h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*when Affi fired at the departing lobster, he froze the eyestalks. That lobster is now unable to look where it's going, and flies full tilt into the side of the orcop*

[Yar takes half a step back from the scene, glances to the orcop, then to the seahorses.]

*Mr. D is holding a handkerchief to his face, it's a little bloody.*

An dey pinshed by dose.

Ooof! Hey! Watch where you're goin, buddy. I gots important bidness here.

*Scowls at the lobster. Light dawns in his eyes.*

Hey, youse ain't one a dem muggin lobsters theys talking bout are yeh? You better stay right here till we find out more.

*curls his tail around to loosely enclose the lobster.*

*floats over to Mr. D, taking a long look at the others as he goes past, memorizing faces* Will you be needing an ambulance then sir?

I see they took part of your waistcoat. Well, well. *writes in his notebook* Unusual. Usually the Nephos only go after hard cash. What's so special about this waistcoat then? Are you a Pearly King? Ha!

Ha! *starts laughing so hard at his own joke that he turns several cartwheels* Hem, ahem. Warmbloods. Unusual.

Did anyone else here lose anything of value?

Doh thag you, I'll be find wonz de swellig goes down.

By waistcoat id de only Harris Dweed tac-vest in exisdance, apard from dat I don dink dere's anyding special aboud id.

I lost my train of thought, but I don't think it was a valuable train of thought before it was de-railed...

<BB<

I lost my presence of mind for a short while, but I think I've got it back now. Thank you officers for your quick response to the situation, but your arrival seems to have been all the deterrent that was needed.

*the lobsters have gathered a short distance away behind a stand of brain coral, and have realized that Paulo is missing*
[Segovia] He better keep his gills shut.

[Roberto] Can we spring him?
[Pedro] I know that dumb orca -- he caught us when we tried to rob those sting rays, ese, and we got away because he can only think one thing at a time. No multitasko.
[Carlos]Mantener la calma. We shadow them and wait for a distraction. And watch la senora with the little bag, si?

*the lobsters bump claws and then spread out*

*Meanwhile Paulo is still blind and doesn't realize what he has bumped into*
Heya! Mi amigo gordo, clear out of the way, I have an appointment! *reaches out and gives the orcop's hide a warning pinch* Vamos!

[B4 finally winds down the wild dervish spinning he'd been doing with his battered leather satchel, in an attempt to keep the two encroaching lobsters at bay.]

I... believe... I've lost... my sense... of equilibrium...

[He drops to his knees and leans on one arm, swaying from grogginess. He hitches in a breath, wipes his brow, and stands back up, though unsteady.]

Good to see the Feds here. Wish our town's response was this swift.

[He wanders closer to the rest of the group to ensure he catches up on all the brewing plans and ideas.]

Nice work on pin-wheeling the little squidly loose, Lil.
Hanky for you, Mr. D?

[He proffers a monogrammed square of cloth.]

B4icompletelymissthenextbitofexcitementinthisblossomingadventure

*loses altitude to join the group*

Jimmy, is dat you? How's da wife and da starlet? Hey, dat was me what called you in. Dese passengers was mugged by da Nephos, but just seein youse guys drove em off. I guess dey couldn't resist shaking down tourists, ey?

[Yar] Technically, some of us are adventurers ... but, uh, yeah, we're basically operating as tourists at the moment. [grumble] Notwithstanding my IDEAS ...

Tourist? I'm not a tourist!

Don't get the police TOO interested in us, ok?


*in a loud bright voice* Oh yes, this has been more of an ~adventure tour~ than we thought it would be, isn't it?

*Sniffs*

Definadly. Only here fibe minudes and already bore excidemend dan any of us were expecding.

*Feels the pinch*

Hey! Yeh assaltin a officer? If yeh don settle down mebbe we'll be seein what's stronger - teeth or shell.

*flashes a toothy grin*

*Paulo recognizes the voice and goes very still. His eyestalks are beginning to thaw and now he can make out vague shapes and colors*

*Slowly slides out from behind a coral head and over to the starfish. His tail is bandaged at the end, and he has red welts around his neck. He addresses the constable*

I saw the whole thing. The lobsters were helping these warmbloods find their way through the coral when suddenly, the warmbloods attacked them. Totally unprovoked. Said they were hungry. You can see the effects of an earlier attack they made on me.

*Indicates the welts and bandaged tail*

These warmbloods are dangerous and need to be sent back to where they came from.

What!!!

*Splutters indigantly*

How dare you, sir!