Heavy Metal

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A cold and weighty substance used in the construction of skyscrapers and bridges, and the manufacture of vehicles such as the automobile and the aeroplane, which rather hurts if it lands on your head.

Alternately, a very loud musical genre, reputedly of a devil-worshipping persuasion, which rather hurts if it lands on your head. The purveyors of this genre usually write songs whose subject matter varies greatly. Some write about Black Masses and The Coming of Satan; others write about Blood and Violence; while still others talk of Death and Suffering. None of it can be said to have any practical value on everyday life, but it sure does seem to annoy people.

Many Heavy Metal bands support greatly the cause of non-conformity. They express this freedom of individuality by all dressing exactly the same, growing long hair, wearing makeup, and piercing their nipples.

Given the inherently aggressive nature and lack of melody in the music, it is very difficult to dance to Heavy Metal. This has been rectified by fans with the creation of the Head Bang. To master this intricate dance move, whip your head back and forth, up and down, as quickly as possible until you either snap your neck or faint from dizziness. Also an effective way of dancing to the William Tell Overture by Rossini.

Warning: Do not try this while listening to anything deemed New Age.

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