h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I absolutely refuse to believe in time.
How can five minutes with really mean Grandmother (seems like a month and a half) and five minutes love making (seems like a nanosecond) be the same thing?
Also - everyone has enough time - it's endless so how can we run out of something that is endless.
So I refuse to play. I haven't worn a watch for ten years.

Y'see, sometimes you need to know what time it is considered to be even if you don't believe in it (for work, getting to the shops before they close, etc).

Just like Santa Claus...

Um, yeah, similar.

Na, it's exactly the same.
An invisible thing that changes the state of mind of people who beileve but makes little difference to those who don't.

I'm never late for work because I know how Santa Claus works.

Ah, once a year?

But he works very very hard when he is working.

Is that how you think Santa works?
He only delivers once a year...

I had an aunt like that once...






Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Isaac!

Did she have a long white beard and cheerful disposition?

She was married five years and had five children at the time her husband decided not to come back from a cross-country moving company delivery.

She had a bit of a mustache when I knew her, but that didn't stop her from being an effective Avon lady.

I suppose they would have bought anything to get her off their doorsteps....

Oh my.

Nothing worse than female facial hair. I hope I'm never afflicted.

Male facial hair is also not always recommended.

Gerry Adams has a beard.

At least when people point and laugh at men, the men think it's socially acceptable and that they are ruddy legends.

No, we're just laughing at them cos they look silly.

Warning: What follows is sarcasm:

I'd ruch mather see a hirsute female who is taking care of herself than a painted stick with every hair in place, excepting the one's she's had nuked out of existence.

Males and females are born to grow hair.
It is only fashion that suggests that what we do naturally is out of line with usefulness.

And never mind that the razor and cosmetics industries would much rather have you dissatisfied with yourself than willing to accept what your deity and your genes have given you.

However silly beards might look on men, it is an easy task in most cases to grow one (you rarely hear of the 'Beard Club for Men'). If you are an ugly sort, then you can at least be a camouflaged ugly sort. Females, on the other hand, are often stuck with a layer of chemicals on their faces, trying to make grotesquery glamourous.
A good honest face on a good honest woman beats a supermodel any day.
Besides, when you attempt to airbrush your face, it's hard to make sure that all the people who look at you have petroleum jelly in their eyes....

Warning: That was sarcasm!

I'll bet that even if you do date the natural girl you look at the Barbie doll first.

hear, hear

I have a tendency toward slightly round women of a sturdy stature.
They have more food in their cupboards and they have fewer of the angley bits that poke you unimportunely.
If I can see bones, then I'd much rather be looking at a fine bit of well-done panelling on a wall than a living doll.