h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

which he juggled, while passing them a tin of throat lozenges

This made the cough quite disappear, and all were left much happier,

So spritely did they feel again, wheel fixed with 'Mache, Papier'!

They climbed back in; began to move, but soon - precipitation!

Would there ever be an end to this farcical situation?

"Let's go home," the first man said, "This has become a farce."

Ainsley said 'Well I'll come too, I'll cook, we'll have some larfs'

(it rhymes, ok? i am trying to keep this epic clean(ish!))

Then Ainsley slipped, and tripped, and fell; went SPLAT into a puddle

(has now spoilt Babel-17's aim!)
Coelacanth (who is going to the BBC Food Show at Olympia tomorrow, and may meet Ainsley!)

The man with the van said, 'I want me Mam, I want a great big cuddle'

With a flash of smoke, and a can of coke, his Mum came on the scene

'Drink this up! You're fine. Ok? I'm off to get some Breem!'

'She wrapped her arms tight round the man and held him to her chest'
(What is Breem?)

'Yup' the man replied with a sigh, 'This IS what I like best'

(Breem is a really tasty fish that I had cooked on my dad's BBQ in Oz. Check my old journal entries, nothing about Breem, but a bit about me in Oz)

'Ainsley H began to whine - he hoped for an embrace '

(Bream then?)

'Young man I like your cooking, but do up that loose shoelace'

(Bream, yes probably. Can't quite remember)

'As Ainsley bent, he tripped and went right into a vat of porridge'
(Alliteration, a scottish link AND a word that has no rhyme. Stunning!)

'Until the show at Olympia, we shall keep him in cold storage!'

' "I've got to go, I'm in a show!" and Ainsley took a sausage,'
(Storridge!!!!! It might rhyme in your part of the planet!)

But the others had other ideas and kept him as a hostage

(storage and porridge rhyme in Canada, too )

(saves me from trying to find a rhyme for sausage)

They threw our Ainsley in the van, and drove off at high speed