h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*walks in dressed all in black*

I'm looking for a job, and I am also interested in becoming a Sith.

*Njan walks over, sliding a palmtop out of his pocket...*

Let me see... *taps, looking down at the palmtop through sunglass-shaded eyes*

*takes the glasses off and looks up*

What are you good at?

Well, I'm a good bartender, not bad at security/weapons

*hands him her resume*

*nods*... bar's a bit empty at the moment. If you could brush the dust off some of the glasses and generate some more customers, that'd be great.

Hmm... security and weapons always come in handy when behind the bar, anyway.

*throws you the bar keys*... see how you do.

Oh, that red one opens the weapons locker under the bar. But mind - the corellian pulse rifle's mine.

*catches the keys*

Got it, and I won't touch the Corellian pulse rifle, don't worry

Good, good.

Also.. there are some plasma grenades in the far right-hand corner... if you use those, there's a trapdoor just in front of the weapons locker, which has a chute below it. You'll want to dive down there if you use them. They're... a little overpowered. Krans and I got bored one day and modified them. We call them the BarClearer.

Yeah, and if you need any more stuff, visit the armoury. I have LOTS of weapons.

*Drops from the ceiling, and presses a Mk2 Phase pistol against the back of your neck*

Got anything for an Assassin/Theif? You need anything removed from one part of the universe and brought to another either in this universe or another nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean, I'm your man.

I also make a darn good pizza, and my ship is virtually undetectable. The Starblade...perhaps you've heard of it?

*in one swift motion, elbows Vidmaster gently in the stomach, grabs his arm, and throws him neatly over his shoulder, flying through the air in an arc, and landing on... a comfy sofa*

Not bad, not bad.

*sits beside Vidmaster*

So, what exactly are you interested in doing?

*leans on the back of the sofa, hoping her input is welcome*

Well, I could use a cook... I mean, the drinks I make need food to take some of the edge off

Yeah, I mean... ...look pizza's pizza no matter what planet you live on, right?

Of course, some of the Pizza's I make are rather odd, but if anyone insults them, well...

And it should save on bouncer costs too.

Run that one past me again?

The part about the unusual pizzas, or the bouncer costs?

The bouncer bit.

I can take anyone out if they try to leave without paying or start causing a stink. And I even have one gun with a stun setting.

A stun setting? What use is one of them?

Yeah, yeah, I know. You're hired. Head cook.

stu... st.. uuuuu... what!?

*thinks*

And the kitchen is just behind the bar. Which is the perfect position for a bouncer to lurk.

Exactly.

We have a large selection of large knives in the kitchen, too. Not all of them are for cutting with.

Sorry, I missed out to words. Insert "up food" between "cutting" and "with".

Ho-hum.