Running With Scissors
Created | Updated Dec 9, 2004
Heigh-ho, holiday shoppers, it's the 
Fashion Geek here with the 2004 edition of 'Holiday Gifts for the Creative Giver'. At least some of the gifts listed below will delight those who receive them, and the rest will make them wonder if you've gotten into the eggnog again. So rest your weary fa-la-la's and listen up.
| The Boilerplate |
| This article is for information purposes only and does not constitute a recommendation of the items described below. I'm not affiliated with any of the companies and do not profit from the sale of their products. |
'Do You Hear What I Hear?'
If the sound of 'The Little Drummer Boy' makes you want to kick the singer in his rum-pa-pum-pum, then noise-cancellation headphones are just what you need. Currently available from a number of manufacturers, from the high-end Bose headphones to less-expensive ones from Sony and Sennheiser, these high-tech marvels allow you to find an island of peace and quiet in the middle of a noisy world. Our friends at CNET have published a review of several models. The less-obtrusive earbuds are perfect for folks who get stuck in dismal staff meetings, although you didn't hear it from me...
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Sweet Dreams
Perfect for all the Lord of the Rings fans who are facing the holiday season without a new LOTR movie to look forward to, this talking Gollum doll will keep them wide-eyed with joy, or possibly terror. Precious, isn't he? Tuck this bad boy into bed with them, squeeze his soft little body, and watch him hiss sweet nothings into your vict-, er, loved one's ear. Available from a wide variety of places on the Web, including all the usual suspects.
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If James Bond Rollerbladed
If you want to be shaken, not stirred, these motorised rollerblades are for you.
Warning! Not for the inexperienced skater or physically inept! (I confess that these babies scream 'Darwin Award' to me.) It is strongly recommended that you make sure your medical insurance is paid up and that doctors are available in the event of misadventure. Always wear protective gear on your head and other body parts you're particularly fond of. And resist the temptation to soup up the motors. (Remember the Road Runner cartoon where Wile E Coyote got some ACME motorised skates? Remember what happened to him?!)
Fashion Geek Rating: Beep beep! 
For the Computer That Has Everything
Just because you spend your days sitting in front of a computer doesn't mean you can't show your holiday spirit. Voila: the USB Christmas Tree and USB Glowing Snowman! Just plug them into your computer's USB port, and feel the magic of the season!
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You're Not Old, You're a 'Classic'
Want to remind your parents that they're over the hill and still feel generous at the same time? Get them this Classic Computers Calendar. There is nothing like the realisation that all those newfangled gadgets everybody's using have actually been around for a couple generations to make the old folks take to their rocking chairs.
This is also a perfect gift for the geeks in your life, most of whom recognise the old computers, have used some of them, and can probably still write working code for them. (Visual Basic, anyone? DOS? Naked dot prompts?) Even better, these calendars are useful and inexpensive, so you can share the joy with everyone on your shopping list.
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Edible Relics
For a truly tasty but probably tasteless gift, you can't beat this S'mores Nativity Set that at the time of writing was being offered on eBay. Truly a conversation piece, this item will amaze and amuse (and possibly offend) visitors to your home this holiday season. The artsy-craftsy reader will no doubt realise that it's pretty easy to whip up a similar set in his or her own kitchen, and a project like this can keep bored children entertained on a wet and blustery winter day.
Be sure to keep your S'mores Nativity Set away from the buffet table lest one of your guests mistakes it for dessert.
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I'm not sure what the connection is between food and religion, but there is something of an epidemic of edible relics sweeping the US right now. Recently a woman in Florida sold1 a four-year-old grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Blessed Virgin Mary on it to an on-line casino. Spotting a winner of a story, plus a good excuse to travel across the country on his employer's money, Miami Herald columnist Jim DeFede offered to transport the sandwich to Las Vegas. You can read about his adventures on his Follow the Cheese blog.
Meanwhile, housewives all around the country have headed to their kitchens to try to cook up more religious artefacts. No doubt any new edible relics will also show up on eBay, so keep your eyes open. Not that this has a whole lot to do with the holidays, so moving right along...
And Speaking of Tasteless
Bored at work? Want to drive your co-workers mad with obnoxious yodelling? Click on over to this Slingshot Santa game. It may take a few minutes to load if you have a dial-up connection. After you start the game, click once on the catapult to start the elves running, then click and hold to pull back the catapult's arm; release the mouse button to sling Santa.
(I'm SO going to be on Santa's Naughty List after this...)
For more Christmas fun, you can also visit NStorm, makers of the popular Elf Bowling games. Click on the 'All Games' tab for a list of games and instructions for downloading. The games are free, but you may have to register with the company2. I recommend the Elf Bowling games; my co-workers and I happily wasted many hours playing these games (during our lunch breaks, of course 
).
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(Does anyone know how to stop that yodelling running through my brain?)
Assorted Inflatable Horrors
Another craze sweeping the US is the inflatable holiday decoration. We have your Santa, we have your Frosty the Snowman, we have your Scooby Doo3. Some of these things stand a good twelve feet tall or more when inflated and are visible for miles around, especially when perched on roofs. Popular as they are, I personally find them ugly as sin and thus the perfect gift for your snobbish Aunt Elisabeth. Even better, sneak on over to her house while she's out and install the blessed thing smack dab in the middle of the front lawn where all the neighbours can see and 'enjoy' it. If you have time, you should also put up some of those bright red blinking lights, the ones that are supposed to evoke warm holiday memories but instead remind me of the neon 'Eat at Joe's' sign at the local pub.
(That did it — Naughty List for sure...)
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And now I'd better quit before I get myself into even more trouble. This is your Post Fashion Geek signing off and wishing you all a happy and mischievous shopping season!
