h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, since Marv is too timid for it...

*Does a cartwheel*

*Ag enters just in time to see Mr Dreadful's cartwheel, looks startled, looks away, walks heavily into furniture and sits down with a bump on the floor*

Too early in the morning for such sights, I'm sure.

Marv! Socks! I knitted a shield design on each clock with a grating back-ground and a computer rampant on a sable desk (note pune AND reference to seminal fantasy novel. I have boozy sherry ice-cream for whoever knows which novel...)

*meanders off to continue intense relationship with the coffee machine*

Presents? Presents! I had a present around here somewhere...

Ah, here it is!

*hands Marv a shoe box*

In here is a specially made suit of +4 Shrinking Full Plate Armour of Uber Knightliness.

Using command words selected by yourself you can make it grow so you can wear it and shrink it for easy storage. The factory defaults are "Biggy-Wiggy" for growing and "Teeny-Weeny" for shrinking. Padding is included for comfort.

The Uber Knightliness part is because it's so damn shiny!

The only fantasy novel I can think of that involves dodgy puns on coats of arms is Feet of Clay by PRatchett... but as much as I love his work I'm not sure if it counts as seminal

Jameson Marv? Here, put that muck away and have a Glenmorangie, you deserve something special for a knighthood!

Brost!

Ah, but the novel reference is not a reference to any works of Pratchett at all. The pune is the grating, for Marv the Grate. The computer rampant on a sable desk? Anyone? OK, so I'm the only person who read this particular novel let alone thought it seminal? Oy vey, I have reached a very inner circle of geekdom. More coffee.

Glenmorangie Kerr? Put that muck away and have a Talisker...

Talisker suits me just fine. Good, an ecxuse to have another whisky, that's what we like to see.

*awakens with a start*

Goodness, did I miss it? I did, didn't I? Well then. Congrats, Marv, on your knighting.

dw2, the pedantic friend is obsessed with netflix and it's ratings system. The bro told me a bit, and then I watched it start to come up at dinner...

You know, I'm all of about 3 miles from your office (if you're at the one by the airport, that is). We should do lunch sometime or something.

I am just terrible with the arts. Touchpad doesn't make it any easier.
But I keep trying...

*Has followed the knighting, the speeches, the guests and the mingling through her very strong binocular glasses that has an earpeace which only slightly distorts the sound - and has ed over the food and drinks.
Now enters wearing a deep purple satin dress, with smart glasses to match. Her hair is shiny bronce (hurrah for henna) fluffed up by an expert, and the broad belt at the waist match the colour of the hair. The dress fits tightly down to the waist with sleeves that resemble wings when arms are lifted. The skirt is made from a full circle and reaches almost to the floor, which enables her to walk with normal strides and still look elegant - and to dance. Comfortable, flat sandals with straps going up the calves in bronce coloured leather.*

Sir Grate, congratulations.

*Does a flourishing courtesy, sleeves just missing Sir Grate's eyes*

Ooops, sorry.
*Produces a present from a hidden pocket in the skirt as she never carries handbags*

*A small square machine that enables Sir Grate to see how tatoo-patterns will come out on his body - before the are actually made*

*Goes to see Teuchter's advanced crystal and to hunt for left-overs at the buffet*

I really should have known better than to schedule kids programs three days a week all summer. Thursdays I have the 6-12 year olds. Medieval life today - knights and tournaments next week (I have a guy coming in with shields and armor (ok) - then King Arthur and Camelot the following week.

We are into the triple digit temperature season.

Is there anything cold on that buffet table? That's supposed to be cold, that is? Ah, a nice fruit salad. This will make an excellent breakfast. Then I need to change into civies and get to work.

Looks like some arse just had another go at blowing chunks out of London. Fortunately they weren't very good at it.

*heading to the butler's hatch for some orange juice* Oh dear.

Well, I have good news: Hedlites is back, free of injury, full of appetite and affection.

Excellent. You'll have to fit her with a beeper collar.

I'm afraid the nature of the landscape out here makes a collar impossible -- there are too many ways for a cat to get ensnared by the collar and be somewhere that humans would never find them. I think collars are great for city cats, though.

Yea!!!!!!!!!!! Lil. Hedlites.

Another bomber in London? My God. I'm off to put on CNN.

I don't care if it's only 2pm here. I NEED A DRINK *accepts very large G&T from Matina* Thank you.

Oy vey, but like I needed my husband to call me and tell me he was OK and not hurt. Not hurt by what? I asked innocently. No I haven't been watching the news. Hang on, I'll just switch the telly on... ARGH!

Oh thank the Lord so far no one seems to be hurt and the bombers seem to have been good and incompetent. *Eyes News with extreme nervousness* Fingers crossed.

Anyhow. Glad to see Hedlites is back and healthy. Daft animal (said affectionately) getting us all worried like that.

I was watching Tour de France and heard that smoke is coming from three places (underground stations)in London. Extra News Broadcast at 16 our time i.e. in half an hour.

I hope all UKians are safe. Kerr Avon's description signals failure?

for Hedlite.

Apparently it was only detonators that went off and not actual bombs.
From what I've heard Sky News is stubbornly insisting that they were full on nail bombs.