h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

1) Be very clear that you no longer want to be in a relationship with the other person.

2) Do not even consider for a moment letting this person in again.

3) cut them off - don't let them have access to you (no questions - until they are over you they will just be pestering you to get back together anyway, so avoid this by avoiding them)

4) don't date insane people to begin with.

People get into trouble with stalkers because they don't realize that the other person has a problem until it is too late. You cannot reason with a stalker and you may not know that the person has those tendencies right away, so, just assume they do and be clear on your intentions. Don't break it to them nicely. Just be blunt. "I don't want to be in a relationship with you." Then, don't negotiate. A sane person will understand this. Heck, a sane person will understand hints. Insane people won't understand either so you need to be really really clear. If you try to be nice to someone who turns out to have stalker tendencies, you will regret it. They tend to interpret things like "I just need to be alone right now," to mean "I will be available to you later." So, don't give them an opening.

Then walk your talk. If you tell them it is over, act as if it is over. That means they are no longer your friend and you can't call them up for sympathy and support when things go wrong, or when you miss them. It is not fair to them or to yourself, so don't do it, no matter how tempting it is. If you still want them in your life, don't break up with them, it is that simple.

Lastly, as far as dating is concerned, develop a no tolerance policy for insane people. Don't justify the other person's problems by thinking that everyone has problems. The answer is that not everyone has problems and that you can do better. I have found that every guy I have dated has told me up front what is wrong with them. They usually tell you everything on the first date. Pay attention, and if they tell you that they don't like members of their family, or that they spent some time in prison for killing someone, pay attention and don't go on a 2nd date. Don't kid yourself by thinking that they are deep and that they must be over those problems to even talk about them, the truth is that they aren't over them, that is why they are talking about it. Don't stay with luny's. Run away as fast as possible.

It took me 6 months to realize that I was being stalked by my ex - now - 3 yrs later, I am still being harrassed. Don't let this happen to you.

Sumogirl, 3 years? It sounds like you have really taken a beating from this madman. Is there nothing you can do, legally, to get him to keep away from you?

Just noticed the date.

Nothing gets past me.

KWD

Conversations on h2g2 never die. They mererely slumber.

TRiG.

"or that they spent some time in prison for killing someone, "
that line 'kills' me. It's always been a deal breaker for me.