h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Meaning what, Stuart?

I fell for *what*?

How can you say Annie is the one and then sleep with your wife every night... someone might buy that bulls**t for a while, but not for long....

Not when you leave and then GO BACK TO HER.

I told Annie I would leave you two to it unless you hurt her.

DONT HURT ANNIE... SHES HAD ENOUGH FOR ONE LIFETIME ALDREADY.

Andy

Pheonah, thats not a name, thats a flower. And an ugly flower at that.

I am currently being dumped by a woman I have been having an affair with. Basically, her partner found out and is now slowly reeling her back in with promises of being nice and attentive (he's not a bad person, just takes her for granted). I have kept right out of the whole process, as any involvement just makes me frustrated. I want to say "No! He won't change, it'll last for a while, and then he'll revert". But that wouldn't be fair and I'd just end up alienating myself totally. Thing is, I've been down this road before and have clearly not learned from the experience. I must be insane.

Life. Don't talk to me about Life!

I live in fear of being dumped... I'm only in my first relationship, and it's fine (ten months on Friday - aaaah), but I dread the End. We both share so many interests, opinions, ambitions... and I really value his friendship. It's just that the possibility of us having a really acrimonious split terrifies me, as does the fact that almost all of our close friends are mutual. Has anyone been in this situation? Do the friends split into two camps, or do they refuse to judge either party?

The insecurity of being dumped is very common. I've suffered it myself and it is not funny. Congratulations on reaching ten months (it's more than I've ever managed!). As far as the friends thing goes, it depends on the character of the individual person. From experience, they tend not to split into camps, but if one set of friends are your partners, then there could be some isolation. What you need to remember is that this is happening thousands of times around the world as I type this, and it will happen a thousand times more. I still don't know what's going on with my situation, but each day I wait, I get a little calmer.

Isn't it just SO ironic that you can see other people's problems & know all the answers, yet continually make a mess of your own life?
I have exactly the same problem as you, in reverse. I had an affair with a married man, who told me his marriage was over. When his wife found out about me, she threatened divorce, then 2 weeks later changed her mind and had a personality transplant. All of a sudden he's married to a "new" wife. I stayed in the background, miserable. We did meet again. As "friends". Haha. I fell for that one. Not any more though. I think too much of myself to be "the other woman". I know I deserve a man of my own. I am going to set myself a goal and aim for it.
You are doing the right thing, by staying out of it. I don't think she'll dump you. She will let it die a natural death, hoping you will get bored or restless and dump HER, so her conscience will be clear. People only ever do what THEY want to do. If she stays with him, it's what she wants, whether or not he keeps to his word and pays her more attention, it makes no difference. I am glad you are becoming calmer about the situation. It's very painful, I know. Pain reminds us we are alive. It also tells us something is wrong. Love shouldn't be painful. My parents have been married almost 60 years. Their kind of love comes along once in a lifetime, if you're lucky. Don't waste any more time, start looking for someone else, set yourself a goal, and aim high! {supportive hug} Annie

Thanks Annie, that's about the most positive attitude I've had for days. Most of my friends are useless, as they are very cynical and can't see past their own experiences. I think you are right about it dying off slowly - I can already feel that happening now and although it pains me, I'm glad. The last thing I want is a confrontation and tears. Besides, I have been through hell and back in the last 2 years and this is nothing. Thanks again. I deserve better!

Just took a look at your space. I crunch Seti units as well. My record is 5 hours for a single file at home. Amazed even me!

You're welcome!
Glad I could be of help.
I have met some lovely people in here.
Half the time in fantasy & the other half, trying to be a good friend.
You crunch seti units.....5 hours????????? What's your "normal" crunching time? I am lucky to complete one in under 30 hours
Are you a member of the h2g2Researchers seti team? I was in the Cleethorpes & District Astronomical Society team, but then I found the h2g2 site & jumped ship {or spaceship} LOL
I would look for you, but I don't know your name.....

I'm still getting used to the whole H2G2 "thing". I think if you click on my name, it should take you to my profile. Or something.

As far as Seti crunching goes, I am using a really fast machine (PIII 800), but even on an average machine, you can speed up processing;

Switch off the screensaver completely. I know it looks nice, but it uses processor time. Don't even use a system screensaver, as they too use processor resources.

Have the Seti client minimized unless you are picking up a new file, it also uses system memory when it is displayed.

Here's some benchmarks;

AMD K6 - 2 333mhz = 30 - 33 hrs
Pentium 166mhz = 30 - 38 hrs
Pentium 2 266mhz = 16 - 18 hrs
Pentium 2 350mhz = 10 - 12 hrs
Pentium 3 800mhz = 5 - 7 hrs

Howzat?

By the by, my name is Andy.

I was dumped 3 weeks before Christmas. I had been with him for 2 years, but it wasn't perfect.
I threw myself at the next bloke I fancied (my usual way of getting over a break-up) and was over it in a couple of weeks. Or so I thought until New Years Eve, when I sent ICQ messages and emails to everyone that knew us both, including him, at 3am wailing and sobbing that I still loved him and wanted him back. Oh well, I was totally pissed. I got over it again when 6 weeks later I started bedding his mate. I didn't pick his mate on purpose, he was just someone I had always fancied and went for when I had the chance. Of course it helped when my ex called him a "lucky b*****d" and told me he was jealous!
We have mutual friends, although he knew them first, and they didn't take sides that I noticed. We are still friends, although we have had our problems. I am determined to stay friends though, as he was always a good mate before we were lovers, and I don't see why I have to lose that as well. Sometimes the line between us gets muddied, and we maybe hug a little longer than we should, but I haven't slept with him since we split. Always a danger when ex lovers stay friends.

Amen to that Mina.

Like your style, Galaxay Babe. Hope you practise what you preach! Good luck

Annie, I love you dearly but am deleting you from my ICQ contact list because:-
i) you are a plagiarist (I take it as a complement that you quote my words)
ii) you are a hypocrite
iii) you distort the truth
but mostly you need me to be out of your life......
And thank you for helping save my marriage.
*************************************************************
That is a pearler don't you think?

That is a classic. I think that person has a very high opinion of themselves!

I have a couple of my own;

"To be quite frank an honest, I can live without seeing you again".

And the killer punch;

"You are very special" (response) "No I'm not, and I know I'm not. You just fancy me, that's all".

One of the benefits of modern technology is that you can put your "lover's" howlingly insensitive remarks on the web for all to see.

Now that's what I call progress.

That's rotten Galaxy Babe.
Glad to see you put it here where it can be seen.

I hate those words "you need"
when partners use those words they really mean "I need to get the hell away from you" but try to seem as if they are leaving for our benefit. My ex did it to me. It didn't help, just made me want to kick him in the teeth for not having the guts to say he did it because he wanted to. (Which at the end of the day is the only reason why any of us do anything.)

Andy, I was going to start a "Getting Even" {with the ex-} website a LONG while ago.....somewhere where people could "anonymously" post wicked snaps of their exes, acutely embarrasing ones of course. But this idea was so wide open to abuse, {I mean, imagine the devilish fun some cruel person could have if they inadvertantly got hold of some other innocent person's holiday snaps}, plus I am not insured against worldwide law-suits, which seem to be affecting this country almost as much as the US...well...... so, I decided against it.
This is the next best thing
Someone to sympathize & understand that you're hurting. Moral support through a modem. Much cheaper than a therapist. Gimme an emotional hug through cyberspace anytime. It'll keep me going until the next flesh-and-blood encounter......
Long Live H2G2!

Yes the internet is a wonderful thing (we met here didnt we Annie? xxx) but it also has a LOT TO ANSWER FOR.... mentioning no names and situations, love.

{{HUGS AND SNUGGLES OF SUPPORT}}

...until I (hopefully) get to give you the real life ones again.

Keep smiling and have a nice day out with my grandson, sweetheart

Andy XXXXX

Well, after weeks of uncertainty, it's finally over, and I am a releived man. She had an ultimatum from the boyfriend, saying it was him or me. She chose him. I would rather listen to Vogon poetry than go through all that again. I will still return here and offer ill-conceived advice to the dumped, though. Now I'm off to find a nice single woman with no exes!

Everyone has baggage, Andy.
{sympathetic hug}