many people working in this places, doing all sorts of work from sharpening swords to testing new weapons. This is all overseen by the chief armourer, a man in late middle age with very little humour for the damage that battle causes to the tools handed to the protectors of Restite.*

*Sir Big Steve and the Lady Lil walk into the Armoury. The are immediatly stopped by the Chief Armourer.*

Sir Knight, why have you brought this Restite to my weapons lab.

Because, Chief, she's the king's consort and needs some armour and a sharp weapon. She also needs to know why with stick with swords and armour instead of other methods of defense.

Ok, Steve, You know whats down here and what we don't like people seeing. On your head be it.

Ok, Chief, I think a tour would be appreciated. Oh and can you have someone look at these swords while we're here. They might need a little touch of magic.

*Lil's eyes are drawn to the shining armour and swords hanging from the ceiling.. walls.. standing on the floor.. EVERYWHERE!*

*She is turning round, not listening to the conversation.. just fascinated with the glistening objects before her*


*She feels Steve take her hand and begin to draw her further into the premises*

*The Chief Armourer leads Steve and Lil into the shelves of the armoury. They walk past all shapes and sizes of armour and weapons. The Chief Armourer stops by an apprentice at a forge. He takes Steve and Lil's sword and has a look at them.*

Steve, you've managed to notch this big old thing again, you need it's hard steel to work, especially for the way you like your sword made.
My Lady. I see you took one of the swords from the Throne Room. Small, light, a nice little stabby utility weapon but not really very suitable for a fine Lady like yourself. I'll get one of the boys to get you something more useful while your here. We'll be able to knock some nice discrete protection up while your here as well.

*Lils eyes are gleaming with excitement*

Thank you.... actually I to.. I mean borrowed it from the walk in the Kings sitting room.. *grins*


*continues to turn about looking,taking everything in.. *


this is so fascinating, I never knew it was here! </>

*Steve turns to Lil*

We keep it out of the way for a reason. You wouldn't want all this falling into the wrong hands. Especially the research that goes on down here. Most of the soliders only know where the front door is. He might not look it but the Chief's one of the reasons we are so well defended. If pressed they can really turn out whats needed.
The knights get specially designed and fitted armour, using the latest materials, What I wear is a mix of kevlar,leather,glass fibre and steel, You couldn't even get a mace through it. It's fitted, tailoured and I don't even feel it. Thats how good these guys are. I'll be interested to see what they come up with for you.

You mean.. you want me to have proper "fighting" stuff?

.. I thought we were just going to find something a little more substantial than a shirt..

..Ooh.. now that could be fun.. to be free, yet safe to spar properly!


*She watches one of the men working at some leather*

Your the soon to be queen, you've been in battle and you can best most of the swordspeople in Restite. Of course you should have your own proper armour.

* While the knight and Lady talk the Armourer hands the swords to the apprentice and says a few words. The apprentice nods and rushs off.
Steve looks up and sees that the Chief has wandered off down another row towards the special projects department.*

I suppose we better catch him up, He's going towards the really interesting stuff.

....err. yes.. *holds his hand*

... everything is so big in here.. ..

*Steve and Lil walk quickly to catch up to the ambleing Chief Armourer. He slowly walks, talking and pointing on the way.*

......and this is something we captured from giant wolves, we think it was a way for them to carry things, oh, and this is a Klatchian Fire Engine, very dangerous in the wrong hands, quite capable of singeing a few eyebrows. And now we come to the bones of the operation, the Weapons Reseach Lab.

*Steve and Lil follow the Chief Armourer into a large space in the shelves. They see many boys running round a lot like the apprentice who took their swords. Mostly they stand in groups of two's and three's, banging at anvils, pressing buttons, observing explosions and decapitating dummies. There are cars, boats and other transport being worked on, with one or two flying pigs being fitted with various harness and other devices.*

You might want to see this Steve.
*In his hand the Chief holds a small roll of tape.*
What's this do Chief?

That is very strong medical tape. It'll stick skin and bone back together the next time you cut a peice off yourself.

That might be useful Chief *puts it in his pocket* Have you got anything for Lil?

*Lil lets go of Steve hand and wanders through, looking .. touching.. polishing with her sleeve, smudges on the shining armour*

*Steve watchs Lil drift away around the lab, looking at the special weapons and oddities that have been developed. He remembers using the folded-up wing stored in the roof on a mission deep in another country. Sees the spring-loaded blades and the exploding balls sitting on shelves waiting for use.*

Well Steve, for the Lady we'll have to put together some tailoured armour, I've got a boy on it now. We've made armour for women before but it tends to need more work to fit the shape. We are going to get Lil a slightly longer thiner sword, it'll help her technique and it's better for keeping enemies further away. We'll also put a few tricks,bits and bobs into the hilt and in the gauntlets for that competative advantage, you know, grapple hooks, harnesses, throwing stars, the usual part-time ninja set.

*Steve nods absent-mindedly while watching Lil.*

We've been fitting out the King's car while he's been away as well. The doors and floorpan have been toughened enough to take a grenade blast, You couldn't put a mace through the glass and it's been kitted with a few little suprises should the King fancy getting agresive.
We've also got the new Mark 4 Knight's saddle. It's got the hidden cross-bow, better padding for rider and horse and the foldable lance. Its also got self-adjusting straps for easy mounting and a wireless connection for horse-top computers. Oh and this is a new feature. The saddle can now be used to attach a flying pig to a horse so we can fly knights into the centre of the battle. We're training up the big huey pigs to use these.


That's great Chief, My horse is in the stables if you want to fit the saddle. Oh shit. LIL. DON'T TOUCH THAT.

*snatches her hand back*

What??...


*Looks like she has been caught with her hand in the sweet jar.. and blushes very deeply*


What is it Steve? *moves back a pace*

*Steve moves Lil away from the object she was about to touch. The Chief comes across carrying a long pole. He prods the pad where Lil just had her hand and the object snaps shut cutting through the pole.*

This is why we don't like people walking around prodding things.

*Looks at the nasty sharp teeth on the device and slips her hand into Steve's for security*


*Looks up at the Chief*... I am very sorry, I won't touch anything again, I promise..


*Lil somehow manages to hide herself behind Steve*

It's alright we just use it as a demonstration tool. It tends to stop prying fingers.
My Lady, If you will step this way we will need to take some mesurements for your armour and then we shall let you have a feel for the sword we picked out for you.

*Lets go of Steve's hand and follows The Chief through to the measuring area*


*She stands with her arms held out to her sides and the tape measure flies round her body*


*Lil is still fascinated by the Banners and Swords hanging from the ceiling above her*

I see you've noticed the banners. Those are from way back. Each Knight has his own coat of arms, some come down from families or are past from knight to page. Steve's banner, The arms of the Big Knights is up there, as well as that of the King and the houses of Black Leopard and Dark Wolf. We store them here along with all the other trappings of war.

*is awestruck and the vision*

...I never realised how colour they are. They are very beautiful.

*She is turned round and round at the measurements are take over what appears to be every inch of her body*


... Whoa!! What is that??

*points something that looks like a lance, but with a claw in the end*