h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, my best droid would be one from my Delta Droid 3 line up. Observe.

*Affy pulls out a remote, pushes a few buttons, and an odd looking 'bot comes from the CLI Van outside and enters the 24-7. The robot somewhat resembles Gort from "The Day The Earth Stood Still", but is smaller, not as bulky, and not nearly as menacing. There is almost a spring in its step (no pun intended). The droid comes in, and stands at attention*

This is Delta Droid 3, Unit #101010, but I think his call name is Sort. Okay, I'll admit that I've delved too far into the sci-fi vaults to come up with this one. But just to overemphasize that fact to you, this droid has all of the standard features of most modern cleaning droid, but is really a multi-purpose robot. He can do everything from running cashiers, to waxing floors, to unscrewing lightbulbs, to even powering the 24-7 if the electricity here on the Station should go out.

Also, Gort's nasty feature of disentegrating anything that he doesn't like has been removed. This robot follows all of Asimov's Robotic Laws, and has been safeguarded against protecting and serving humans to such an extent that you get something along the lines of "With Folded Hands" (yet another semi-obscure sci-fi reference).

I think that this would be the best 'bot for the job, Witty. What do you think?

SLEEERRRRRPPPPP!!!!!

*Sort quickly cleans up the particles released from Dragonfly's raucous slurping*

He's fabulous, Affy. And I see he's very attentive. I like that.

I really like that he's so diversified. And so powerful, he can really power the 24-Seven? How does he keep his own power unit charged?

Can he speak at all? Or can he at least download text to my PDA? It would be helpful if he could communicate about the goings on here when I'm away.

::looks at the robot::

Well Sort, like the majority of my robots, are capable of speach but prefer not to. For instance, Ampton has been known to say a few things, but prefers to make his point through simple gestures that require little effort to be understood. Sort's like that: he considers actions louder than words, as the classic saying goes.

But I think he could send messages to your device, Witty. It wouldn't be too hard.

Oh, and he's powered with one of my Crystal Lights whenever he needs a jumpstart, but usually he just relies on Perpetual Motion to get the job done. If he powered the store, however, he wouldn't be able to do much else. Maybe make a few hand gestures.

*E walks in through the Wine isle.*

Well, we have a Badisch Rotgold, A Müller Thurgau, there is a Chablis, a Bordeaux, hm. Barollo, Chianti, Lambrusco, AH, a Cote du Rhone, here, this is a nice one: Asti Spumante, and there? Well, I never a 1998 Spätburgunder Weißherbst and this... oh, yes, hm, Rheinhessen Beerenauslese..., And here! Yes! What a goodie: Ernesto&Juolio Gallo, Redwood wine... AH! And here a lovely Imiglicos...

Witty! I must say some good wines about!

Sort will be good for power outages, then...

Yes, that he will.

Yes, that he will.

Indeed, there are some great wines, Engländer. *Looks slightly surprised and immensely pleased to see the expanded wine selection.*

Sort, let's try a test. Send the text of Asimov's first law of robotics to my PDA.

*The red light in Sort's visual sensor begins to move back and forth within it's slot. Witty takes her PDA out of her pocket and turns it on. A message scrolls across the screen:

1. A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.*

Affy, Sort will be perfect. Send my a bill, or take it out in 24-Seven merchandise, whichever you prefer.

Sort, your first assignment is to keep the store tidy and re-stock shelves as needed. For the time being, confine yourself to the stock room and the store itself. Oh, and be careful of the sci-fi books aisle... there's something funky going on over there.

*Sort begins patrolling the aisles.*

*Witty pulls out a very long length of black fabric.*

Would you guys please help me drape this bunting across the top of the store windows? I want to show my respect for the loss of Mr. Adams, without whom h2g2 would never have been possible.

*E lends a hand*

::Dragonfly grabs some of the cloth and flies up to the next window, affixing it there::

*Affy helps*

I know what's going on in the sci-fi aisle, Witty. But, I don't know if I should mention it....

*Affy glances at Englander, asking for permission*

::puts the cloth up to the next window::

OOOO... is that even!?? I can't tell from up here...

*Affy stands back and checks*

Yea, that looks good to me.

YAY!!!

::fixes it there:;

Thanks, Affy!!!

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate your help.

You know, Sort is the very first hootoo entity that I'm responsible for, except for bRoach. I looking forward to looking after him. Even thought he's supposed to be looking after me. I guess it will be a symbiotic kind of relationship. I wish I could put a picture of him on the store page. I checked the picture blob library, but couldn't find anything I liked.

Oh those silly blobs!!!!