h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Y2K considers the concept of CHOPPERS under Tony and realizes that he's trying to Doublethink a la "1984". For those of you who haven't read 1984, Doublethink is the process of holding two contradictory ideas in one's mind and believing both of them, i.e. the Ministry of War being the same as the Ministry of Peace and accomplishing both with the same action.]

whose this tony guy anyway

[Y2K] "Large Tony" Fenji is the head of H2G2 Mafia.

[Starman Jones] Tony dosen't say much or liked to be researched in any way, so don't bother trying. So, U.H....Why would you not want to give up Choppers? You have everything to gain...and very little to lose. Take a look around! The world dosen't need super heros any more! It's so #$%^ corrupt that the only thing you and the other heroes here are fighting for is the sugar-coated topping on the universe of hate, lies, and misery! So give the club to Tony, and enjoy yourself for once! Stop trying to make a difference, because you aren't! You and the others could retire, buy so distant planet, and live out the rest of your days in peace. Tony guarantees safty for you and all your loved ones(*Jones turns to the other heroes*) That means all of you, too.(*Jones turns back to U.H.*) So, tell me...how long has Vestboy been gone? Do you think HE cares about any of you or the club! NO!!!! Vestboy doesn't CARE!!! If he cared so much, he would be here fighting right along side of you! Wouldn't he would be the one who tells Tony that he is interested in his offer!?!?!?!?!



(*Jones chuckles silently to himself*) ya...ya, Tony said this might happen, I guess we'll just have to beat some sense into you! Then maybe you'll change your mind!!(*Jones uppercuts U.H. with his brass knuckles, U.H. falls on his back. As U.H. is trying to get up, Jones turns to the crowd*)STUMPED!!!!! IF THEY DON'T AGREE TO TONIES TERMS...(*JONES SMILES*)MAKE THEM AGREE OR KILL THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

An evil spreads across SW's face. "Kill 'em eh? I could really get into that"

Oh no you don't!

**A Big'n'busty babe with shining sword arrives on the scene.**

I am Dinah! Dashing Doer of Daring Deeds! Surrender Foul Fiends, or meet your Doom!

and SW, I WANT MY SOCKS BACK!

**several people look and notice that Dinah is wearing mismatched socks**

Ahhh! a girl that isn't matching! I found one! I found one! I can't believe it! There actually is a girl that isn't wearing ever god damn thing so it matches!

[Y2K appears behind Dinah, Vader mask down and lightsaber up.]

[Y2K] Hi there! [grinning evilly]

[Y2K attacks Dinah with his lightsaber.]

[Starman Jones](*Jones rolls his eyes*)Dinah, I don't know who the #$%^ you think you are, and frankly, I don't care. You have until the cout until Y2K cuts you in half to change your mind about being a "hero"...but if you still want to be a "hero", Y2K will cut you in half and I'll rip your head off and tack it to the front of the my ship.

|Dinah, using a forcefield enhanced heavy Sabre barely manages to block the lightsaber attack aimed at her.| I'm the hero, you're the villian, good always wins, so you might as well just give up now.

[Y2K freezes in midswing]

[Y2K] Whoa! Isn't that ... kinda graphic??

[Starman Jones](*To Y2K*) Of course not! But I can get even more graphic if you want me to!...Do you want me to?


(*To Dinah*) That my be true in that little world you have made in you head where heros are adored by the general public and the bad guy always gets what they deserve!

WAKE UP, SWEET HEART, 'CAUSE WE ARE IN THE REAL WORLD NOW!

There are three crime fighting clubs in H2G2 AND NONE OF THEM HAVE BROUGHT STUMPED DOWN. The first club, CHOPPERS, has come the closest(I'll give them that much), but they haven't seen there leader since G*d-knows how long! Crime Fighting Unit 6 IS DEAD! NEED I SPELL IT OUT? D-E-A-D BECAUSE OF THEMSELVES!!!! And last, but very lest we have The H2G2 Saving the Galaxy Effort. Do you want to know what they do?! THEY HAVE ONE G*D #$%^ FORUM ABOUT EATING DONUTS!!! HA!!!! CHOPPERS has three or four people who post regularly; YK, Uncle Heavy, Affy, and Redsky. Last time I looked at STUMPED, there were at least ten(not counting how ever may people YK has on there) AND THERE LEADER POST AT LEAST ONCE A DAY!!!!!

By coming there, you are just getting in the way. By coming there, you are just another casualty.By coming there, YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME!!!

(*walks up to Dinah and looks her right in the eyes*) Becoming a hero here is all the steps you need to take to become a failure. But, to be evil, you are successful in every way!

[Y2K] Zarquon. Even /I/ don't believe that. Let me try.

[Y2K adjusts his Vader mask]

[Y2K] [bad Dark Helmet impersonation] Dinah, you may score a minor victory here, but remember: evil will always triumph, because good ... is dumb! [lifts his mask; normal voice] See, wasn't I more convincing than Starman Jones?

[Starman Jones]That was just a summary on what I said before!

well you know what they say about short and sweet and all that stuff about honey vs vinegar........

[Y2K]

The way /this/ is going, we'll end up in pieces anyway, so what do we have to lose?

[Starman Jones] What the #$%^ does that mean?

[Y2K] Don't ask me. Maybe he's gotten confused as to who's on who's side?

SW: Hay Dinah, you've been trying to convince me of all that Goody goody BS since we were kids. Why don't you just come over and join the dark side? It's a lot more fun.

Not only that, but I'd return all those socks my imps stold from you. You wouldn't have to be a mismatched zero anymore.

Evil Looking Demon Dude: And if you sold my your soul I'd give you your hearts desire. Maybe some nice hunky swashbucklers you could have your way with? We have several down below you know.