The Nursery of Sporkocattus Redclawius
Created | Updated Mar 16, 2005
WELCOME
Nursery of Sporkocattus Redclawius!
This is the Nursery of Sporkocattus Redclawius. He sleeps innocently in his sporkcradle, dreaming of the joy of cow hunting.
The Nursery is more tightly built than most high security prisons, but yet freely movable in the time space continuum. The walls, ceiling and floor is made of extra hardened titanium and covered with thick clawproof textiles. The windows are made of bullet proof glass. Instead of paintings, curtains and other wall decorations, the clawproof textiles have diverse patterns such as big steaks with sporks in; various prey with sporks inserted and battle scenes combined with lovely sceneries with butterflies, balls, fish, mice and playing kittens. In the center of one wall there is a big scenery with Sporkocattus in a babychair riding a Golden Fire Dragon.
Spread all over the floor are toys; armoured knights, ball-and-chains, teddy-cows and a flowerpot. In one of the corners there is a closet where EvilClaw keeps the sporkproof clones used as babysitters. There is also a big box of plastic sporks and a weaponry filled with titanium sporks.
In the center of the nursery is a cradle made of titaniumsporks.
Prequel
The history of this lovely being starts in the aftermath of the brief but intense battle that took place when the Clan Thing was invaded by the Evil Army. When the cease-fire was declared the war-thorn soldiers got their well earned rest and recreation while the big-jobs started to work out the conditions of a new alliance. Somewhere in the chaos of the now resting battle field thingite footsoldier redpeck and EvilClaw Supreme Commander of the Evil Army had a brief meeting. A meeting that should have been forever lost in the mercy of eternal forgetness if not…
The Thingite Footsoldier had odd experiences; an unusual urge to eat fish, birds and mice, sudden inside movements she could not control… The Supreme Commander suffered from an extreme bout of sudden amnesia…
Mummy´s story
The pregnancy was short and strange. Initially I had great cravings for all things fishy and as his father is catlike I feared that he had few if any thingite genes. Suddenly one eveing I had a zenlike experience and knew the creature inside me also craved the spork.... I somersaulted once or twice with relief for I knew he was also thingite.For a while Evilclaw, the father wasn't very sure of his role and made me feel a little lonely. I had thought I would give the child to the Thingite Institute for Childcare for its upbringing, as I'm not particularly maternal. Evilclaw suddenly turned into an absolute brick and said he'd look after it. I handed Sporkocattus Redclawius as he became known, over to Evil shortly after the birth. I visit him frequently and hope to initiate him into the arcane mysteries of the plastic spork. I am very grateful for the wonderful mothering he gets from Dragonqueen......and er.....the other godparenting from Supermoo.Daddy´s story
After consulting his advisors, including his second in command, EvilClaw settled upon the Thingites as the next target for invasion, due to their power and prestige. The invasion went well, or as well as can be expected as it soon became a quagmire with Thingite resistance being fierce. Especially the resistance of a Thingite spork soldier shortnamed Red. After the peace was hammered out, and even during the peace meetings, wild parties were thrown. During one such party EvilClaw got much drunk. In the morning Red announced she was pregnant. Following his first instinct EvilClaw hid from commitment and from Red. Alcohol induced amnesia helped. But later, when told that poor Sporkocattus was bound for a orphange EvilClaw felt an incredible guilt and agreed to raise Sporkocattus. EvilClaw plans to teach Sporkocattus about Evil Army technology and acronymology when he gets old enough as well as teaching him chaos and discontinuity control.Sporkocattus Redclawius
According to EvilClaw, his father, this lovely being is a “he”. No one else has bothered - or dared - to check. The looks of Sporkocattus is somewhat concealed. He is known to have red claws, pointy fangs and a tail. He´s also known to be in a smash, break and crash period. If that is temporary or persisting remains to see…Sporkocattus has two Godparents - Dragonqueen, Supreme Matriarch of the Golden Fire Dragons of the Far North and SuperMoo, Commander of the Evil Army.
Many have felt the call for raising Sporkocattus. All have not been due to clean hearts and love of him... So far all attempts of assassination and kidnapping (...or catnapping..?) have failed.
At the moment his Godmother is teaching him how to throw flames – a not so easy task for a young being lacking the necessary fuel glands and ignition bones…
