h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A homey looking room with photos, CD's and Artwork on the wall*

*Colonel Reef enters on crutches and lies on her bed*

Ok, I'm resting with my leg up

*knocks on the door before entering*

I believe you may have wished to see me colonel.

Yes I do

What the hell were you doing relieving me of command, if you got off your high horse and looked down for a moment you'd know I'm NOT in command, General Craxus is and if you don't know the difference between a temper tantrum and a mental breakdown you have no business holding a medical degree, to my knowledge I did not agree to a scan but you went ahead anyway, despite my protests

*Indicates reports on her desk*

These are complaints about your attitude Doctor, one describes you as 'Hitler in High Heels' and from what I've seen I'm inclined to agree, now as I'm a fair woman you have 3 months to improve your bedside manner or I will have no choice but to transfer you out of here with this report on your perminant record

Do you understand

Whilst the General is away you are in command. I also did not say that I was relieving you of command, merely of duty. I personally felt that it was important from a medical view to ensure that you had no long-term effects. It is of course not up to you to be aware of the necessary medical tests and consequences of such actions.
I think it would be only fair to indicate exactly WHO those reports are from and what problems have occured.
However if you are ademant that there is nothing wrong with you then I implore you to keep that cast on, to report back for an x-ray in a fortnight and to notify me of any dizziness, uncoordination or headaches.

Captain Kat requesting permission to leave ma'am. I have a sick Jaffa to deal with and Major Anthea is away researching for any treatment.

Yes you may leave and I will report any ill effects to Dr Anthea if you don't mind

And Captain, I would appreciate next time you feel you should relieve me of duty, don't do it in a public place, infront of junior personel, I haven't been spoken to like that since I was in junior school, you may be a doctor but I'm still your commanding officer and I would like a little respect that is due to my rank

Dissmissed

*Knocks before entering.*

You OK?

Come in Scan, yes I'm fine, honest, look got my leg up like a good little girl, Jeez that woman's a nightmare, so can you fill me in, gossip wise, about what's been going on while we've been away, seeing as you haven't been imprisoned in the medical bay

Well, I haven't got that much to tell... I had a bad reaction to the stuff Nefertem gave us, and I ended up sleeping it off.

We missed Christmas- my mom was livid when I called her! I had to make up an excuse, said I had the flu. And I seriously owe her a visit when I can get some time off.

Mahes is in the brig, making a huge racket from what I hear.

Well, you can have some leave anytime you need, you deserve it, Mahes will get over himself unless Fretts shoots him full of tranquilizer, I think Fretts should interogate him, as you and I are supposed to be on sick, the 3 of us need to get our reports written and over to the Pentegon ASAP cos Bastet's pi$$ed off now and she'll be here with a squadron of Motherships as soon as she can

Good idea- I'll go get my laptop, and we can do our part now while it's still fresh, eh?

I'll just be a minute

*Leaves.*

Ok

*Calls after her*

I'll be here

*Returns with the laptop.*

All right, ready to get started?

*Pulls up a chair next to Reef's bed, and opens the program.*

Ok, here's the outline, I was walking on another planet I got taken out by some jaffa, I woke up tied up with that old fleabag Bastet interrogating me, then I was trying to seduce my way out of trouble with Shiva, Bastet came back, nefertum rescued us in exchange for blowing up his mothers loveshack, we left, we're here, end of story

All right... now just fill in the details...

Whose jaffa were they? Could you see?

Shiva's, I remember the arms

*Shudders.*

OK- any thoughts on why they took you to Bubastis rather than... wherever the guy's from.

Shiva's an ally of Bastet's I guess he wanted to make a present of me

Hmm... OK... what kind of questions did they ask you during the interrogations, and what answers did you give? Were you under the influence of drugs?

*Stops typing.*

And why on earth did Nefertem blow up his mother's all-male brothel? I can't see it making any sense!