h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

THats because you are not doing it right
*wonders how much fun he could have waching Tweet flaunting her lether Bikini in frount of Satan*

* Rasputin strides into the bar region looking dark & foreboding. Usually this is enough to scare the willies out of most guests, even the females… *

* What really is of greater concern is that he has his hands on the golden sword. He smiles ruefully at Bob as he goes past, Bob inturn shudders with acknowledgment… *


* The Archangel Tweetie nervously tries to move between the pair as she has been given the job of keeping an eye on the human volcano. One could equate it to serving the drinks on the Titanic, certainly plenty of ice for the drinks, but really it still leaves you with that sinking feeling… *

* Rasputin strides manfully forward his eyes blazing and his temper shorter than Pygmy in a tribe whose dubbed 'Peewee'. He scowls at LePerdyMonkee, LePerdyMonkee stands rigidly still trying to somehow fade into the décor. It doesn't work and the pink monkey wrangles forward head bowed somewhere below the monkeys knees… *

--, ~_, =_, ~~ !!!

* He says, which for those not familiar with the monks curiously expressive eyebrows says… *

I dub you Saint LePerdyMonkee The Patron Saint Of The Selectively Ignored !!!

HE wants you to go forth and find those hardy souls the other saints wouldn't touch even with a ten foot bargepole… for either reasons of taste, temperament or hygiene !!!

* Rasputin muscles flex with the same determination as his eyebrows, a sword swirls over the monkeys head… a large tuft of hair plummets to the floor… *

* Luckily, it went past within a whisker of taking more than hair…A golden halo appears & some velvety pink wings *

* Archangel Zax momentarily looks up from the bar in the direction of the newly christened pink monkey with wings, she hastily orders another round of drinks, just in case she becomes sober again… *


* Rasputin stumbles over to the bar and get a hipflask out, drinks the contents, and unsteadily makes his way back where Dragonfly is standing… *

^ ~, ^^,\_, __ !!!

* Which roughly translates as… *

I hereby dub you Saint Dragonfly The Patron Saint Of Muses !!!

May you go forth and sort out the truly inspiring from the run-of-the-mill mirthsome muses !!!

* A sword is thrusted in the general direction of Dragonfly, and who said nimbleness wasn't really necessary since man left the prehistoric age behind… *

* After making a valiant attempt to not become tonight's protein source for the kebabs, a green holly spray of a halo traces shower around Dragonfly's head & a set of pure white wings sprout forth… *

* Rasputin proffers the sword to Tweetie, Tweetie for the sake of the others takes it just as Rasputin takes her drink, consumes it, and takes back the sword in one swift motion… *

^^,/~, #_, +\ !!!

* Which if you had been paying attention roughly translates as… *

I hereby dub you Saint Redfish The Patron Saint Of Aquatic Life !!!

May you go forth and care of all those who inhabit the oceans, and not just the Sirens & Mermaids !!!

* He thrust the sword forward, Redfish springs right, then left, and finally has to do a backflip… Rasputin finally gives up on trying to 'hit' the mark and waves the sword about dejectedly… A red halo springs into action & a curious set of red wings… *

* He sees Jezzrian, Jezzrian sees him. The monk springs forth using all his ample frame to deter escape, Jezzrian stares unblinking… *

~~,~_, ……, __ !!!

* Which of course means… *

I hereby dub you Saint Jezzrian The Patron Saint Of Dubious Reasoning !!!

May you go forth and help to stamp out those whom seek to twist arguments by all means unfair & foul !!!

* A sword thunders over her head as the tops of the candle lamps nearby give some indication of the trajectory the sword was originally headed towards - her neck… *

* A lovely shining silver halo appears & a set of golden wings… *


* He 'stalks' toward Salam… *

^~, ~^, ^^, _- !!!

* Although there seems to be some involuntary twitching from frustration, it generally tells of… *

I hereby dub you Salam Saberhagen The Patron Saint Of Indomitable Spirits !!!

May you go forth and lead by example showing what can be done with a veritable Fortress of Fortitude, no matter what kind of perils await !!!

* A sword loops in an exceedingly strange and varied path, due in no small part to the fact a small slither of Salam ear lands on the floor !!! *

* Salam looks stunned, the newer angels looked stunned, Big 'Evil' Dan is already getting out the medical kit… *

~~,^^,~-, __ !!!

* Which says… *

Can somebody now get me a drink !!!

Welcome to you all - and don't worry - it's not always this quiet around here!

Oooh, you read my mind, God. Thanks for the perdy pink wings & all the neato stuff... They haircut, too. Thanx fer the welcome, & I'll be sure to fufill my duties as best I can. OOh, hooray!

*Approaches the bar and tender, in some trepidation...*
Zdrazdvuitye, Rasputin. Kak vui pozivaietye? Any chance of a beer?

oooh,

*looks at the gold wihgs and tries to looks at her halo but is confounded by the fact that it is above her head.*

*Sees a mirror and quickly checks the halo colour*

Silver, cool.

What drinks do you haev for new angels who have narrowly escaped death by decapitation?

Well hello to all our new Angels. Congrats and all that. Jezzrian after almost losing your head to Rasputin I would be very careful what you order from him even if it was all in the name of Sainthood.

Quick question... I know I have been away for awhile but Satan was cast out of Heven for trying to undermind His athority and steel His job right? If this is true has my computer stumbled into a alternate universe?

I think I need a drink. *walks over to the bar and orders a double shot*

YAY!!! Thank you, Rasputin!!! I truly truly love my halo and wings-- simple, Muse-ish, inspiring, functional... Now I can fly around to find truly inspiring muses...!!!! This will be much easier than trying to rely only on Muse powers...

I don't need a drink... I need to practice my flying!!! Thanks be to (the)God(s)(Musewords, you know...)!!! Good luck to all other angels... And thanks once more!!!

::races away to try out her wings::

Ras I have opologised and I did give you those nice beads cn you not forgive me now please.

hmm... never thank Ras... trust me

hehe.. so, SATAN, I remember you.... hopefully you'll be around slightly longer this time...

*blushes*

Bwahahaa!! I have returned, to tempt some of you angels to join my cause. Become a demon! Torturing people is so much more fun than sucking up to them.

(takes Archangel Fashion Cat on one arm, and Archangel Tweetie on the other. Tries not to overcome them with the smell of sulphur)
So. You ladies want to have some fun? I know a very nice part of Heaven... it's directly above the Pentagon. We can have a fun afternoon zapping their satellite dishes, dropping stones on the security guards, and generally confusing and annoying them.

hey Satan, wanna have a drink? I'm sure you have a unique view on us Angels.

*Orders a double scotch*

mmmm, nice

well, it is tempting....

*pauses*

but then thats what you do isnt it.. you'll get us down there and it'll be nothing like that....


*tries to resist SATAN's charms... which are stronger than Babes! *

Tweet would like to point out that she in no way wishes to flirt with SATAN, but thinks it might be fun to torture him. In an entirely angelic way of course...
*Tweet takes her arm away, and gives SATAN an icy look*
As if!

Ah well. Can't blame me for trying.

I'll have a double sulphur with lumps of lava, please. And double scotches all round for everyone else.

hmmm... whats wrong with this picture?

It's a forgery. I've got a good eye for the little incriminating details.

The devil as indeed in the detail, Satan.

*Rushing in like someone trying to catch a missed train*

Hi all, I've been out of commision for a while.

WOW I see a lot of new faces!

Welcome all!

Can I have some Fanta, please

*GB looks across at SATAN - and boldly walks up to him.
I owe you an apology...I thought you were M.K*...I am so sorry I put those pink, fluffy handcuffs on you, carted you off to Poco island & left you there for the islanders to torment.
Why are you smiling?