h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*a small stage located at one end of the Tablao*

(into microphone)

*Ahem*
"Sorry I'm late, but the van was playing up again... Anyway, I'm BigRedBall and I'll be your guitarist tonight"

*tunes guitar*
"This piece is called Lamento Guitano, and it goes out to all you hoopy froods out there"

*de de dum dum de de dum de daa daa. dee dee dum de de dum daa, daa daa dee dum da da*

*applause*

"Thanks, that song is very close to my heart. No, really, I do keep the songbook around rather a lot.
"This song is called Fandanguillo, and it's by the legendary Spanish composer Bartalomé Cataluyud. Check it out."

*guitar 'b' string snaps*

"Okay, we seem to have a guitar problem here. Can i have another guitar please?"

*after two or three minutes deadly silence a guitar is produced from the wings of the small stage*

"Thanks. Anyway, here it is."

*dum de de dum deeee, da dum dee dee dum da dum de de, de dum dum da dum de dum da dum deeeeeeeeeeee.

*applause*

"Thank you, you've been a fantastic audience, and may I finally say thanks to Kristina, the Kristina the Flamenco Dancer, for kindly giving me the opportunity to play to you folks. Goodnight!"

*walks off stage, trips and breaks second guitar*

*applauds*

Won't you have a glass of wine with me, we have excellent Rioja wines?

Juan! Any of that paella left?

[Juan] Si señorita!

Certainly, miss Kristina!

I do enjoy a good Spanish meal... unfortunately the closest I get to that in my house is chicken fried rice!

Are you the proprietor of this fine establishment?

Si, BigRedBall, I am..

*waits while Juan places two plates of freshly made paella on the table*

*pours them both another Y of Rioja*

So.. what brought you to this place? *looks at BigRedBall with her piercing, flaming dark eyes*

*puts on dancing shoes and begins to limber up*

Another guest artist! How exciting!


Is there anything I can help you with, Abi? Musicians, dance partner, refreshments?

You'll find dressing rooms and showers over there.. *points*
And there's a back door, in case you want to exit discreetly afterwards and avoid the autograf hunters..

[Artists]

*alerted by the roars from dressing room, the artists hastily enter the stage, getting prepared*

*a low mumbling can be heard, as they discuss which music would match those roars*

*Kristina enters stage*

*dressed in a wide red skirt, a hand embroidered black silk shawl draped around upper body, with flower embroideries in red, and long black silk fringes flowing over bare shoulders, hair tied up in a knot decorated with red flowers, and black suede dancing shoes*

*glares at guitar player*

[Guitar player]

*nods at dancer, says* Buleria? (a fast, fierce and fervent dance)


[Kristina]

*nods back, confirmingly*

*straightens back, bosom heaving, proud posture*

*glares into the darkness beneath the headlights*

*glare causing the picture of Paco de Lucia crashing down, again*


[Juan]

*sighs, making a mental note of using a steady hook instead of a frail nail next time*

[Kristina]

*starts dancing, slowly at first, swinging her skirts in elegant waves, weaving intricate patterns with her wrists*

*slowly increasing tempo*

[Kristina]

*increasing in tempo as well as vigour*

*footwork growing more intense*

*pirouettes growing in speed and number*

*feet now hammering the stage with such ferociousness that it's causing the wooden plank floor of the tablao to vibrate as well*

*pirouettes now so fast that the red skirts look like leaping flames*

*flowers flying*

*hair loosening, flowing over shoulders*

*the dance ends, abruptly, with Kristina frozen like a statue in a fiery pose, bosom heaving, pearls of sweat at temples, hair in a mess*

*leaves stage*

*puts out all the lights except one spotlight over the stage*

*enters stage, looks out over the dark and seemingly empty tablao*

*dressed in a black skirt and black long sleeved dance body*

*hears music inside her head*

*footwork exercise*

TI-ko-ta-ka
TI-ko-ta-ka
TI-ko-ta-ka-ta-ka
TI-ko-ta-ka-ta-ka
TI-ko-ta-ka

TI-ko-ta-ka
TI-ko-ta-ka
TI-ko-ta-ka-ta-ka
TI-ko-ta-ka-ta-ka
TAM!

TikotaTAM
TikotaTAM
TikotaTAM
TikotatikotaTAM
TikotatikotaTAM

TikotaTAM
TikotaTAM
TikotaTAM
TikotatikotaTAM
TikotatikotaTAM

TIta-ta-ta
taTI-ta-ta
taTIta-taTIta-taTIta
taTI-ta-ta
taTI-ta-ta
taTIta-taTIta-taTIta