h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My *most* embarrassing moments will not be published - not by me, at least, and certainly not while I'm alive. But there are a couple of karaoke-related incidents.

My friends love karaoke, but I was always terrified of getting up and doing it, despite the fact that I can at least hold a tune. But after four years of watching them get up and sing - and four years of them nagging me not to just join in from the sidelines - I finally got the courage to do it. I'd had a realy bad day at work and was feeling a little reckless. I turned to a friend and said 'Okay, we're doing "Don't You Want me" by the Human League, you're singing the girl's bit - no harmonies! - and I'm standing nearest to the lyrics.'
'Okay,' he chirps and promptly fills in the request slip.

Now, the host of the karaoke has seen me cowering for all these years, sees my name on the slip and smirks. he keeps us waiting for an hour, by which time my bravado was significantly reduced.
Finally, the moment comes when he announces our turn '...and it's Jimster's first time,' he crows.

Nervously, I take to the stage, a small affair of no more than a foot off the ground... which was a good job as I was so nervous I fell off the side as I walked on.



Not too embarrassing, but it was my first time, and it did at least make me think 'Oh well, it can only get beter' - which it did.

A few months later I was feeling a bit more confident, so I selected a solo - 'Perfect' by Fairground Attraction. The problem with this is Karaoke machines don't necessarily play the song in the same key as the single. And this song just happens to start on an unaccompanied vocal. So I start singing away, and as the accompaniment is mainly a bassline I can't really hear anything but the beat. I warbled a bit at the beginning, but by the end I was really crooning. As the song ended, I beamed at my friends and thought 'I'll get a drink before I go back to them'. At the bar, one of the regulars smiled sympathetically at me, which puzzled me. I knew I'd fluffed the first bar up, but surely the rest was okay?

'You do know that you were perfectly one note off the whole way through that, don't you?'
'Whah'?
'You were actually singing it spot on with the single, but the backing track is a bit off. You were perfectly off-key the whole way through it.'
'Oh'.

My friends were nice about it, but from that day on, I vowed not to sing a song that a) hadn't been played in the bar before and b) started on a vocal.

Still, a friend of mine once got up to sing 'Sign of the Times' by Prince, only to discover he'd written down the number for 'Sing of the Times' by the Belle Stars, a completely different song for an altogether different range. Ooooh it was bad.