h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll get back to you on this one I promise. The tone IS very clinical. Perhaps if you were talking to one of your friends about it you wouldn't write in the same way? Could it perhaps be worth trying to change it as if for a personal friend?

I'll take a look and see if I can give you any personal things that might help. I'm always happy to be quoted on these sorts of entries. I'll wait for Mikey to get home and be free first though I think. As we know, she has a better way with words than me

Kats

K, let me know.

I'll give it a few days, and come back to it fresh.

Matt

I think most of my comments have been conjecture and discussion rather than specific feedback for the entry

However I shall have another look at it later since you have worked in all the changes

Ok, here are some more comments for when you come back to this:

I would probably revise the introduction to make it easier to read, something like:

**********
Anorexia nervosa is a psychiatric disorder in which individuals essentially starve themselves. As a result, anorexia nervosa can be incredibly difficult to understand, especially for those who associate eating with enjoyment, love, and family.

Individuals with anorexia have a distorted body image, truly seeing themselves as overweight when they are actually underweight. Fasting or severely restricting food intake is universal in anorexia; many individuals resort to other methods to control weight as well, including vomiting, excessive exercising, and misuing laxatives.
**********

In the next section, I think it's a little confusing the way the diagnostic criteria and signs/symptoms are intermingled -- it's not clear which are which, and it would be very easy for someone to gain an inaccurate impression. I would probably eliminate the bit about diagnostic criteria altogether, or spell it out clearly in the introduction, maybe in a bullet list below the paragraph above.

I still think the way that the signs and symptoms are currently written is far too technical. Yes, you may be used to writing for a medical audience -- but so do I at work, and I'm well aware that my audience is quite different and more diverse here on h2g2, and that I need to adjust my writing style accordingly. It is very possible to make medical entries more approachable and accessible to the average Joe, and I think it's important to do so -- this isn't a website that clinicians use for information gathering, but it *is* a website that individuals, friends, and family members use, and I think the entries need to reflect that.

If you're not sure how to do this, I can work with you paragraph by paragraph on this -- but I don't want to inundate you with suggestions here if that's not the direction you want to go.


Mikey

I've dejargonised the article somewhat, removed the references to diagnostic criteria (they became more distracting the more I rewrote) and simplified the opening paragraph so it only mentions the basics.

See what you think.

Matt

This article has been more or less completely rewritten (in style and parts of its content) since its initial posting. So, new comments and suggestions would be welcome.

Matt

It really is an improvement, but still does come across as quite patronising in places -- saying things like "In this state they can’t usually be reasoned with" would be an example. If you want, I can try and find the time to go through line by line for this sort of thing.

There are other places where I think there needs to be more info -- you mention CBT, but nothing about what it is or how it used in EDs -- I think this is important, because what most people perceive as psychotherapy has rather little relation to the kind generally used with EDs today.

Your mention of psychotropic medications seems a bit odd to me -- for one, fluoxetine is far from the only antidepressant used. And for another, they're used quite commonly -- I'm working on a study right now, and one of the things we're looking at is the medications used with patients hospitalized for anorexia.

It looks great but I don't think the subeds like having questions as headers and subheaders unless it can't be avoided. Maybe you could re-word them?

I apologize that I don't have the time to read the whole PR thread, but I have read the entry.

I have an edited entry on Karen Carpenter, if you'd like to link to her, as she was the first famous person to suffer with this awful disease and tragically died at a young age.

If you decide to link to it the edited page is:
A1045702

Good entry, well done.

Originally it was linked, but I think in the end it was decided, as a whole, to scrap the name dropping.

Aaargh! My lengthy, considered reply just got disappeared! Suffice it to say I've made some changes. My guide for the medications is from Aust N Z J Psychiatry. 2004 Sep;38(9):659-70 (full text online).

Matt

Well, that's an interesting article, but it's a *practice guideline* -- it's the opinions of a certain group of doctors in Australia and New Zealand think people should be doing, and doesn't necessarily have a whole lot to do with what is actually going on, which is what you're implying in your entry. There are plenty of other articles out there that have different opinions from different doctors -- stating the opinions of one group as fact -- and implying that they're not just opinions, but actual practice -- does not make for a well-balanced entry.

Your bit about the FDA is also insanely misleading. How much evidence there is for a given indication has absolutely little to do with whether it is approved for that indication.

If you don't feel comfortable writing about the medications, just note that psychotropic medications are sometimes used, but 'beyond the scope of this entry' or something like that. But adding in this amount of misinformation is really problematical.

I have to disagree with Kat, linking to my entry on Karen Carpenter isn't "name dropping" - there is quite a bit on anorexia nervosa in the entry.
It wasn't something which was talked about before Karen became ill.
Her high profile brought this dreadful disease to the public's attention, out of the closet as it were.
Richard Carpenter still campaigns for heightened awareness of it, and there is a charitable foundation in their name.

It wasn't just me! Oh I give up! Never mind, perhaps it will get put back in, I don't know. Wait, having read through the thread it seems Matt wasn't sure about it in the first place.

When I said "I have to disagree with Kat" I meant what you said at post 50. I've not had time to read the whole PR thread, sorry.

It's up to the author in the end, we are only here to give our personal opinions.

I think my entry deserves a link, you don't. That's fine. Long live freedom of choice.

I've read your entry. It's good and it could certainly be linked to this one. It would make a perfect fit. This one being the 'cool, scientific, medical' story and yours taking care of the 'human interest' side of the disorder. So I am in favour of it, but then I'm not the author of this entry.

Thank you Krabatt
I recall when it was in PR and someone said I'd written so much on anorexia I should write a seperate entry, and I refused as I don't do "cool, scientific, medical" I prefer writing the human interest story.

So I'm pleased to see this entry in PR, finally. It's long needed writing and needs to be in the EG, whether my entry is linked or not..

Of course, it's possible the sub-ed could add a link at the bottom when it's been picked.

I can't really be bothered with arguing the point with Mikey, so I've kicked for touch on this (a rugby reference, for our American friends). Changes made as suggested.

I've added a quick link to the Karen Carpenter entry at the bottom in the links section. It didn't really fit anywhere else, as we've documented in what is becoming a bit of a marathon thread.

Matt

I apologise for not having got back to you on this entry. I haven't been on h2g2 much recently and when I have it has been Aceing or a quick catch up with posts. (Not to mention the keyboard saga)

Please bump this thread by the end of the week if I haven't posted just to bring it back to my attention (threads are easily lost with Aceing and not a reflection on my interest in something )



Mort