h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was once dumped by a guy called Andy Russell. You out there Andy? The very worst thing about being dumped by him was not that he didn't want to go out with me anymore - he was a bit boring anyway - but that he dumped me for a girl called Fiona, but who spelt her name Pheonah.

How could he dump me for a girl with such a pretentious name? Yuk!

Awww.... It does suggest he didn't have much judgement, though you're probably better off without him.

My first true love dumped me for a girl named Meegan. And the truly sick part was that she was a gal that he knew from college, who, mutual friends had commented, looked just like me. Owtch.

* M.K pulls up a sunlounge & waits for the libel action to commence... *

You have nothing to complain about. My last girlfriend dumped me for a horse. I'm serious..she wrote me an email telling me her priorities were ( and i quote) : "God, My family, my horses, and then you and the rest of my friends". She also fed me all this crap that she couldn't handle being so important to me. She thought I was becoming obsessive. Is it obsessive to want to see youir girlfriend maybe once a week and get a phone call from her periodically? I guess so...
oh well.

I was once dumped by girl (waits for sigh of shock) who I was about to ask to marry me (somebody get the smelling salts) looking back on it now it was probably the best in the long run, what with me liking men and her now happily married to someone else, but at the time it was total devastation.

yeah, being dumped sux! I was dumped by the girl I was having an
affair with. Imagine her soon-to- be x-husband not liking this.
Lessons learned, life moves on. But my how interesting it is!!!!
herbie

I was dumped by letter on the morning of a really important job interview (which I screwed up bringing to a quick conclusion my glorious and very brief law career). The letter kept on going on about how this was the hardest thing he would ever have to do and how he had no choice but to do it by letter. (????)

The worst thing about it was that my Mother snapped at me 'stop being so pathetic and think how awful it is for him. Poor Marcus must be going through so much.' To pour a Siberian salt mine in the wound - she now cannot remember saying this to me, flatly denies it and insists that this was one of her proudest moments when I headed out to the interview looking like a bug eyed weeping loon. Parents and their selective memories!!!!

I was just recently dumped by a guy, because he suddenly discovered that another girl had a 'crush' on him. At first, he told the other girl that there was already someone else (me), which made him all upset, because he was afraid that he broke her heart (never mind what that put me through!). A couple weeks later, he told me that he was finding it harder and harder to love me, and he couldn't ignore the other girl, since she is one of his friends. (To make matters worse, this girl has the same name as me! arrrggghhh!!!) He continues to try making light of the whole thing, which really hurts. He obviously has no idea what it means to be heartbroken, or what it means to break someone's heart.

That feeling of emptiness is worse than any physical pain I have gone through yet. I was emotionally drained, physically sick, and completely despondent. It's been a few weeks, so I'm slowly getting to be myself again. People say the first love is the hardest...I guess I'll have to find out the hard way.

As for advice about recovering from an unhappy ending to a love affair, all I can say is that a good sense of humour is gold. I *highly* suggest some classic Weird Al Yankovic... 'You Don't Love Me Anymore', 'One More Minute', and my personal favorite, 'Since You've Been Gone'. The day after I was dumped, I took a red pen and wrote 'Jilted' on a shirt. Then I walked downstairs, and declared to my friends 'Been there, Done that, Got the t-shirt.'

Nice one Leatherstocking - I promise you it does get easier as the days tick on. The downside is that the next time it happens it will possibly hurt as much again!

In my view, there's no better cure for heartbreak than booze. Head for your local bar, stick lots of suitably anguished anthems on the jukebox (Radiohead, The Smiths or R.E.M. usually work for me) and get so wasted that you can't remember the name of the person who dumped you.
The next morning, you'll be too busy dealing with a severely sore head to worry about anything so trivial as a broken heart.

I probably would have considered that, but I'm not old enough to drink

Actually, I' have discovered that best remedy for a broken heart is to listen to one and only one album. Everyone should listen to Layla and other Assorted Love Songs by Derek and the Dominoes. Or to the layperson, Eric Clapton and Dwyane Allman. With songs like "Nobody Know When Your Down and Out" and "Why Does Love Got to Be So Sad", it make you realize that you aren't the only one that's gone through this. I found it to be a great help. And it's just and incredible album anyway.

For some reason, I usually get stuck with the role of dumper. This is hard in its own way, especially when you both know it has been coming for some time. I once was in a morbid contest to see who could hold out the longest, thus forcing the other one to shoulder the primary blame for the relationship's end. Needless to say, I lost that one.

Anyway, the one time I was dumped was a doozy. This is a note for would-be dumpers. Never, *ever* have premeditated sex with the dumpee and then dump them less than two minutes after the act. That's just tacky.

There are defineable stages to being dumped, I haven't been dumped that often (However this is down to number of partners, not my success with them) but watching other people as well as my own experiences, this is what I've learned (Feel free to add to it)

1:
Immediate post dumping the "Oh I was about to dump them anyway" stage where your feeling pretty okay about it and enjoying the free single lifestyle. Lasts five minutes on average, but drag it out as long as possible. Maybe even for a full hour.

2:
We're still mates stage: You hang around with them, helps if you were mates before hand, but something just doesn't fit and there's thousands of matters of protocol, do you refer jokingly to the love affair, or try and pretend it never happened, is hugging still acceptable etc.

3:
Nostalgia: You look back on all the happy times you had, and how it would be great to get back together. Lasts for variable ammounts of time, careful this can turn you into a stalker.

4:
Depression: Oh WHY did he/she leave me?! Horrible horrible stage, but also has a tendency to last the longest.

5:
Resentment: You can fight it off all you want, you can stick to the stage 2 and pretend everything's okay, but this is just denial. Eventually you will have to face up to having a grudge against this person, particularly if you see them regularly. This can be anything from dirty looks and bitchy comments through to full on rows in public places, but there is always a bitter aftertaste to any finished relationship.

NOTE: There may be further stages after this, there may also be intermediate stages I missed. The order isn't set in stone either, but roughly all dumping follows this pattern.

Fat Mammoth, this sounds astoundingly similar to the Five Stages of Mourning. I guess this makes some sense, since you are mourning the end of a relationship. In one sense at least, you have lost the person you loved.

The five stages of mourning are:

*Denial and Isolation
* Anger
* Bargaining
* Depression
* Acceptance

It is very common to experience the middle three stages out of order. And sometimes people return to a stage they already went through. You can read more about the stages of mourning at http://www.greaterswiss.com/mourning.htm

We maybe got a couple of converging threads here. Try a similar idea in the conversation "It doesn't end unilaterally" - Same topic.

How *dare* he dump you Peta!! Was he blind or just stupid?

I mean, c'mon! Who doesn't love Peta? And now that you're an all-powerful minion of Moxon, I'll bet he's kicking himself - if he could figure out how to kick that ass on top of his shoulders!

I've never been dumped and I've never dumped someone - all my relationships, prior to meeting the fabulous Mrs. X, sort of just slowly went away through lack of attention.
It was like when you're with someone and you start to get bored with them. Instead of wandering away to find someone new, I just sort of wallowed in the dolldrums until we started calling each other less and less until it just stopped altogether.

Abi, I have to say that it sounds like whoever dumped you on the morning of that legal exam might have unwittingly done both you and h2g2 a great favour.
Just think - you might have passed. You might, therefore, now be stuck in some boring chambers with a bunch of bewigged buffoons instead of having daily adventures in cyberspace. You might have been richer but I seriously doubt that you'd have been happier. And meanwhile, we at h2g2 would have missed out on all the wit and wisdom (and neighing and squeaking) that you have brought into our on-line lives.
If he dumped you that way, he definitely didn't deserve you.
And anyway, there are plenty more in the sea.

Thanks Ormy - that is one of nicest things any one has said to me in ages.

Ooooh I feel all glowey now!