h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It is an immensely difficult balance to get right.

I am very worried about the stepson, because he is under enormous pressure right now and because of the messages of rejection which he is getting at the moment. His situation really is awful, especially since finding him housing is proving to be very difficult. I simply cannot turn round to any of my friends and say "will you take him in, he breaks things, but he's cute".

But...

He is incredibly resistant to change. The reason the situation has become so painful for him and so extreme for both of us is that telling him, telling him repeatedly, explaining the situation in consistant terms, being absolutely 100% clear at all times, simply did not work. Neither did teasing, joking, ranting, raving, embarrasing him out of his skin, getting his father involved, telling him off in front of my friends, or any other single thing. Just like pushing treacle uphill with a pin.

If you are an immovable object, then it takes an irresistable force to get you to shift, and you cannot be surprised if it is painful.

So, I am very sorry for him, because the pressure he is under and the pain he is feeling are extreme. But ... be brought it on himself. If he had actually heard and acted on the things I said to him, then (1) he would still be with me, and (2) he would not now be feeling like a total loser.

B

I think *some* chores are OK but this boy had, like I said, have to do a third of everything - laundry for a family of three, cleaning the entire flat, cooking and washing up and so on... even when he was studying at college. On top of a day of lessons (the same amount of hours as a full time job) and a pile of homework and studying for exams he also had all the chores, which meant that his days actually were longer than his parents'!

Yeah, I agree with you, Titanian, that isn't ok.

Hey ho.

I find myself wanting to weep for the pity of it all.

B

Here, have a - I've always found them more useful than a hankie when having a good cry

This moving to a place of his own, on his own might be just the thing that will make him pull himself together and start making something of his life...

[p]

Yes and all that , up all those of us that our first home,(aged 15 and a bit,straight (being removeable object,my choice)from NCH childrens home massive victorian
four storied mansion,rooms big enough for family groups of 12.18+)
was a grotty room 8 by 6 ,in my case Hotel staff quarters, the bigger the hotel the grottier the rooms.
Shared bathrooms and all that.(mind you would not want to change it)

"finding him housing is proving to be very difficult"
Ben why not give him a tent ,a box of matches(provided your content he only breaks thinks not burn things), fishing line ,bit of string,and point him towards the lake district.OR List of relatives names addresses maps ,Volkswaggon do very good portable home

[d'E]
[]

ltp, you have no idea how tempting that is!

Anyway, it is officially Not My Problem. I am leaving it up to him, his father and Carole to sort out, and if they can't - well there are always aeroplanes.

If one's best is not enough, then it isn't enough, and that's that.

B

I submit the following link for good giggle. Be sure to read the seller's updates.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4146756343

[Hyp]

I heard about that little item -- thanks for the link! You have to wish the fellow well, because he's clearly intelligent and articulate, in a Joe Bob Briggs kind of way.

Working all day at the post office...

Isn't that great? Made me laugh!

B

[MTG]

I'm glad he's made so much money out of the dress.

It is gloomy, wet and cold today. I've had to turn the heating back on.

I have the job, now I have to find child care.

I'm not sure how I stumbled over this, but it is a conversation thread where the first posting was made on 28 April 1999:

<./>F16034?thread=301</.>

The odd thing is that the entry itself wasn't created until 19 July 1999...

Maybe the thread was moved from another part of the forest?

B

Zomnker, check if the school has a before/after school care program. In my area the YMCA and PAL run programs right in the school. If not, ask someone in the school office where other parents are sending their kids. Go to a PTA meeting, get to know other parents. Maybe you can find a stay-at-home mom that would be willing to help out for some extra income.

probhably the entry it was linked to would have been in review for
a couple of months, then maybenot.Its all part of a masterplan to bring back the tins of toothpaste before the stripe. I'm still convinced it was pink boot polish

I think asking a child to do chores around the house (age appropriate, of course) is important. It prepares them for living on their own. My parents started gradually with me: first, making my own bed and picking up my room, then helping with the dishes and yard work, then dusting, etc. and finally doing my own laundry. I drove them nuts for a bit because rather than taking my clothes out of the dryer, folding them and putting them away I would leave them all in the dryer and just fluff them up each morning before I got dressed. *That* didn't last very long!