h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Peers blearily at sea.

"Hey, what's that thing you have there? That looks familiar!"

Poetry Woman

*sea frowns, then shrugs and gives maestus a sharp elbow to the midsection. she whirls around as he doubles over in pain and draws her other gun, a .357 and points it at him*

[sea] if you don't mind, i'd like my gun back. it happens to be my favorite.

[Flash of a Teleport Beam]

Wey Hey

*sea assumes maestus's silence to be defiance, so she pistol-whips him and TAKES her gun back. she cuddles it close*

[sea] ohhh, baby... i'll never let the bad man touch you again...

*NYC looks at sea inquisitively*

*NYC looks at sea inquisitively*

Maestus doubles over.

He then continues the bending motion and, placing his palm on the floor, flips his body over.

*CrAK*

The sole of one of his Spatz hits sea square in the face, leaving a nasty red mark and knocking the gun out of her hand. As he carries on the turn to land on the floor, his foot lands on the gun; there is a hissing, a lot of white smoke, and the smell of solder. A pathetic melty puddle starts to rapidly cool and crack. Maestus looks about the room for his berettas.

*sea gets defensive*

[sea] what, a guy can love his car but a girl can't love her gorgeous black .380 semiautomatic?

err... simulpost.

*sea is laid out flat by the blow. upon smelling the scent of melting metal, she sits bolt upright and her eyes narrow in rage at the puddle that WAS her gun*

[sea] ohhhhhhhh, NOW you are going to feel PAIN.

*sea delivers a viciously angry side kick to maestus's already bruised stomach. as he flies across the room, sea inspects the ruin of her gun*

[sea] you know, that was a birthday gift from a former major world leader! he would be VERY angry if he were still alive...

*sea crosses toward maestus to inflict more pain upon him*

Maestus lands on one of his berettas, breaking his ribs with a nasty, gristly sound. As soon as he lands he kicks out with his foot, spinning him around and up to a standing postition. As it passes, his hand grabs the beretta and cocks it. He ends up standing, with the beretta pointing precisely at the middle of sea's forehead. There are a few tense, expressionless moments. Then Maestus' mouth twitches slightly with the suggestion of a smile...he reaches into his inner jacket pocket and pulls out sea's gun. The same gun as is smoldering in a pile on the floor, but it's probably best not to think about it.

Maestus tosses the gun to sea and holsters his own pistol. Flicking the side of his jacket aside, his hand hovers over the handle, the fingers motionless. A slight wind disturbs his hair for a moment, anime-style.

*sea wonders for a moment how maestus sprang up so fast despite broken ribs- but only for a moment. she tucks the gun in her belt- was that there a minute ago? probably not- and waits. her eyes narrow and she wiggles her fingers near the handle*

Maestus waits. And waits.

Suddenly, with lightning speed, he pulls the gun from his holster and throws it into aim at sea. Sea reacts slightly slower, pulling her own pistol, and...

*BANG!*

The bullet thunks into Maestus' chest, making him stagger backwards a little. He smiles, and holds up his gun.

It's blue, plastic; it's a child's water-pistol.

Maestus leans against the wall and slowly slides into a crumpled sitting position, black flecks spreading outwards from the hole in his shirt, and dripping from his mouth. He removes his shades, folds them neatly, and puts them into his jacket pocket, and then leans his head on his fingers. His body shakes as he laughs quietly. Shadows rise up around him from the walls, obscuring him a little.

*NYC stares intently*

wow. whatta death sequence.



ANYWAY...

*sea's eyes widen*

[sea] hey, THAT was SO not cool.... now i feel slightly guilty. slightly.

*sea watches the shadows obscure maestus and takes a hesitant step forward*

[sea] uh.... maestus? a-are you okay?

*Enters in a staggering fashion and sits down in nearest chair*

Bah! Young blighters of today, calling yourselves superheroes. Hah! Pscha! I remember the old days, when we were Superheroes of the right sort, a supergroup among which I, Vestboy (http://www.h2g2.com/U45662) and Olaf The...er...Hesitant (http://www.h2g2.com/U48837) were the most notable. And we had to fight Evil Giraffe (http://www.h2g2.com/U48873) and his Super Villains.

All gone now, of course. Only me left to preserve good at H2G2.

*Wipes nostalgic tear*

Poetry Woman swipes her Poetry Beam back from sea while she's busy with Maestus. She curtseys to Vest Boy:

"My hero"

but this doesn't stop her from turning the beam up to 'Painful Poetry' and engaging the Literary Taste Forcefield.

Since sea is otherwise occupied, she points it at NYC. She appears to still be dazed enough to wonder "What does this do?"

It zaps NYC with a satisfying green ray.

ZAP!!!

Poetry Woman

Whaddaya know? It has a green ray too. A SMOKING green ray at that.

Poetry Woman

Although I humbly recognise the heartwarming words from Sad etc, I feel obliged to tell her that I am not Vestboy. Vestboy is an absolute and most personal individual all by himself, in whose company I and Olaf The, er, Hesitant and many others have fought Evil in the past.

*sea looks at her hands and realizes that she no longer has the poetry ray*

[sea] DRAT!

hooray for jack handey!!!!