h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not sure whether to be amused or disturbed by the fact that the next post after B4's actually *is* hidden-by-moderators.


[Yar, currently the Good Cop, frowns.] Eh, I dunno, we don't want to be *cruel* or anything. Hmm ... I suppose if we tied him up in such a way that he could escape, but it'd take too long to be of any use to ARGH another idea for an invention, "a lock with a time-release," and I *know* those things exist already!!

it was a vanishing spell in the ancient tongue of dread

Taff, if you are not going to participate properly, could you please just leave. We have a good thing going here and don't need you mucking it up. Thanks.

[ooc]
I thought no one had replied to my post 400 back there - there were no more bullets showing after that one.
*slaps forehead*
[/ooc]

*Holds out his tentacles, waiting for them to be freed*

I gave you the information, now you must let me go. A deal is a deal!

*A crafty look briefly flashes across his features*

And you'd be wasting your time at the library - you'd never get in the door. Might as well give up now and go home.

[B4 shrugs his shoulders, stands up straight, and packs away all his "inflatable squid intimidation gear". As he turns to walk away and put distance between himself and Squid Minion 1, he opines:]

Oh, okay, Mister Squid-like-thing. You're right. No sense in us even ~trying~ to enter the Library. There's probably some ~incredibly~ sophisticated defense mechanism to keep people out. Likely we'd ~never~ have the first inkling of how to decipher the clues to open the door. I mean, we warmbloods don't even ~think~ along the same lines as you folk. How could we ever even come ~near~ to the trickiness of the great MOAIS and his Minions!?

B4idupemyselfintobelievingmyownlineofBS

*leans over with the nail scissors* How would you like me to remove the tape? A series of agonizing jerks, or one heart-rending pull?

When you go back to your compadres, tell them we don't want to fight, we just want to explore and then go back the way we came. Personally, I think warfare is an inadequate response to the situation.

Remember, we honored our side of the bargain, but you haven't been straight with us. *tears come to her eyes and she pauses with the scissors in order to get a handkerchief from her etui* You haven't been very nice at all. *sniffs*

Aww, just yank it off Lil! Maybe he'll get lucky and it won't pull off something that causes him to deflate. I'd love to see him fly off like a balloon though!

*The little squid's joy at the indications he is about to be freed turns to concern at Lil's tears.*

Aw, don't cry. I had no choice. MOAIS is not very forgiving towards her minions if they do something she doesn't like. And she wouldn't like it if I told you anything important. Or unimportant. She might be our Mother, but she isn't at all motherly. And there's no escaping her wrath - she has eyes everywhere.

*Looks around nervously, then returns his gaze to Lil*

There, there. It'll be okay.

*sigh*

Okay, then, if it will make you feel better, I'll answer one question honestly, as best I can.

Oh, and take the tape off as slowly and carefully as you can - I don't want any rips in my skin.

*makes a theatrical production of sniffling and wiping away her tears*

If you'll answer honestly, I'll leave a little bit of this duct tape on one of your tentacles. That will prove to the other squids and to MOAIS that you really have been held captive, and it will help us identify you if you're forced to attack us again. Then we'll not aim our weapons at you. Deal?

So, what does MOAIS really stand for?

*Thoughtful expression.*

Mother Of All Inky Squids?

Mother Of All Inflatable Squids?

*turns to the seahorse*
Hey Senor seahorse, mind if I hop aboard while this lot decide where we are going, just in case we need to make a quick getaway. And no charge while idling?

mini

Deal!

*Looks impressed at Tony's guess*

You're right, all except for one word. MOAIS is short Mother Of All Inflatable Squids. Other warmbloods called her Kraken, in the past, but she hasn't shown herself in a long time, so the warmbloods think she is just a story. She still claims her share of ships, though, but now she's careful that no warmbloods see her and survive.

*Does a double-take at mini*

You guessed it! Wow!

Ooh, Kraken... that'll be another tick in my Ancient Legends Spotter's Guide. Actually it'll be the *first* tick in my Ancient Legends Spotter's Guide.

*snip rip snip rip snip rip* Hold still! *snip rip snip rip snip rip snip snip*

*also snips away the remains of the net*

OK, up you go. I hope MOAIS doesn't hang out between here and the Gootanic.

Sure ting, lady, hop in.

[to the whole group] Anywhere beyond da edge of da cliff is officially a risky area. Dere will be a surcharge.

Let's see, one kilometre overall distance plus 3 kilometres straight down and yeah, 2 kilometres extra over dat way to da steps for da non-floaters... 6 klicks plus danger surcharge... *smiles*

Schlep your own luggage, kiddo, I ain't made a rubber. I ain't no Spanish speaker either.

Kraken eh? That could be a game changer. Not that I am advocating a change of game.

[Yar] Change or not, I'm game. Y'know, if push comes to shove.

*the lobsters, who have been hovering and observing, suddenly become boisterous. One group strikes up a mariachi song in 4 part harmony, while the others dart around playfully*

*suddenly two of the lobsters dash at Lil, and one of them tries to grab the etui while the other flails at her face to distract her*

*the rest of the lobsters run at the other salonistas, brandishing their knife-claws*

[Segovia] Hand over the pearls and nobody gets hurt! *heads for Yar's ankles, claws open wide*

*In one fluid movement Mr. D puts down the camcorder (still running) and draws his claymore.*

Come get some.